Ignorant husband

[Dachy32]

How can I get my husband to understand how ill I feel when having a flare up? Does anyone else’s husband/partner think because we get on with it and still go to work, do housework, see to kids that we arn't that bad. I’ve been doubled over all day feeling terrible but because I’ve still done jobs around the house he takes a strop because “I’m not in the mood”. I feel very hurt and angry that he can’t see how I’m really not up to it and the more he bangs on about it puts me off even more. Please someone assure me I’m not alone here x

[Hidden]

Hi Darchy,You're not alone, the pain is real.

My husband and I have a running joke about the "manslator". It's from a commedy skit where a translator had to be used to rephrase things so that men can be understood by women, - and covers the idea of a "womanslator" for the opposite.

It's a running joke because we've come to the point of explaining things that are "obvious" to one of us to the other in straightforward, factual terms... after having weired miscommunications of course.

What I'm getting around to saying is that your husband will probably not notice when you hurt too much to do housework and volunteer to help. You might need to ask.

I actually ask my husband to help me at specific times, with specific tasks. And I tell him if I'm hurting - I can hurt and have other emotions too (like be happy & hurt too), so I don't feel the need to pretend to be fine. I can be everything at once.

In other words, you don't have to slap on a fake smile by force of will, and do everything. You can say how you feel, do your best, and ask for help. I'd like to think your husband would appreciate all of your efforts. And he can make efforts too. You're in this together. 🌿🌺🌿

[Dachy32 in reply to Hidden]

Hi thanks for your reply 😊 he actually apologised today for his attitude. He says because I’m not lying around crying but bashing on with things he forgets I’m in pain. He has Crohn’s disease and had his large bowel removed 4 years ago and I’ve only been diagnosed with Endometriosis a year and even thou his disease is very well controlled and he has an illostmoy bag and feels fine I actually think he is so used to me looking after him that he’s a bit shocked that I’m ill sometimes and he has to help me 😂. Xx

[MaggieSylvie]

I think now I have a home help once a week, he's got the message.