Stage IV endo - IVF

[katie26]

Long post!!!!

Hi all,

Can’t believe I’m writing this actually but after a few days of feeling like utter crap, I need to get something off my chest and look for some advice on how to deal with it.

All experts agree I won’t conceive naturally. I have had 2 laparoscopies and finally last year had a laparotomy where I had to have a bowel resection (with ileostomy) & stents in kidney tubes they removed a massive amount of adhesions and scar tissue but as we all know that only results in more scar tissue!!!

I was hoping the last op would increase my fertility for a small window however within 3 days of op consultant cane and said it’s not made a difference and I’d still need IVF.

Off we went to our GP who referred us to our closest fertility centre who completed an MOT aside from the endo we are both fine regarding sperm and egg count etc.

Unfortunately we were declined nhs funding as my husband as a son from previous relationship. so we put a pause to it all as we were just in the middle of completing the purchase on our house and were due to get married in 7 months!

Wedding has come and gone and I’m now having these thoughts of ‘what if when we finally are in a financial position to do IVF, it’s too late for me’

I’ve tried to talk to my husband about this worry and his response was ‘have we got 10k? No, then that’s that, if it was something that was going to be a dead cert then I’d borrow the money tomorrow’ My success rate % is currently reported at around 30% so it’s never going to be a dead cert! My husband is never going to have the yearning I have inside of me to be a parent. He has created life, knows unconditional love and has an amazing relationship with his son.

How do I broach this, I can’t force him into this, it’s a lot of money for something that might not work. If I insist on borrowing and it doesn’t work, will he resent me? He is never Comfortable in debt and avoids borrowing anything so I know it’s hard for him to justify. I’m starting to think he would be perfectly ok with not having anymore children but I would be devastated.

Feeling really low and confused and just don’t know how to handle everything!!

[Penelopeel]

Katie the big question is your age. If you are young then ivf isn’t so urgent as you have time on your side. If you are older (mid 30) then maybe your husband will realise you have to try now why chances still good. Good luck.

[katie26 in reply to Penelopeel]

I’m 32 in August so I feel like time is of the essence. Knowing how long the process can take. I feel like I don’t want to rail road him into this it’s hard enough to go through without one of you not 100% in it. I just feel like he’s written it off as we can’t afford it.

He’s very understanding about everything an amazing man and supportive partner but I feel this may cause tension with us that I really want to avoid. But to what detriment

Thanks for taking the time to reply

[NW248]

I have to say, if I'd had my time again I would have adopted, by the time I realised I would never be able to conceive I was too old to adopt. What about trying fostering with a view to adopting just to see if looking after a child that isn't biologically yours will fill that gap you feel. It may not be your ideal solution, but I feel that with that amount of surgery, even if you got pregnant there could be complications for yourself or the baby. The financial impact would also put a huge strain on the relationship.

[katie26 in reply to NW248]

I’m asked this my friends and family. I think it takes a certain kind of person to be able to do that job. Foster and even to adopt. I don’t think I could xx

[Lottie80]

Im sorry to hear that you are so low Katie.

IvF isn't cheap and as you say, there are no guarantees for anyone. Chances are better the younger you are. As you will be paying there will be no waiting list.

You are probably well aware of what Im about to say. I think you and your husband need to have a serious conversation now. Chances of it working will decrease with time. Focus on explaining on how you feel and how important this is for you. He needs to understand that.

Finally regardless of what the doctors say, if you have an ovary, a tube and a womb there is a small chance you could get pregnant naturally. It may be a very small chance, but there is one.

Take care and good luck x

[katie26 in reply to Lottie80]

Thank you for your message xxxx