In Limbo

Hi, I'm new to this forum stuff but after some devastating news on Friday I have done nothing but search the internet looking for stories like mine & praying for a miracle. My story is that i've had 3 failed IUI treatments over the past year & a half. On the 2oth August 14 I had 5 healthy eggs removed ready for the ICSI treatment. On day 3 i had 1 of the 2 surviving eggs popped back. The only other surviving egg was turning into a blastocyst & so the professionals waited for this to finish & then successfully froze it. On 3rd September after a HCG blood test we got the best news ever, the test came back positive. Me & my Husband started to see a little colour coming back into our lives & we felt we could start meeting up with friends & family again & socialising as we have distance ourselves from everything & everyone due to our circumstances. Last Friday (19th September 14) we went for our 6 week scan only to be told that we have a sac but no faetal pole or yolk. Our world has once again coming crashing down, any light we had has now returned to dullness. I've read so many pages / forums explaining & sharing stories that when they went back the week later for another scan there was a heatbeat & that they were getting good news. Although the nurse told us to basically prepare ourselves as what she was seeing isnt a good sign & isnt what she was hoping to see. I just have a gut feeling that we wont be getting good news. All my pregnancy symptoms have disappeared & i'm feeling so low. I now have these horrible Utrogestan capsules that need to be inserted with a applicator. They are really uncomfortable to use & since using them I have a dull ache. I'm asking myself over and over why me. Im not looking forward to this Friday as I know the news we get isnt gonna be good. I wish i could climb under a big rock & never come out. I feel so many emotions, angry, sad, devastated & most of all lonely!! being a mummy is all I want. x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Whenw111itbeme. So sorry to read of your dilemma after all seemed to be going well, then to be dealt with all this uncertainty. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look good for you, but you have to keep going for the next few days just in case. Remember though, that if all turns out be the worst news, the doctors will have learnt a lot about you and how your body works. You have a strong looking blastocyst stored frozen, so hopefully when you are feeling stronger, you will be able to have that one transferred possibly on a natural cycle, avoiding the use of loads of of drugs. You will have to see what your consultant recommends, as he/she will have your best interests at heart. You’re the most important person at the moment, so you need to look after yourself and choose who you spend your time with while you are feeling so vulnerable. I do wish you well with all this, and hope for eventual success with whatever is decided for you. Diane