Annual ranty post - I'm sorry in advance❤️

[Nemofudge]

Welcome to my annual rant about this shitty condition.

For the last 6-8 months, the pain I'd got so used to handling has skyrocketed tp the point that after a decade, I'm finally prescribed painkillers that aren't paracetamol or ibuprofen. Asked to be referred back to.my gynae at the beginning of November and yet to hear back, no surprises there.

The past month I've been kicked on my ass by the worst fatigue I've experienced so far, I'm so nauseous eatings a major struggle, my moods all over the place and I'm peeing so frequently we've joked about getting me a nappy to save me the trips to the loo.

Logic would dictate I think, ignoring my coil and ignoring the condition that plagues us, that these symptoms heavily suggest pregnancy. Now, I'm 25 and newly engaged to my partner of 6 years. We've discussed plans and time frames and children, it's something we both want very much, but not on the immediate horizon.

So why did I sit there staring at that negative test for so long? Was I sad in a way I think most probably women are when they see a negative test, no matter how low the chance was, how paranoid they felt or how little the actual hope was? Do I secretly want to have a baby right this moment?

It took me a while to work out that I was sad not because of that the test showed, but because of what it meant. I've dealt with so many years of pain, got so good at powering through, of hiding it and of keeping the breakdowns to a minimum. Pain is my normal. These other symptoms, while I've dealt with them individually at some point over the years, I haven't had them all at once. To me, that test screamed what I feared, that this was the Endo all along. This is going to be my new normal.

I hate this damn thing so so much. It feels like no matter what you do, the steps you take, the ways you manage medically and emotionally, it'll bite you in the fucking arse. I know I need to talk to my GP, to wait for the referral, I know I know I know. That doesn't stop me on nights like tonight crying in the shower with the constant reminded that it can always be worse, that this is my life and that there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

I swear outside of my annual winge, no one other than my partner hears my pain, I'm actually a relatively positive person, but tonight isn't one of those nights. Tonight is a night for whiskey and tears and hot water bottles before I pull my socks back up and start fresh tomorrow.

I'm sorry for anyone this may upset, that's not my intention at all❤️

[Moon_maiden]

Sorry you’re going through so much. I have many similar days, was crying on the phone to the pain clinic sec last week as had enough. Do check out the referral with gynae department to make sure it’s been received. They can go awry very easily these days.

I’ve had problems eating for around a year, gone from 16 to 8.

Ask your GP to do an MRI referral, then at least that will save some time.

Nov 19 I did take desogestral, progesterone, this did help with emotions quite quickly. Unfortunately I can’t blame hormones anymore as had hysterectomy few months back. 😂 so now it just boils down to frustration!

If you haven’t taken a look, the endo UK site is very useful.

Hope you get sorted soon 🙂