Endometriosis UK
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End–o and relationship after diagnosis and laparoscopy

Hey,

This is my first post and only a few days after laparoscopy and finding out I do have old, new and scar tissue endometriosis. I don’t know what they’ve classed it as but the elated feeling I have about being diagnosed is great, it’s just the feelings around it all that no one understands. My boyfriend does but I can’t accept that he still understands and wants me after the way I look and am. Who I am, I have no idea anymore.

End–o has drained me for so long but on the positive I felt amazing after the laparoscopy.

We’ve been together for 1 year and 5 months and he’s amazing but I’m far from the woman I was when we met.

I was fit, healthy, able to do things, without him having to care for me or worry about me, I would want to do everything for him. But now I can’t, it’s sad. I had drive, passion, love for everything and would give everything my all.

I have none of that now, I’m positive it will all come back but I don’t think it’s fair he has to put up with this for much longer.

For me sex is so important in a relationship and so is being able to support my boyfriend. He doesn’t deserve this stress either. I love feeling close with him.

Is this normal to feel like this after finding out about end–o and having the surgery?

I want to be the woman he fell in love with even if he tells me he loves me more now.

This is hard work trying to understand everything in one go.

Thanks everyone and sorry if this sounds a bit down, I’m genuinely not but want to be with this guy for the rest of my life and don’t want this to jeopardise it.

sending all my love to you all going through this.

Jen

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Hi, its normal to feel down after surgery, it's a relief it's over and it's the stress of the diagnosis and what the future will hold. Please don't be so hard on yourself, if your boyfriend didn't like you, he wouldn't be with you. Just spending time together is good for your relationship, tell him how much you appreciate his support and maybe when you are feeling better maybe arrange a trip or a holiday for you both. In the meantime though you must concentrate on your recovery, listen to your body and rest. Hope you have a speedy recovery and feel better soon.

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Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it and such good advice. I’ll remain positive, your message will help whenever I start to struggle so thank you loads 😊. I hope all is going well with you now too.xxxx

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I think it is a normal worry that all women with endo have, and I can tell you from experience that a lot of women also feel this way after they have children. We (sadly) can't stay 25 forever. I have recently had a hysterectomy and the way I feel about my body now is sometimes very difficult to deal with. However my husband carries on regardless and doesn't react negatively to my body or the way it looks now despite the fact he's seen and dealt with things which TBH I think could quite justifiably kill anyone's attraction for another person. I remember one particular night last year where I had to be taken to A&E with complications after surgery and he had to literally carry me to the loo and hold me on it. I still feel so horrible when I think about it now.

But this is part and parcel of being together long term - you are going to have to see and deal with things that aren't always that nice. I always remind myself how I would feel if he was ill instead of me and I know I would take care of him in the same way, and I wouldn't love him any the less for it.

Hope that helps. Things do get better when you get some distance from the surgery. It just takes time. x.

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Thank you also for your kind words and support. To have your perspective is nice to relate to but can see it’s ongoing for many women, hugs your way.

It’s nice to hear your husband is so supporting. It’s times like these you find the truest of people and caring. I like how you turned it round the other day, it makes so much sense.

Sounds like a very tough time you went through, I hope your doing a bit better now. Here if you ever want to chat too please. Remember you’re beautiful, always, I understand how you feel though.

It did really help, so thank you lots again.xxxx

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I'm two weeks post op today and since the op my emotions have been all over the place, I actually feel a mess! I can go from angry to upset in a matter of minutes or one situation. You have to remember you have been through a lot emotionally and physically. You have to listen to your body and not to compare your recovery and journey to other peoples (this is something I have struggled with) everyone is different, whilst we can all relate, no one has the same experience.

I agree with what has previously been said, he obviously wants to be with you, and is supporting you through it all. I think it's difficult for men to understand sometimes. My boyfriend is supportive in his own way. Now is your time to make some plans for when your back on your feet 🙂 spend quality time together and grow as a couple. We have put together a list of things we want to do, things we may of missed out on prior to my surgery and when I'm better I'm going to put them in a jar and we will work our way through the dates.

Take care, be strong, everything will be fine. In recovery it is important to take time for yourself.

Lots of hugs xxx

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It is draining, I feel you there completely. Listening to the body is a must though, that was the first thing I did wrong. Went and was active because I hate sitting around :). This community is lovely and supporting, people understand more so here. It’s a good little place to be in.

I did notice the temperamental moods too. I expected them to be gone. No idea why though😊

I love that idea of the jar. I think I’ll suggest that to him. We were going to do it before when I was struggling but never got round to it because the focus was on getting a diagnosis. Thank you so much, that has really helped❤️.

It sounds like it’s been hard for you too, I hope you got everything sorted with your doctors etc, and here if you need anything too.

Lots of hugs back lovely and thanks again. Xxxx

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