So since early 2015 I've had these pains in my pelvic area and pain during sex, after a year of being placed on ridiculous amounts of drugs (Doctors way of fobbing you off when they don't know whats wrong), being told "Its all in your head" and being placed on many waiting lists I finally managed to get a laparoscopy beginning of April which confirmed I had a lot of mild endo. It was a relief to be diagnosed as I was believed and there was a reason for my pain, however I think you'd all agree that being told you have endo isn't exactly the greatest thing.
After the operation I lost some pain but where it was worse in the first place (left ovary area) it still remains. I don't take pills as the side effects made me sick and depressed and honestly don't remove any pain. As treatment (which there is none) I've been told to overlap the contraceptive pill for 6 months so I have 1 period a month, though I've already had a period despite overlapping.
I'm worried that my life will be a cycle of pain, operation, healing pain, endo pain, operation etc etc. I'm 21 (as of 2016) yet I don't feel it. I feel broken, old, and scared if I'm honest. I'm in a relationship (3 years) and this has been so difficult for it because my libido has obviously dropped but also I get pain with sex, not every time, and each time it may be more or less intense, but that is scary and being scared to have sex with your partner as a 21 year old...all my friends laugh and joke around about sex and all that are are so casual about it and I used to be the same but now talking about it makes me want to cry, and not all my friends know about my endo which makes it worse.
So I've lost the ability to have enjoyable sex it seems, which makes both me and my partner feel crap and if our relationship doesn't work out how on earth am I supposed to have a relationship with someone else with this? So relationships are going to be difficult my entire life.I feel so guilty about being with my partner as he could be with anyone else my age who isn't broken and he wouldn't have to worry. He's 21 years old and stuck in a sexless relationship, I have nothing to offer him and I know it and that thought pains me every day.
Then theres the fertility problems...I want children someday, but I'm so scared I won't be able to. And having children requires me to be able to be with someone who can deal with my pain and understand.
I'm young, my life is about to begin properly and endo is ruining it, I feel so broken, so inadequate, and outcast from my age group because I can't be that fun 21 year old any more because I'm not, I'm in pain, hurting, 24/7 which means I cant ignore it and theres the mental side of it where I feel so completely isolated and alone. I can't talk to any of my friends about it because they simply don't understand what it feels like and simply pity me instead.
I'm finding this so difficult and am trying to be positive and just get on with it ya know, because I refuse to let it ruin everything but its so difficult, and I can't forget about it or ignore it because the pain is always there and is a constant reminder.
I just want to know what to do with this so young knowing I'll have it for the rest of my life, knowing I'll have god knows how many operations, that my fertility might be compromised and that I may never be able to have a sexually enjoyable relationship, or even just a normal relationship without feeling like a broken person ever again. What can I do?