Is it me ?

[Lucy_x]

Good morning ladies,

I just really need a bit of a rant and a little reassurance today. Some of you may know , one of the symptoms that affects me is painful sex. It’s debilitating and it’s really rubbish to think The one thing a woman should be able to naturally do- I can’t . When I say painful , I don’t mean uncomfortable , I mean sharp, intense pain to the point of crying- and I am quite good at dealing with pain.

You have to laugh really, I have had so many (unsuccessful) internal examinations, I’m just used to dropping my pants when I go into a doctors room now - 2 years ago I was mortified at the thought of that. But seriously , I can’t even go through an examination without being in pain.

The last gynaecologist I saw said he thinks I may have something called vulvodynia - although linked that there must be a trigger for this and asked me multiple times if my partner had ever been forceful during sex etc. Whilst not mortified at many doctors examining me- this was something I was mortified about. I know my body - I know there is no trigger for this and I KNOW my partner has had to go without a sex like for a year and a half without ever moaning because it beings me to tears.

So now I’m being referee to psychosexual therapy - because they ‘won’t don’t anything else until this has been completed’. I am completely up for trying anything , so long as other things are being properly investigated at the same time.

I feel like I’m a nuisance and I’m being passed on from one professional to the other- none of whom can take me seriously.

It’s got to the point I wonder , is this in my head?

And then I remember - you don’t bleed for 31 days for no reason- you don’t bleed so heavily that you leak through a sanitary towel and 2 pairs of pants - you don’t have painful sex for no reason - and you’re not in pain constantly for no reason!!!!

I’m sorry for the rant ! Xx

[RJS626]

Don't apologise for the rant, that's what the forum is here for. Just wanted to say that your situation sounds nearly identical to mine, the physical and the mental. I was offered a referral to psychosexual therapy too but as soon as my GP started filling out the form I panicked and changed my mind and said I needed more time. Instead, I asked her to request my gynaecologist to refer me to pelvic floor physiotherapy which some people mention is something worth trying for pain during sex (was referred for rectifying a cystocele but will be equally hoping to address pain during sex). The emotional toll of this specific symptom is just awful, but thank you for reminding me that how I feel and the abstinence caused by the pain is normal, not my fault and not deserving of my guilt. I would love to hear your opinion on the psychosexual therapy as I do want to try everything that is offered to me, but highly doubt it will change anything as the pain is very much in my body not my mind. However, at this point anything that would help my fear of non-painful intimacy that has resulted from pain during sex would be a life saver. I really hope you get the help you need, keep pushing for it, I completely understand and so will many others here x

[Lucy_x in reply to RJS626]

I’m so sorry I didn’t see this until now to reply to!! I’m so sorry you’ve gone through something similar and I hope you’re finding a way through it ! It’s so hard to sometimes remember it’s not our fault! Selfishly , I get annoyed sometimes when I hear my friends talking about their ‘amazing ‘ sex life & I know that’s so silly and selfish !

I’m going to try this psychosexual therapy - I don’t have high hopes to be honest & it’s more as a point prover to the specialists but I will go in with an open mind as I have nothing to lose x

[RJS626 in reply to Lucy_x]

Don't apologise for that - and I get that whole reaction to hearing about others' sex lives too, it is absolutely not selfish/silly, it would be like somebody talking about how amazingly light and painless their flow is - it's bound to hit a nerve given our circumstances!

Yeah it's definitely worth taking everything offered so that investigations can progress, but as I say even if they can help your feelings about sex whether it be guilt, anxiety, whatever, that is still something to be gained for your relationship and for your emotional wellbeing even if it doesn't solve the physical cause (which I don't blame you being sceptical about it doing). Good luck!

[Lucy_x in reply to RJS626]

Thankyou so very much ! It’s always so nice & relieving to know I’m not The only person going through this - sometimes I do wonder if they’re right saying it’s in my head - how ridiculous !!! X

[RJS626 in reply to Lucy_x]

You and me both, but it's definitely very real and expected given the nature of the condition x