Freaking out..please help me calm myself down

Hi all, hope everyone is doing as well as can be hoped. I recently had my annual checkup and a few things showed up that were not normal. They detected trace of blood in my urine, high TSH, elevated levels of alkaline phosphatase and "unsatisfactory" pap results. Now being the lunatic I am, I am completely freaking myself out. And of course, I had to google my results (obviously) and find out all the worst-case scenarios to entertain myself with. They asked me to repeat the urine test immediately and the remaining tests after 3 months. But I cannot do the urine test right now because I have recently started a new bcp and I have been spotting off and on since then (which is a common side effect according to my gyno). I can only do the test once the spotting stops, and I have no idea when that'll be. So the long and short is that I am a complete mess now.

The rational part of my brain knows that all of these could have relatively harmless causes. I know that unsatisfactory pap could simply mean that the sample was not good enough. But being rational has never been my strong point. To add to it all, I have had very bad news about my cousin who is suffering from cancer. I am very close to him, he is almost like a brother to me. So all in all I am in a very bad place and imagining all kinds of things and driving myself crazy. I cannot discuss my fears with my family because everybody is quite stressed out as it is and I don't want to be selfish by trying to draw attention to me.

Just to give a bit of history - I have endometriosis and severe pain 3 weeks a month. I have already undergone laporoscopies, cyst aspirations, have been on Lupron, two failed IVF cycles and a zillion other things. I worry that all this messing around with my body has rendered something wrong inside. Please can somebody help calm me down a bit and give me some perspective before I start digging my own grave in my backyard? I hate feeling like this :(

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  • You poor thing. I've been there myself with worrying/inconclusive test results and it's so stressful. Only made so much worse when you're already so worried about your cousin.

    I can't give you any answers but what I would suggest is going back to your dr and explain how all this is making you feel. The psychological effects of this situation is just as important as the physical side. Any dr worth their weight will understand this and will help you through this waiting game. Speak to them about how concerned you are plus the situation with your cousin. Hopefully they can reassure you and support you through this time until you receive conclusive results. Is there a friend you could also speak to about it all? 3 months is a long time to wait when you're already dealing with so much regarding your cousin. It's easy for me to say but do try and focus on the fact many tests come back inconclusive and everything turns out to be fine. I've had situations where I've worried myself sick and then finally received all clear results. If only you could know at the time and save yourself that grief!

    The only thing I can say is I've had numerous urine tests over the years where blood has been present. It terrified me the first couple of times but finally a gynaecologist told me it can be quite common with Endo and is also seen in ballet dancers (her example) and women who are pretty active.

    Take care, speak to your dr again and do speak to a friend or folks on here for support xx

  • Thank you very much Poppy75, your words have helped me calm down a bit. I do have friends with whom I can speak but all of them tell me not to stress myself out, which is obviously easier said than done. I like your advice about speaking to my doctor again. I did try to do it earlier but she was not very responsive and I dropped it. Maybe if I explain my situation to her, she will be more sympathetic. I too read that blood in urine is common among women who are physically active but I am not active at all due to my endo. But I did not know that endo itself could cause it, it's the gift that just keeps giving isn't it? Once again, thanks so much for taking the time to help me, you are a good soul :)

  • It really is ;) Yes, at first many Drs told me it was only common in women who were very physically active and I was sat there thinking I'm a coach potato due to chronic pain. Finally a gynaecologist mentioned Endo too. Obviously it can be a sign of something worrying but I've since read posts by many women with Endo experiencing it so it doesn't concern me too much anymore. Get the tests done when it's possible and in the meantime if you're feeling physically ok do try to think nothing has changed - you've just unfortunately been hit with inconclusive results. I know it's easier said than done but try to do nice things to distract yourself.

    Yes, do have another chat with the dr. If you don't feel she's very supportive after you've explained what else you have going on on top of your health worries do see another GP at the surgery. I think we often feel we shouldn't bother Drs with the psychological side of these things but any decent dr would want to know.

    Take care xx

  • You are right, thinking that nothing has changed is probably the key. Which I guess is technically true, it's just that my brain has a hard time accepting it :) But I will try. Thank you very much once again for the support and I hope you are as well as you can be.

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