On the few months coming up to my 30th birthday, I have gone through a phase where I believed that my life will end at 30. Things weren't going as planned - 5 years of trying for a baby = no luck, going to the gym most days of the week = still getting ill too often as I think I deserve, and being a resident of the UK with savings = still can't afford a house. To make things worse, I had no immediate family in the UK, I recently moved to a new town, and changed job in the past year.
I thought I was coping well with all the changes going on in my life. Then I hit a wall when I finally accpeted that all I was doing was pretending to be ok about all the changes. Back in May, I started taking antidepressants, went to the GP to find out why I was getting ill too often and saw a gynaecologist to sort out the infertility problem.
I already knew I had endometriosis. Back in 2011, I had a surgery to remove a cyst on my left ovary. I was told I had a few spots in there and would possibly have them again in the future. Unfortunately, the scans and exams I recently had done show that the future is now.
On my birthday, I sat in the gynaecologist's office. I was thinking it was just a routine appointment that will last 5 minutes. 10 minutes if I'm lucky. I ended up staying 3 hours in the hospital, in preparation for my admission in November/December. On the same day, I had to see the endometriosis nurse to discuss with me the need to have a few Zoladex injections before my surgery, and I had to be sent to pre-operative assessment to fill out a few forms before my admission.
My partner had plans for a special dinner out for my birthday. I ended up coming home at 7 pm, crying into his arms and feeling like I'm a 30 year old girl trapped in a body that feels like 70 years old.
As depressing as all of that sounds, I've had progress since. The meds I am on and the counselling sessions are both helping me cope a bit better. I've had my first injection of Zoladex 3 days ago and have started feeling tearful and getting a few dizzy spells and migraines since yesterday. I just hope it's not a side effect that I have to deal with until I stop having Zoladex and will just cease soon.
Taking away a quote one of my patients told me recently as he was recovering in the post-anaesthetic room with me after waiting 18 months for his surgery, "today is the first day on the road to recovery!"
It's tough being a woman, but I'm sure I'm not alone in this battle.
Sending out love to all xxx