Can’t keep pretending I’m okay

[princessk09]

Sorry in advance for this rant.

I’ve been feeling up and down recently, some days I’m good and others I just want to crawl into a hole and cry.

It’s been a month since my lap and I’ve started getting the heavy dull ache and sharp pains in my ovaries. It’s not ovulation and I’m due my period soon. I’m constantly tired and my back is killing me. I’m dreading my period as my last one was horrendous like it was pre lap.

I can’t tell anyone this as they won’t believe me or just call me a drama queen. My follow up isn’t till the 19th October so it’s a while away and I can’t start treatment until then since my gp doesn’t know what my gynae wants me to try etc.

Can cysts or endo grow back after a month? Or could I still be healing? My bellybutton stitches still hurt but I had to go back to golf quite early due to my dad wanting me to pretty much straight away

I’m starting university in 2 weeks which is causing me stress since my parents are pretty I have against it. I’m excited for uni itself but I can never seem to please my parents if it’s not golf related. They keep pretty much telling me how my life is gonna be and what I’ll be doing in 2 years time etc which doesn’t include uni in their plans. Sorry I’ve gone off topic.

I guess so much has built up recently and I can’t tell anyone. I can’t trust my boyf as he pretty much gets my hopes up of visiting and just lies to me.

💕💕

[Flossy13]

I can’t help you much but it sounds like you’re doing too much too soon. I had my lap on 13th July and I still get tired now. I had pains for ages and I usually deal with pain really well. My belly button was the worst. Doctor said I have fibroids and I’ve over done it so maybe I stretched or something and it’s torn away. I took it easy for a week and felt much better.

My advise to you would be to listen to your body. Your body is sending you messages to slow down! Don’t pretend that you’re ok, because clearly you’re not. I get good and bad days too. A bit of both in the same day. One minute I’m fine and the next I am emotional and down. I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and cry too. On my own.

If you’re worried, you could always call your consultants secretary and ask for advice. You may not get answers straight away but it’s better than waiting until 19th October.

I’d say lay off the golf. You need to focus on you. Make yourself a priority and take it easy.

So sorry you’re going through a bad patch at the moment. I don’t like hearing about others upset and feeling rubbish. Feel free to message me if you ever need a chat. I don’t want you to feel alone. If you need to rant, I’m up for a rant. 👌🏼

Take it easy sweet.

[princessk09 in reply to Flossy13]

I wish I could lay off the golf but my dads in charge and I don’t really have a choice. I have to go otherwise he will go all moody and not talk to me. I’m sleeping a lot but still waking up tired and then going gym at 8am and then golf etc. Xx

[SimplyDeeDee in reply to princessk09]

Does your dad know the full extent of what you are going through? It's tough for them to understand mine just asks if I'm ok and usually I pretend and say yes but he can tell when I not; he just doesn't know how to handle his daughter in pain. I'd say sit down with him have a serious talk, with medial note, research and everything then he may just realise you can't swing a club just yet. Golf is very strenuous using muscles you should be resting for a while. Incisions may look like they are healing on the outside but on the inside your body will lake a lot longer to heal and there is the fatigue; this kicks the life out of you so just pull the brakes a little, only you know how you are doing. Plus you need to think about what you want to do and you also need something you will enjoy after something so traumatic. Sometimes going through so much gives you a chance to reevaluate things.

Dads and golf what are they like!

[princessk09 in reply to SimplyDeeDee]

Yeah, he has an idea of what happened during surgery and what endo is. Ever since I was a kid, he’s been the same, I have to act strong all the time or not share my feelings.

If I ever say I want a rest, he doesn’t like it so I just go practice or play. I was shattered after playing 3 holes the other day and he wants me to play 9 tomorrow 😫

My bellybutton isn’t healing very quickly and is hurting me atm. I went to the gym a week after surgery as my parents want me in good health ASAP pretty much. Xx

[SimplyDeeDee in reply to princessk09]

A week is way too soon to go to the gym after surgery the doc would tell them so.

I would at least give it a month; your stomach won't heal if it it being pulled every day. Good health also requires rest.

Have you looked into other athletes that may have had the surgery and been in a similar predicament? just trying to think of backup cases for you sometimes if you keep on at them they start to back down. Part of being strong is also being able to tell them let you ease back into it. I'd hate for you to hurt yourself.

[Flossy13 in reply to SimplyDeeDee]

I agree with what everyone else has said.

You need to put yourself first. Doing what your parents are telling you to do is only going to make them win. If you say “actually no, I can’t do that. It’s not that I don’t want to but I physically cannot do that. I am putting myself first and I need to recover and take things easy” they may actually take a step back and realise.

Do you even enjoy golf or are you only doing it to please him? You have to think, is it really worth it?

Take advice from everyone here. Those that understand the pain and exhaust you’re going through. We’ve been there. Put yourself first, whether it annoys your Dad or not. Surely you’re health and well-being is at his best interest?! If not then sod him. You’re worth more than that.

[princessk09]

Thank you for your comment. If I tell him how my dull ache has come back. He will call me a drama queen and it’s all in my head. When it’s not as the feeling has come back and I’m worried it may be growing back already! Or cysts could be back 🙄

They aren’t very understanding or listen to me. I’d get more of a response from a wall. Xx

[princessk09]

I wouldn’t even wish endo on my worse enemy right now! I’ll probably have to wait till I start treatment and see if it improves it any way.

Hopefully my parents will be compassionate soon xx

[vmagpie]

Seriously message me if you need to talk princessk09.

I can’t relate to the over bearing parents.. but I can imagine this is adding to the stress you’re already feeling xx