Will endo mean the end of my relationship?

[Kelly53]

I was diagnosed 3 months ago and I've had my boyfriend who I adore for 1 year. He was always so kind and lovely. Doing little things to make me smile but, since the diagnosis... He's been different. He gets mad at me a lot and last night told me to 'get ahold of myself'. He seems to not even love me anymore and to be growing away from me. I don't want to lose him but, I think he's lost it for me. What should I do?

[kvillaweaver]

Hey Kelly. It's a really tough one. I've been with my partner for over four years and occasionally he gets a bit strange about my endo. He hates me being in pain, and totally run down, miserable etc, and I think he gets short with me because he thinks I'm not doing anything to fix it. I think partners like to be able to make us feel better, and unfortunately there's no 'cure' for endo, it's not as simple as just popping some pills, or getting treatment. Plus, we all know how long doctors take to get things done, referrals for appointments, scans etc.

Perhaps you could arm him with information, make sure he really knows what you're going through. Take him to your dr's appointments so he knows how they go. I think our nearest and dearest don't know the half of what we suffer with (and of course, we don't tell them it all, because some of it's not so pleasant!), but if he understands more then he'll know there's no easy fix.

My other half keeps saying, 'why don't you just go and have surgery again? That worked last time!'. Oh, if only it were that simple!!

Hope that helps!

[Kelly53 in reply to kvillaweaver]

That does help. I have say down and told him but, he acts like he doesn't need to know. He saw me get sick from it for the first time the other day and I know he cares because he was very scared by it. I have another appointment today for some bad results! Brilliant!

[GeorgiePea31]

Hello Kelly53,

I totally sympathise with you, I'd been with my partner for 6 years when I was diagnosed and had my op. It was really tough and i agree with kvillaweaver. My partner and i are still together but it has not been easy and a learning curve for both if us. Taking him to my appointments helped and sharing info like, articles in magazines written by other women with eno i think helped a lot. Unfortunately only patience and time will tell. Sending you love and hugs!

[Kelly53 in reply to GeorgiePea31]

Hey, I just wanted to know if you've had a scan ever? I have one coming and I don't mind the 'jelly on the belly' but, I don't want it... You know...

[GeorgiePea31 in reply to Kelly53]

Hi Kelly53! Yes! Trust me you'll be much more comfortable with the jelly! They're usually pretty good at getting it over and done with as soon as possible to avoid too much discomfort. =] Good luck!

[Kelly53 in reply to GeorgiePea31]

I was told I might not get a choice with how they do it and I'm really depressed tonight because it makes me feel so invaded and I was forced into seeing a gynaecologist and I couldn't have sex with my boyfriend for months because I felt invaded and uncomfortable..

[GeorgiePea31 in reply to Kelly53]

Hey Kelly53, it's you're body! Don't feel forced to do anything, i've personally stopped a few internal exams because it's been so painful and re made the appointed for another day hopeful i'll be more relaxed. See how you get on, but if you're uncomfortable at any point don't feel pressured into anything.

As for sex, i hear you. It's painful, it's sore and miserable. Personally after a lot of research I decided to use dilators to help! I've just written a post on here about it =] worth asking your GP or specialist about it next time you see them. Also there are lot's of other sexy things to do besides intercourse! =D although it's hard to feel sexy and wanted when you have end i know.

I wholeheartedly encourage you not to give up and do some of your own research and try new things that may or may not help, but at least we tried right? =]

[Kelly53 in reply to GeorgiePea31]

I just get more and more depressed everyday and I just feel like I'm not worth it because I can't be like everyone else...

[GeorgiePea31 in reply to Kelly53]

You're not alone my dear, we're all in the same boat, have a look at this theguardian.com/society/201...

[sharon1980]

bless you I have been with my other half (scott)12 years and we have a child together .

sometimes scott will come in from work an be like aaaggghhh ffs as the house is still full of dishes , no hovering done (we have 2 dogs) he gets really annoyed .

He doesn't mean to but I guess you know sometimes we have to consider it does effect them too and although he gets naggy from time to time I feel its more because he hates seeing me this way and he is helpless.

He is possibly just worried and a little frustrated x

[ajue363]

Hi Kelly,

This is so hard because a relationship is so personal, but I think most women struggling with this often experience this with their significant others!

Perhaps he is struggling himself to understand your pain, I know that men always want to solve the issue, and maybe the fact that he can't is really frustrating for him!

Unfortunately, endometriosis never just effects the one person, that's whats so unfair about it But if he's frustrated maybe try to see things from his point of view, and if that doesn't change, then you definitely deserve someone that will look after you!!

Wishing you all the best with your relationship

xxx