This may seem like a slightly abstract post. But I would like to hear how people feel feminine or girly whilst battling this shitty arse illness.
Basically since I have been ill with endo since August, I find myself really struggling to complete simple tasks due to fatigue and of course, self care comes into that category.
When I was in my teens I used to suffer with crippling anxiety and found that the more rubbish I felt inside, the more extra I had to make myself look on the outside. By 'extra' I mean full hair, makeup and of course a teeny tiny outfit 😅 I would use the same trick now but it can take me up to three hours to convince myself to shower some days and I can't wear anything tight anymore due to the fact my endo doesn't like having anything touching it with a waistband etc so I sort of feel that that's out.
If my situation wasn't so miserable I'd find it highly ironic that the very thing that makes me a biological women is the very thing that is eating my insides out and making me so very ill.
Obviously there is more to a woman that just dressing up and wearing a lot of makeup, but this used to be a very big deal for me, and I'd like to try and feel good about myself especially as I feel so rotten most of the time, so I would like to hear how anyone else can feel feminine.
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It is tough but because on a really bad day I don't want to stand in front of a mirror and put my make up on. I also never thought I'd own a pair of jogging bottoms but I live in them at home now and can't even look at skinny jeans anymore! Before my surgery last year I got a new bottle of my favourite perfume, so even on a shower, fresh nightware and back to bed day I spray that on as it makes me feel nicer. I've also noticed the difference of buying a really nice smelling lip balm (Burt's bees) instead of just vaseline. This is about the extent of the 'beauty regime' on a bad day.
During my lap recovery last year I watched a number of YouTube make up videos. When I was better recovered I promised myself an overhaul of my make up bag and treated myself to a few new items. I also always have painted nail's. That's my trademark as that started as a teen to make me feel better. I'm good at painting them in bed while watching Netflix lol so have kept that up. They are just small things and not magic answers as I think it's a personal thing what makes us feel femanine but these things but they do help me a bit
As a feminist I believe very strongly that there is more to being a woman than looking pretty and feminine, but as a sick person I feel angry that this part of my identity has been stripped away by my illness.
Things that have helped me:
- buying giant cosy underwear that are still low key pretty. I used to live in ugly Bridget Jones knickers but now I get high waisted lacy ones (Next does some cute ones!) in a size or two too big and it’s helped my mood so much on bad boat days!
- also cute loungewear and pjs. A silk robe looks cute as hell and also feels nice! A win.
- doing small beauty related self care tasks from bed. Painting nails. Putting on moisturiser or hand cream. It’s soothing too. A face mask is a game changer.
-fun hairstyles. Sometimes I feel like absolute rubbish and then I’ll put my hair in space buns and be a bit cheered up. Other favourites are plats or cute hair bands and clips. Just adds a bit of sparkle to my day.
- when I feel good about myself, I take photos. Then on bad days I look back and I’m like ‘two weeks ago I felt confident and accepting of my body, and even though I don’t feel that now, in two weeks I might feel it again.’ Helps me keep perspective and remember everything is transient.
- follow other endo patients on social media. I really love Lara Parker, who writes for buzzfeed. She often tackles this subject and could write about it way better than I can.
- don’t beat myself up for feeling this way. self confidence is so important and is a massive factor in our sense of self worth and overall mood. It’s ok to have bad days where we feel shit about ourselves. We are allowed. Sometimes it’s unavoidable. And our appearance used to be something we could sort of control, but now that’s been taken away from us by this disease, like so many other things. We are allowed to grieve that.
I hope some of this helps! I am happy you posted this because I would love to see what others do.
Thank you for your post. I agree with finding 'low rise' knickers - I have some but my mum will insist on buying me high waisted ones with the logic of "they'll keep you warm" 🙄🙄🙄 yes, allow yourself to grieve! We all have bad days! 💕
I love this post thank you! Going to try all of these tips I live in my disgusting oversized tees and old clothes I hate just cus they’re comfy I never think to invest in those things. Also love the knickers tip! X
I know what you mean. Over the years I’ve become so depressed and also have down days with endo. Ive put on so much weight and that’s not helping either. I’ve got a young girl who keeps me going but must admit I throw on tracksuit bottoms or leggings to do school runs. I had a hysterectomy 3 months ago and when I went back to work I made a real effort with make up and hair. It’s all started to slide again as I’m finding work exhausting mentally & physically. My husband stopped saying nice things years ago and so I have stopped caring. He tells me he’s not sure how to treat me any more.
I need to try little things to get back into being an female’ again but it is a tough one.
Do it for you! Not for your husband 💗 the hardest thing to do but it has to be for you to feel happy and like who you are. You don’t have to lose weight to love yourself. I’m loving the advice on the other comments on this board but we can all do it!! 💗💗💗💗
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