Unsympathetic husband

[liverpool8]

Is every bodies husbands /partners sympathetic after surgery or treatment. Been having zoladex injections every month I write the dates on calendar but my husband never asks how I got on is it sore does it hurt etc he knows when I go. Makes me feel so upset and always have good cry in private makes me feel worthless. X

[wp22]

Sorry to hear that but you are definitely not alone. My now ex wasn't interested in anything I had to say about my journey with this disease either. I ended up not telling him anything even hospital visits and basically everything. I couldn't mention it as all he wanted was a happy time and a laugh. Nice hey x

[Brownlow]

Hi Liverpool8,

Sorry to hear you're so upset.

Maybe you need to sit him down and tell him what it's like and what the drug does to you. Arrange a specific agreed time and tell him you need to talk to him about a few things about your treatment.

We can't always assume that everyone is tuned in to what is affecting us and sometimes we have to directly ask for help instead of expecting it and specify how we want to be helped. Perhaps his idea of your injection is a quick jab in the arm and off you go without a care in the world. Many people have no idea that drugs can have side effects or are unpleasant and are simply taken to make you better, therefore you should be better. You need to tell him the real story. Zoladex does mad and dangerous things to you and is an extremely powerful drug. It was designed for men in advanced stages of prostate cancer so that will give an idea of just how serious a drug it is. While it might take away endo symptoms it replaces them with symptoms that are in my opinion worse and it does not even treat endo. You can end up with longterm side effects on Zoladex. I hope you are aware of the potential dangers and know what you're doing. Search top right for 'zoladex' to find all the debates on this forum so you are fully aware.

Plenty of info online about Zoladex and its potential side effects that might be useful to go through when you chat with your husband.

Incidentally, why are you getting Zoladex? I know from personal experience that it's Evil stuff and I don't advise it for anyone...unless you are perhaps dying from prostate cancer in which case it's the lesser of the two evils.

Wishing you well and sending you a hug. You are not worthless. x

[liverpool8 in reply to Brownlow]

Thank you for the reply I did my research re the zoladex but just wanted my husband to talk it through with me and he wouldn't told him it was a powerful drug he couldn't care less. To be honest so much other rubbish in my life I couldn't really care about myself. I haven't had any side effects yet but worried once I finish what it will leave me with. I have stage 4 endo consultant says I have frozen pelvis is worried about bowel and bladder . I find going to the toilet really painful at times, but I am 49 years old consultant hoping zoladex will work and then it's hysterectomy which I have reservations about. Many thanks

[Brownlow in reply to liverpool8]

Sounds like he is unable to deal with it....and he's not the one who has to suffer!

I read recently that for the first 8 weeks of pregnancy, the foetus is female! The Y chromosome foetuses (ones that will be male) get a rush of testosterone which kills off 80% of neurones in the brain that process emotional communication. This happens again when males are 14/15 and increases the part of the brain that concerns sexuality and aggressiveness....the poor dears. So while I do not feel sorry for your husband, men rarely have the tools to deal with a situation like this....and women are far more capable!!

Could you gravitate to those who do listen to you and support you like a close friend or family member? Your husband sounds like a waste of your valuable energy. Conserve it for yourself. When I went for my injections I remember feeling sorry for myself and a bit weepy but I made sure I lined up some treats for afterwards like my favourite food and a nice film to watch. Hot baths with essential oils are very restorative and comforting!

If you have been on GnRH for a while with no adverse symptoms then that might indicate that a hysterectomy would work. Personally I find it too much of a gamble. You probably know that a hysterectomy does not help in all cases. If both ovaries or even one ovary is left in then oestrogen is still produced and can cause endo to return. If both ovaries are removed you can be left with other longterm issues.

I am 48 and have a very complicated situation in the pelvis. I am not taking any drugs or hormones. I too have been recommended a radical hysterectomy removing ovaries too but I'm not that eager! I am thinking that I might just stick with a healthy diet, try some alternative treatments and hope that the menopause will help matters. I use the endo diet as a guideline but don't stick to it strictly and it has helped but it doesn't works for everyone.

Endometriosis UK charity have a helpline so it might be good to talk to someone particularly about your future options. endometriosis-uk.org/helpline

[Bokkie in reply to Brownlow]

Hi Brownlow, because of the reason you posted this response, I know I shouldn't but I just loved the 'The Y chromosome foetuses (ones that will be male) get a rush of testosterone which kills off 80% of neurones in the brain that process emotional communication. This happens again when males are 14/15 and increases the part of the brain that concerns sexuality and aggressiveness....the poor dears.' part. Feeling really down and fed up today and it made me laugh out loud! So true I think! How would men feel I wonder if the boot was on the other foot I wonder??? Think 'MAN FLU!' as an example and the sympathy and fuss they want when they have that!!!! But then as you said, 'the poor dears' can't help it.....x

[liverpool8 in reply to Brownlow]

You have been a great help thank you for time and kind words x

[Dillweed1]

It sounds like you're having a rough time. I'm on the zoladex/Decapeptyl rollercoaster too at the moment. It's not fun. Luckily my husband is very supportive but it's still hard. Try and talk to him so he knows what you are going through. There's lots of support on here so don't feel alone if you need to talk.

[Impatient]

It isn't just confined to husbands, I had mixed experiences with my siblings too. Mum was fantastic - she's had cancer and she had a pretty good idea how bad zoladex was for me.

but one brother was totally unconcerned and switched off completely, no help or support whatsoever, my other siblings were much more understanding.

I do think though that this is not your fault or mine.

Some people (men and women) just don't know how to handle such events. They find it very hard to be understanding and express empathy for someone who is ill and would rather just ignore that as best they can rather than deal with it.

Chances are this isn't the first time your hubby has dealt with a stressful situation by ignoring it. Or escaping to avoid dealing with it, such as going to the gym or the pub or garden shed, rather than sit down and discuss a bone of contention between you.

Am I right?

And as if that wasn't a big enough issue - you have the depression brought on by the drug. Even if you are too unwell with side effects to actually notice it creeping up on you, before you know it the depression is there and no matter what you do you can't switch your mindset from dwelling on the same things over and over.

i can see the depression in your post from how you express yourself.

I really would suggest that for your own sanity you either stop the drug now, and not having the next implant,

and you discuss the depression with your GP asap. Book a double appointment because your GP can assess your depression and will probably decide with you on what to do about it, and that will probably mean anti-depressants for a few months.

If you have had them before then stick to whichever type worked best for you before, if you haven't had them before then try one and if the side effects are a problem please go back to your GP to try a different sort.

for example i was on citalopram - it gave me a terribly upset tummy and a lot of wind. 2 weeks later i switched to Fluoxetine (prozac), which only made me sleepy but it was good quality sleep and i so needed it. I kind of lost my appetite too which added to the sleeping actually meant I lost 3 stone in weight in 6 months. another bonus !!

More importantly though it worked, not right away but within a few weeks I was already coping so much better. I really thought Prozac was excellent for me, but my mother actually preferred the Citalopram when she was ill, so no one drug suits everyone and be open to switching if you need to.

The way they work is what is interesting. The SSRI anti-depressants switch off your emotional reactions. Sadness, laughter, fear, that sort of thing. it is a strange experience not having an immediate reaction to comedies when you watch tv, not shedding tears when watching Titanic etc, but emotions do drain a huge amount of serotonin from your brain. You need serotonin between the memory and thought cells in the brain so you can think clearly and follow a train of thought through different memories or ideas.

When the depression sets in the serotonin levels drop too low, they cannot recover enough and your remaining serotonin gets stuck between specific thought cells, which is why your brain will keep going back to the same thoughts over and over while you are depressed. you cannot help it, it just happens to be where the brain is still working and where the remaining serotonin is in a big enough supply. If you lose too much then trains of thoughts cease to function at all and you have a mental breakdown.

Having any traumatic experiences, stress, surgery, medication, bereavement are all going to make big demands on your emotions which make big demands on the serotonin and the situation heads down hill the deeper in to depression you are headed.

the anti-depressant drugs switch off the emotions, this gives your poor old brain a chance to restock the tanks of serotonin and once they are restocked you actually cope so much better, because your thoughts are normal, you can control them, and you do not experience emotions cluttering up clear and rational thoughts, so on a practical level you will be in better mental shape than you probably have been in for quite some time.

There are side effects to research and be aware of, but speaking from my own experience, however much you may not want to go on them, the anti-depressants can really work to help you cope better with the zoladex, with endo and with domestic stress and make a big difference to how you deal with outside things that you cannot control like someone else's inability to appreciate what you are going through.

I would 100% advise you to go speak to a friendly GP with a double booking. by all means ask the receptionist at the surgery who they recommend is the best GP for depression. I'm sure they won't mind suggesting which of their GPs is best suited to be of support to you. Some GPs actually specialise in mental health, and all will have training on assessing your depression.

Even if there is a known trigger - like zoladex, the meds can give you extra support to get you back up to a happier you. and you may still need them even if you decide to quit the zoladex, because quitting isn't going to instantly get your brain working again at fully funtioning levels. Prozac isn't called the sunshine drug for nothing.

I wish you the very best, do what is right for you. ignore Mr Ostrich (head in the sand), but don't forget...and next time he is ill and needs your support and help - then you decide if you are going to give him a taste of his own medicine. You will be in a much better position to make such decisions when the depressive episode has lifted.

Unfortunately it is very common with GnRH as is stated on the drug info leaflets, but equally it is something to some extent that you can do something about too. There is help available so please discuss it with a nice Doc and decide in discussion with him or her, what you want to do to cope better. You may feel after talking about it, it is something you just want to ride out and monitor that is up to you, but don't ignore it, at the very least chat to your Doc and see what options are available to you.

I wish you all the best

We can't help how other people choose to react so in those situations there isn't much mileage in pressing the issue and banging your head against a brick wall. Instead try an get support from elsewhere.

[liverpool8 in reply to Impatient]

Thank you so much you have been a great help and all makes sense what you have said. I do feel depressed and will do something about it I have a very sympathetic GP who has been so good in the past. Xx

[CharlieSays]

Can I just add to Impatients (as always) very informative reply: I have had Prostap injections both with and without HRT. The first course was without and I too got depressed, anxious about going to work, couldnt sleep well, started to not care about my wellbeing etc, so I ended up taking Fluoxetine, which got me back on an even keel very quickly. This time around, I am taking HRT with the Prostap and so far havent had the side effects I suffered form 1st time around. So, if you do stcik with the Zoladex injections, I would recommend you ask for HRT, if you're not already taking it. They should prescribe you Livial, which has the lowest oestrogen dose and shouldnt affect your endo.

[spanishgirl]

Don't feel bad I had lap surgery and my husband hasn't ask me how I am doing .I know exactly how u feel I cry myself to sleep every night or I go in shower and cry...

[dont_give_up]

I replied to post earlier today but maybe this is appropriate here to. My wife had stage 4 endo, but now no more, she is in very early stage of pregnancy after 2 miscarriages, I was not very clear on what the endo was like from her side when I married her 10 years ago because with new wife who experienced painful sex

I was at a loss, but after watching her vomit from pain one night and 2 hectic laparoscopies, I have a great compassion for all you ladies who suffer from the condition and want to make the lifestyle change for health once again. Do not give up hope ever, plse don't.

[amyd]

Just about to have my first lap next week. When I told my boyfriend I would be going in for day surgery and need to have some recovery days off of work after, he said "maybe I can get a few days off of work and I will play Xbox whilst your off". No questions about the day surgery or if I was worried, just thought straight away about his silly Xbox! I just straight away said I didn't need him to be around as I will get my mum to stay with me.

I can't give you advice specially with your husband but I can tell you my approach to things like this; I find that different people in your life can provide different things for you and types of support. My boyfriend is fantastic for lots of things, but for medical things my mum is my go to person, my girlfriends for other things, my dad is great for stressful work situations etc. I just try to seek the right persons support for the right situation. Maybe trying to seek support from a friend or sibling by making them your 'endo go to person' may help?

That isn't to say it doesn't upset me when he is insensitive but I just shrug it off and ring my mum instead (and usually moan to her about him haha).