Need some support post lap

[Hannah27]

So finally got my diagnosis in January after my first ever lap. Went back to work yesterday six weeks post op, I'm a nurse so was dying to get back to work but doing shorter shifts as I'm on my feet all day etc.

My colleagues got me a huge bunch of flowers and a card welcoming me back and I'm on reduced hours. Kept having to sit down but everyone was great and j got a small ten minutes break in the afternoon too. Getting so much support its amazing.

But the flippant comments if 'just have a baby' or 'my daughter had what you had and got pregnant straight away!' I just broke down. Might not be able to have babies etc.

I am so angry at this illness. I was a sister for cancer research this time last year running clinics and had my own case load of patients, but my manager was such a bully because of my 'little bit of period pain' that I left that job to go back down £5000 a year and two job bands to help my health. I had to stop running because last time I ran I collapsed and passed clots for two days. I've changed my diet, my alcohol intake, my social life, my sex life. I've lost friends. Have been told to try for a baby now but I've always wanted to be married first so now we are getting married in summer but I might be pregnant then which isn't what I wanted either, just timing wise. We have a house that we wanted to fix up a bit more before babies. It just seems like this fucking illness has control over everything. I can't stop crying. I'm so angry and bitter that there is nothing that will stop it coming back. Limping home after a 12 hour shift or fainting from bleeding so much etc etc. I know all you ladies go through the same.... I'm just so angry and upset that this has happened. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, but this one illness has just affected and changed everything. I'm going to get some therapy to talk to someone professional about all this but it's only just hit me what the last few years have been like. Sorry I just needed to rant I think, it feels like this is just a prison sentence.

Any tips on how to get over this very depressing spiral of doom I'm in would be greatly appreciated. I'm not usually like this but it's all just hit me, as I'm sure it's hit a lot of you too.

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

Wish I could advice but I can't your doing everything I would have advised. I'm so sorry lovely. Sending you a virtual hug 💗💗🤗😘😘

[Hannah27 in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

Thanks so much for your reply, I do love a virtual hug! Just knowing people are there is a big help. I know we all go through it and it's not just me that has these terrible moments so I really appreciate the reply xxx

[AllWeNeedIsluv in reply to Hannah27]

Bless you, think the ladies underneath understand your situation that bit more. I'm a stay at home mum atm . Hope things start looking better for you soon. Lovely 💗🤗😘

[Starry]

Huge hugs xx

Shocked at your colleagues ignorance of this illness and their thoughtlessness, especially as health professionals. The different types of this disease are so poorly understood.

I related a lot as I'm going through a similar angry phase struggling to come to terms with what my stage 4 endo has done to me. I'm 7 months post op and only now attempting my second return to work (crashed and burned on my first try in Sept). I developed complications including viral meningitis, reflux esophagitis and food intolerances, coxxodynia nerve pain and chronic fatigue syndrome.

I've just had to negotiate to go part time with my manager and face a big pay cut. I can't eat out due to all the foods I'm allergic to, can't drink, am in constant if mild to moderate pain, continue to suffer dyspareunia but by far the worst of all but totally invisible I get extreme, incapacitating fatigue after 2 to 4 hours of activity. I have no life anymore. I know its chronic disease but I thought after the op you got a few years remission type thing.

I'm seeing a counsellor and think it does help you cope and gives you a safe place to vent, but for me it's going to be quite a long process to make peace with the disease and accept the constraints of a chronic disease. Its so hard to come to terms with everything and accept that "this is it now" . It's shocking how life changing its been in a relatively short space of time.

6 weeks is still very early so just go gently and be easy on yourself. It takes at least 12 weeks to heal internally which I'm sure you know as a nurse and your body is still recovering from the assault of surgery.

Thinking of you

Xxx

[Ceri1973]

Hi Hannah 27, you poor thing i am a nurse to and it’s a tough job to do without having endo. I am further along in my diagnosis and have got to the point where I am now having a hysterectomy. Luckily fo me I work with some colleagues who also have endo.

I have never experienced such negativity as you have . They are the ones at fault and they have no idea what it’s like. I am also a sister and myself and my boss support all our staff with occ health referrals, adjustments where needed. It may not be your thing but occ health can refer you to a counsellor and this may help deal with all the issues that are troubling you and developing coping mechanisms. I have and it helped as I was so angry about how it affected my life.

As for your previous boss how unprofessional and unkind. Unfortunately there are many nurse managers who are like that. I’m really sorry you left a job that you obviously loved. She shouldn’t have got away with it.

Good luck with everything big hugs xx

[Hidden]

Hi Hannah27

Well done for going back - it's never easy and in my experience the comments are IMPOSSIBLE to turn off. People want to give you a solution, but we all know it isn't that easy.

Have you spoken to occupational health at your trust? They are good at getting you extra support, counselling and even complementary therapies in some places.

Keep going and stay strong. Your health is more important than your work (I say this as a confirmed workaholic who's taken a step back and felt 1000% better for it).

Mrs P