Pain during sex

[Orangeotter]

Ever since I first became sexual active I’ve experienced pain during sex. For the first year it was okay, sometimes painful and sometimes ok. Over time it’s progressively gotten worse until I’m almost incapable of having sex. It’s probably been four months since I last successfully had sex.

After an unhelpful ultrasound and painful examination, the doctor has decided that a laparoscopy is the next best step. My mother had endometriosis (eventually a hysterectomy) and my grandmother had endometrial cancer, so she thinks it’s worth checking for endometriosis.

Since the diagnosis I’ve looked up symptoms; and found I have all of them (painful heavy periods and everything else on the NHS site). I’m sort of relieved - the only other suggested option for fixing the pain was psychosexual therapy, and I feel fairly certain the issue isn’t psychological.

I’m booked as of today to have a Laparoscopy - but the next available appointment for a CONSULTATION is late August. I have been dealing with this for a year already and the prospect of waiting around for another six months to a year for the laparoscopy, especially when it might not reveal endometriosis, is really exhausting.

It isn’t helping that my partner is so wonderful - he hasn’t complained once about not being able to have sex. But that doesn’t stop me feeling really guilty. Especially as this is our last year of university so his last chance for experiences like that. It’s not fair for me to prevent him enjoying life just because I can’t.

I was wondering if anyone else with endometriosis has pain during sex as their only symptom besides period-related symptoms. I’ve seen a lot of posts about general pain but I haven’t been experiencing any between intercourse.

And has anyone been through the process of seeing a GP and arranging a laparoscopy? I can’t believe the consultation is so far away. I expected a wait for the surgery but not for the consultation!

Also; is it likely to affect my fertility? I’m only 20 so too young for a child but now I’m getting worried that I might never be able to have one. If my fertility is going to lessen as a result of treatment or time I would rather have a child now than never. I can’t imagine a life unable to have kids.

Just need someone to talk to that’s been through this already. Advice and do & don’t. Thanks

[Nemofudge]

Hey,

I completely get where you’re coming from. I get other symptoms and pain too, but I find the issues surround sex so frustrating because it's not just you it's effecting anymore.

Mine during sex isn't always bad, it tends to vary. Sometimes it's okay, sometimes it's awful and too painful. My main issue is I'm always in horrific pain the day after, followed by bleeding and cramps and pain in that area, which almost doesn't make it worth it. My partners lovely too and never puts on any pressure and is very understanding, but I don't think I'll ever stop feeling guilty.

Probably not that you want to hear 😅 But I'm only 24 myself, so I get how frustrating it is wanting to enjoy life as a young adult but being held back by your body. You're not alone!x

[Orangeotter in reply to Nemofudge]

Thank you for the reply!

That’s almost exactly my experience - sometimes agony and sometimes is okay. Recently I haven’t managed sex at all so cant speak for next day pain, though I do feel very sore for the rest of the day.

Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone x

[CelestialFluff]

Hi. I have different symptoms so can't comment on those but my experience of waiting is very similar. I have waited 2 years from first visiting GP to reaching treatment options and it would be another 6 months for surgery.

Not saying this to depress you!! Just to suggest a private consultation can speed things up if you can afford it. This cut months off for me. Private consultation then onto his NHS list for surgery/laparoscopy. I realise you are a student and this may not be possible but worth knowing the option is out there.

Hope you find the solutions you need. Xxx

[wanwood]

I had the painful sex thing for years before other symptoms became more obvious and wish I had pushed more on the issue. (I was told it might be psychosexual and to see a therapist, but there's such a long waiting list and I chickened out. To be fair, I think that was part of the explanation, because it's easy to build up anxiety around painful sex, but the endo was the original problem.)

You may be able to get a consultation sooner by trying to get the next appointment when a cancellation comes up. The way to do this is work out which secretary is in charge of the bookings for the particular clinic you have an appointment for (the right phone number may be on your letter or you may need to ring around.) Then, ring her every week or every couple of weeks to ask if a cancellation has come up. If you are persistent enough, they may ring you when the next cancellation comes up because they know you want an appointment so badly! (You then need to take it, unless you are sitting an exam that day or out of the country or something.) This is my experience, anyway.

Please try not to worry about your fertility at this stage, if you don't feel you're ready to have a child. Time is definitely on your side at your age. Endo only affects fertility in 30-50% of cases, so even if you have it, it may not affect your fertility. Even for those women whose fertility is affected, the majority go on to have children, although it takes longer and may involve a more complicated process (IVF or more surgery). Egg freezing isn't a great option in many ways and isn't covered by the NHS, so you'd do better to wait until you're in a long term relationship with the person you want to have a family with if that's not yet the case. Anyway, all you can do is take things one step at a time -- let's get that diagnostic lap done first!

Hang in there. You've started the journey to getting better and that's the most important thing! xx

[Hidden]

There have been posts about sex before, maybe they're hard to find? Anyway, look into the Ohnut, this might help you.

Ask for an appointment with a pelvic floor physiotherapist to loosen the muscles (they tighten due to pain with periods etc).

Make sure you're super turned on as fear makes you tighten up too....

Choose different positions, there might be one that does suit you, i.e. yourself on top might be the one...

Don't worry about fertility yet... first things first. Hope you get an appointment soon(er)....