I’ve been struggling for a few weeks recently with feeling sad, guilty, lonely and crying a lot. My mind is going crazy 24/7.
My parents aren’t supportive which I’ve mentioned a few times in posts and always say it’s my fault and I’m basically a disappointment.
I have no energy atm and my hormones are all over the place.
I keep having thoughts my boyfriend is going to leave me for someone who isn’t in pain, can have sex and isn’t a mess like me. I don’t want to tell him as he will be like “don’t be silly” and I don’t want my problems to become his and make him worried etc.
The stress of everything is breaking me down to the point I just want to give up with everything. I’m so unhappy atm and I don’t know if it’s hormones being imbalanced or not.
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princessk09
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Its not your fault and your parents have no right to judge you. Its their job to give unconditional love to their kids, so i would judge them as being pretty poor at it if they are making you feel that way!
Hormones may not be helping, but Endo is very isolating and its normal to worry about relationships, I have those worries often too. Xxx
If you can find some kind of confidential counseling service locally perhaps that would be something to explore xxx
I’m really sorry to hear you’re struggling so much emotionally at the moment. Certainly with my endo diagnosis also came a diagnosis of anxiety and depression and I think it’s common for mental health to fluctuate with chronic illness because it’s so tough, especially if you haven’t got a really solid support system in place. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made was to go and see a psychologist. I see her weekly and as well as working on my anxiety which can be crippling at times, we also work on acceptances for my illnesses and tools to help me through the really dark times. Do you think this is something that could help you? Sometimes just knowing you have a weekly/ bi-weekly appointment with an ally on your team can really help to boost the moral.
If I want to see a psychologist, I’ll have to try and tip toe around my parents so they don’t find out. There’s isn’t a counselling service in my area but I used to see a psychologist who is amazing, however my parents would have to take me xx
I’m sorry to see you are having such a horrid time right now. I can relate -had chronic endometriosis for 7 years - stage 4 resulting in total abdominal hysterectomy- so I understand your angst. Unbearable at times. 😏
I believe there are a few talking therapies available for free that you could access via your mobile and at your choosing - it might help you a little. Just a consideration, perhaps? I think it’s called ‘Moodzone’ part of the NHS counselling services.
Never forget we’re all here for you but I understand your feeling. I’ve been struggling emotionally for several years and have intense guilt as I’ve been lucky and had a beautiful girl. I did online councilling through the NHS and I felt safe & non judged. I’m in Surrey and website is iesohealth.com/Surrey but I’m sure there’s the same all over UK.
Sadly it doesn’t cure the problem but gives you some insight and coping mechanisms. I still struggle going out and meeting friends but have learnt not to think they judge me!
It’s so hard, my boyfriend knows something is wrong so this morning I nearly just poured my heart out but only told him bits. He was like “I know it’s tough atm but after your surgery hopefully things should get better” and was like you’re still my perfect girl no matter what.
Like I’m just a mess atm and I don’t know if it’s to do with hormones as well as they may be imbalanced and causing me to just cry at everything. I never used to cry haha and now it’s different xx
Hugs, hopefully you feel reassured by your boyfriend's comments. Xx
Progesterone can cause low mood but if i remember you're not on any meds are you. Keeping a mood diary might help validate if hormones are exacerbating things, but depression is a common effect of suffering any chronic pain including endo xx
If you can't speak to your parents right now about seeing a counsellor or psychologist and cant travel independently into town then it does seem like taking advantage of online resources and apps to help you cope may be the way to go, and dont forget the samaritans helpline.
Were always here to listen and there are a couple of dedicated depression and anxiety forums on health unlocked too xx
A little bit but I’ve always had trust issues so I’ll always have doubt in the back of mind over my boyfriend and stuff. Even though he’s amazing xx
I try and use headspace which is amazing but you have to pay to use all the packages. I’ve had depression in the past but maybe it’s just starting up again xx
If there were some techniques (cbt, meditation etc) that you found helpful from your episode before or from your time with that psychologist perhaps worth giving them a try, though i always find the things that help hard to do when it gets on top of me.
Big hugs, hang in there and focus on the surgery which hopefully will bring some relief xx
Big, gentle hugs. It sounds like you're really going through it at the moment and really need someone to talk to.
It really does sound like your depression is rearing it's ugly, unattractive head again. It is all hormones and while the operation will help, not talking about it to anyone won't. I completely understand why you don't want to talk to your parents, who've quite frankly not behaved as parents should; and I also get why you haven't told everything to your boyfriend. However, if he's worried about you and has asked what's wrong, maybe pouring your heart out to him will actually help? If he cares enough to notice that something is wrong, then maybe he will try and understand more than you realise and be the great support you need right now. As for your parents, it sounds like they're judging without understanding, have they ever been to the doctor with you? Maybe if they went to an appointment with you, especially if you go and explain how you're feeling at the moment, they will understand more and not be so judgemental.
If your parents are definitely a no go area, are there any other family members you trust and can speak to privately for the support you desperately need which you're not getting from your parents? Or other adults you trust? Your boyfriends parents perhaps, or another friend? If there's a way for you to get to your GP without your parents, I'd suggest speaking to them, they might be able to refer you to a talking therapies service, and if nothing else, they will listen to you and help you through it.
If you really can't get to a doctor soon, then Samaritans sounds like the thing to do, they will not only listen, they may be able to suggest other services that you can go to. And always remember, we're all here for you on health unlocked, and it might be worth you checking out Endometriosis UK, call their helpline, see if there's a group near you that you can visit. I'm also on a site called My Endometriosis Team, much like this site, it's a forum for women with endo, there's women on there from all over the world who're going through the same things as you.
I really hope you get the help and support you need soon, going through endo on your own is tough, depression makes it ten times harder. Fingers crossed your operation goes well and things improve for you.
I’ve grew up to think I can’t talk about my feelings to anyone and my parents aren’t exactly understanding or know how to put themselves in other peoples shoes. That’s why I got depression a few years ago when I was 16. I’ve always kept things to myself until it’s basically eats me alive and controls my life.
I don’t like my bf worrying about me and it’s long distance so we rarely see each other. And I hate dragging people into my problems. It’s just the way I’ve been brought up I guess. Never met my bfs mum yet haha but I wish i had rn. He is really sweet though
My parents never go to my appointments as my mum doesn’t like talking about periods and vaginas 🙄 and then they call me weird and it’s my fault. Xxx
It's never, ever your fault, please don't think that! If your Mum has issues talking about something that is a natural thing for women, that's her problem, not yours, you are not weird. Do you have any other friends you can talk to?
Believe me, I completely understand the difficulty with talking about it, it's not easy opening up to people. But, and I speak from experience on this, it will help if you do. I constantly battle with telling people how I really feel, but when I do, I always feel better (that's not to say I always do it at the right time, it's a learning curve, the same as anything else). Please, please don't bottle it up, you need to talk about it, whether that's with family, friends, your GP, or a counsellor/psychologist, you cannot ignore your feelings until they eat you up and control you. I know it's difficult to break out of the cycle where you don't say how you're feeling, you feel ridiculous/silly for feeling that way and can even recognise that it might be irrational? But that's ok. It's absolutely ok to feel that way, it's ok to be upset, it's ok to be angry, it's ok to cry...what's not ok is to let it eat you up and control you. Talking it through with someone will help you understand it and you may also learn some ways to help you self-manage it.
I get you don't like you bf worrying about you, but he is, and maybe talking to him about it will alleviate his worries, and will help you feel a little better that you have spoken to someone about it. From what you've said, it sounds to me like he's a lovely guy, and the fact he's noticed you're not ok despite the long distance between you I think is a good thing. Give him the opportunity to show you how much he cares and how supportive he can be, he'll only be able to do that if you share with him how you feel. Ultimately you need support and it sounds like he's willing to provide it. xxx
My parents constantly make me feel like I’m not good enough at anything I do. Which then I think I’m not good enough for my boyfriend. I have my best friend but I rarely see her as my parents pretty much control my life. If I want a few days off from golf, I’ll get shouted at. But atm I’m starting to hate the sport and my dad is falling out with me
My bf is amazing, he has helped me a lot over the past year with a variety of issues. He always makes sure I’ve eaten every night as I can skip meals especially when I’m feel down and stuff. I’m just scared he won’t be at my surgery when I get a date, otherwise I’ll be going through that alone since I don’t want my parents there until I need picking up afterwards xx
Oh lovely. They sound really controlling and not understanding you as a person at all. I don't know you, but I want to tell you that you are good enough, you are doing really well to cope the way you are and to reach out on here shows you want to do something about it. Their inability to understand your issues is a problem with them, not with you. Do you have a golf coach? Are you close enough with that person that you can tell them how you feel? If you have trouble talking with your parents, is there someone else they'd listen to who you can, and would feel comfortable, talking to?
There is absolutely nothing that's more important than your health right now, so you concentrate on that and try not to worry about what your parents want or think. At the end of the day, if you're not well, you won't perform very well in your sport, so you have to look after yourself, both physically and mentally. A break away from golf will no doubt do you some good, you can reset your head and reassess what you want from your life, if that includes golf, great, if it doesn't then that's fine too, but you need the time to decide.
Could you go and stay with your boyfriend for a bit after you've had your lap? You won't be able to play golf for at least 2-3 weeks post-op anyway, and will have to take it easy when you do return. You'll have had abdominal surgery so the twisting that you do to swing the golf club will likely cause some discomfort, both internally and to the wounds from the operation itself, so I would think you'll need to be super careful for a few weeks after your initial recovery period. The last thing you'll need at that time is your parents putting pressure on you to get back to golf when you won't be fit enough. Spending time away from your parents might be exactly what you need, and will be a decision for yourself despite what they think. It may also go some way to showing them that they don't control you, and that you will do what you feel is best for YOU.
I know you're not in the right place emotionally, mentally or physically at the moment, but you do need to think about how you can break free of your parents control. You're an adult too and have the right to say how you feel, and to do what you want when you want to without them making you feel inadequate, guilty, inferior, silly or any of the other negative emotions and thoughts you feel. If it would help you, could you get your boyfriend to be there as a support for you when you do talk to them? Would he be willing to do that for you, and stand up for you to them if they won't listen to you?
You are a strong, independent, inspirational woman, and you are so, so good enough. Please please believe that. You're boyfriend has supported you amazingly to this point, trust that he will do so beyond the op.
I haven’t got any adult I’m close to enough to talk about all this. My coach isn’t the kinda coach I can talk to about things non golf related
Me and my bf were planning to meet and stay in a hotel overnight in a couple of weeks as he’s gonna visit but it all depends on if I travel to Scotland or not. If I do, then I won’t see him for another 4 weeks 😫. I probably won’t be able to stay with him after my lap as I’d have to get a train and stay with him and his family who I don’t know yet as I’ve never met them. Plus I might not have the energy to travel and stuff.
He is amazing and I always feel bad if I drag him into my problems. I’m not sure if he would stand up to them but he would say something probably. Xxxxxxx
Xxxxxx you sound just like me. And today was a day I wanted to cry a lot but had to suck it up as u was with a friend and my kids and did not want them knowing. And I too have the same feelings about my husband. I too feel so guilty that I cannot give him what he wants. That he will end up needing more and will ultimately find someone else. You are not alone in how you feel but please don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault your unwell. And, if u need to cry cry. We can’t stay strong all the time. We need to be able to let it all out.
I’m sorry you’re going through the same. It’s horrible. Today I’m getting sharp pains in my ovaries just after my period and I honestly don’t know what it could be but I want answers. I don’t tell anyone the pain anymore, just smile and act like I’m okay.
Without my boyfriend I would be in a much worse state. He always tries to cheer me up and make me smile. It’s just I haven’t told him the whole story yet. Xx
Yea I’ve only had my hysterectomy a month so thinking of period dates and thinking that could be why my ovaries r hurting and I have inflammation all over too. Another thing the dr never said. My husband is trying to be supportive too. And I too don’t want to tell him I’m still having pain. The expectation that when I have the op you will be better isn’t nessesarily the case at all.
Yeah I’ve have two gynaes say I have adnexal tenderness. I still have no idea what it means but it’s something to do with ovaries and Fallopian tubes etc. My lower stomach just above my pubic bone is always tender to touch.
I’m glad your husband is trying at least but I bet he will be understanding if you tell him you’re still having pain. You may still be recovering as well xx
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