Dealing with mixed reactions...

I just told my friend I am pregnant, we were doing some physical labour today so had to share the news earlier than I would have chosen to.

This friend has had a previous miscarriage, and has had trouble meeting a partner and keen to start her family pre turning 40, which she is close to now....

I didn't have a great response and now I feel bad about telling her..

I have to tell my cousin post my 20 weeks scan who is struggling to conceive and now dreading that and wondering how to do it sensitively....

Not sure if anyone else has experience to share.

X

[Missl73]

When we were struggling to conceive I really hated being told in person because I’d be feeling like I’d been punched in the stomach yet had to put on a brave face. I much preferred a message so I could let my real feelings out first and reply when I was ready. If the person knew we were having IVF I appreciated it if the person telling me acknowledged it was difficult for me. I had a close friend who suffered losses and went through IVF at the same time as me, when I got pregnant and she didn’t, I told her by message and told her she didn’t have to see me until she was ready. She didn’t for a long time and it hurt but I did understand. Eventually she went on to have her own baby (not until 18 months later) and she said she appreciated the understanding I had shown her. She’s decided not to have any more kids but when I got pregnant with my second she told me how lovely it was for her to be able to be genuinely happy for me this time without any of the guilt for feeling jealous she had before xx

[Hidden in reply to Missl73]

Thanks this is good to hear this advice.

I will tell my cousin via text I think before telling any other extended family so she has time to process on her own...

We have a family gathering next weekend and have decided not to share the news as one of the girls is going through IVF at the moment.

So tricky - but as you say, being told not face to face can be easier as they can react however.

I do remember being told my sister in law was pregnant the month of our failed IVF....

X

[Gempuddleduck in reply to Missl73]

I completely agree with this! The stomach punching bit really resonates with me - a text was always so much better xx

[Hidden]

hi lovely, firstly know that they are happy for you even if they weren’t able to show it. I’ve never not been happy for a friend just incredibly sad and scared for myself. Your lovely news unfortunately just highlights to them how hard their journey is and they have no idea if the nightmare will ever end. The kindest way in my opinion is to send a text message, share your news and say that you will be led by them on how and when they want to see you. Know that you can’t change their situation so enjoy your wonderful news and celebrate with those you can and let them join you (or not) on your increíble journey at their own pace. 😘

[Runcaptain]

Would agree with those above. By message is far kinder and sooner rather than later. I was incredibly hurt by my SIL telling me at 5 1/2 months she was pregnant. She had shared her previous pregnancies much earlier, I was in the middle of a cycle raging with hormones and she chose Mother’s Day to tell me. Kindness, sensitivity and acknowledgment will all go a long way.

[Hidden in reply to Runcaptain]

wow on Mother's day - that must have hurt so much x

[Cinderella5]

I had a friend that did IVF before me and had to give up. I sent her a text separately to all of my other friends to let her process the news on her own but that i was thinking of her and how difficult the news might be. I personally feel that its the right way from own experiences...instead of trying to paint on a brave face and probably failing badly. Try not to feel bad, but also try not to lose touch with your friend over her struggles with your news.xxx

[Hidden in reply to Cinderella5]

I love this friend dearly so will def proceed with more care through the rest of my pregnancy.

I just feel bad I didn't message her in advance - but, I learned for telling the news to others in my circle that cannot easily concieve to do what everyone is saying in this thread.

Thanks for all these wise words.

Xxx