Really struggling. Feeling hopeless and scared

[Janop79]

Hi everyone,

I’ve not posted on here in a while. I took a break from the app after my pregnancy loss last august which I really struggled with. We’ve been trying to conceive naturally without any joy so are looking into doing another round of treatment. This will be our last attempt I think.

My new clinic have advised me to take the usual blood tests for fertility e.g. FSH, LH etc which I’ve never actually had done before. I had a baseline scan a couple of months ago and the consultant could only see 2 follicles and mentioned that my lining was really thin (she thinks that might be partly due to the fact my period had just finished but it’s still thinner than she would have liked it to be).

I know it seems silly to be so worried and anxious before even having the tests and seeing the results but I’m really scared. I would rather not have the tests but I know it’s important to decide on the best course of treatment/ next steps etc. I’m terrified that the results will indicate that I’m perimenopausal. Just not sure how I’ll be able to deal with that. I’ve read that it’s still possible to conceive with IVF but I know my chances will be hit hard!

I guess I’m just after some reassurance and some kinds words, success stories etc

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Wishing you all success on this tough and challenging journey xxx

[Millbanks]

Hi lovely, firstly I'm sorry to hear about your loss - such a heartbreaking thing to go through. Well done for getting back in the saddle.My sister in law did IVF because she was perimenopausal at 36 - and had very few follicles - she has 2 gorgeous kids now. We're a totally different story but persevering as she's a bit of a role model (albeit not an easy one).

My advice to you would be to take it one step at a time. It can be so overwhelming so try to not look at the end goal, only the next step. Tests are useful to see what treatment you need, but low / bad results aren't the be-all and end-all - there are so many amazing technologies and treatments now - they will find a way!!

I've seen so many stories of people with very low AMH / few follicles having successful IVF - there is nothing to say you won't too! Don't give up! xxx

[Janop79 in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you for replying. I really appreciate it. I’m definitely going to try and take your advice and take each day at a time. Thinking about the results before I’ve ever had the tests probably isn’t the best thing to do.

Good to hear about your sister-in-law. Always good to hear success stories.

I’ve been feeling like giving up but I know deep down that I’m just not ready to yet.

Sending you lots of love and luck xxx

[Millbanks in reply to Janop79]

It can be a long, emotional road - but if you're not ready to give up, don't!

We are all here for you - with tonnes of experience and support to share.

Sending you lots of love too xxx

[Janop79 in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you xxx

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Janop79This is a very stressful time for you - be kind to yourself and your partner

Write down all your concerns & worries and talk to your clinic about them this might help settle your mind Put your trust in your clinic

Thinking of you

Janet

[Janop79 in reply to JA-fnuk]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it.

Yes, I’m going to try and be kinder to myself. I’ve haven’t been very nice to myself at all. I’ve been trying so hard but the tests and the thought of the results have taken me a few large steps back.

The tests are being done with the NHS so the results will go to my GP. Dreading that too as my GP isn’t the most tactful but I’ll definitely follow up with our consultant at our private clinic afterwards.

Thanks again and wishing you all the best xxx

[RhinoCat]

My baseline scan had the dr mumble about a few follicles…. Had anyone talked about amh …. Elephant in the room. I said I was t stupid snd had already had two rounds. A low chance is still a chance 😘😘💐💐💐 love you 💐

[Janop79 in reply to RhinoCat]

Thank you so much. You’re right! A low chance is still a chance. I’ll hold onto that.Sending you love and light xxx

[LuxFleur]

I'm so sorry about your loss. I have been there and it is beyond devastating. I was turned away from a US clinic at age 38 for having bad AMH and FSH numbers, but now 4 years later I'm getting a good blastocyst rate at least. Just know you're not alone, and it is totally normal to be driven absolutely around the bend from all of this. xoxoxo

[Janop79 in reply to LuxFleur]

Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate it. I’m so sorry for your recent loss also. I can see from your last post that you’ve just had a transfer. Sending you all the luck in the world. I hope this is it for you!

Was there anything in particular you changed/did that led to you now achieving good blastocyst rates? Xxx

[LuxFleur in reply to Janop79]

Thank you so much.

My current doctor always says that there are "always good surprises" with me, in that I usually perform a little better than he expects, so I think it's important to keep in mind that these measurements and tests are just an indicator and not a rule.

I started taking CoQ10 in 2018, and have taken it pretty regularly since then, every day for long stretches, with some breaks, like when I was pregnant. I also used to take vitamin D and, for about about a year I took DHEA. Then I was tested for that in early 2020 and I had high levels, so I stopped the DHEA. For about a year I have been taking Ovunol (with some gaps, like when I was pregnant), which has selenium and some other things in it, as well as a separate CoQ10 supplement.

As for my diet, I don't eat meat, but I have fish a few times a week. I don't eat much snack food, but I do eat a lot of fruit and vegetables. I try to eat enough fruit early in the day that it's a bit of a chore, so I really don't feel like snacking. I hardly ever drink alcohol, just a few times a year. And even though I am a little overweight, I don't diet. I think it starves the ovaries or something. Last year for a month or so after our first collection, I thought it would be good to try to get back into the "normal" BMI range by losing one stone. But when my doctor tried to do a stim cycle after that, it was the only time things looked bad, and I only had one follicle so we cancelled that cycle and I didn't diet again. (On the other hand, my husband lost two stone and took supplements and his morphology improved.)

Anyway, I guess the big things I did were those two: tried to maintain a really healthy diet with lots of whole nutrients, and took supplements for CoQ10, and the Ovunol powder sachets which contain myo-inositol, folate, iodine, selenium, vitamin D and zinc.

[Janop79 in reply to LuxFleur]

Thanks for this. I’m taking all the recommended supplements apart from DHEA but the consultant I went to see recently recommended this so will look into it.

Love what you said about the tests being indicators rather than the rule so will hold this with me too.

Thanks again xxx

[AuroraXen]

Sorry to hear you're struggling my dear. It's perfectly understandable though. Try to think that some things the tests might uncover can be addressed and the effects minimised 😘 Numbers and stats aren't everything though, and you'll always find people who just get amazing outcomes against all odds. Ultimately, though it's hard, knowledge is power I guess (though Goodness knows things are hard to hear sometimes 💔) xx

[Janop79 in reply to AuroraXen]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

That’s a really good way of looking at it. I’ll have a go at reframing my thoughts as you’ve suggested.

True. I always love reading the against the odds success stories. Keeps the hope alive!

Knowing things can be so tough. A part of me wishes I could avoid the tests but I know that it makes sense to have them.

Sending love and all the luck xxx

[babycometrue]

How much cost baseline test? I had only amh age 44. Is the lining thickness change in cycle

[Janop79 in reply to babycometrue]

Hey babycometrue, I’ve just seen your message so will reply to you directly

[Cinderella5]

Hey honey, I'm sorry to see that you're struggling a bit but its lovely to see you back and fighting!!💪🏻 I think when we have been through a loss it heightens things even more. Hang on in there and try not to look too far ahead, just one step/hurdle at a time. Wishing you tonnes and tonnes of luck.😘xxx

[Janop79 in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you Cinderella5. Lovely to hear from you. Hope you and the twins are doing well.

Another low day today. Thinking too far ahead and worrying about what hasn’t even happened yet definitely isn’t helping but I’m working on staying present.