Anyone else out there struggling with being single at 40 and stuck with Endo? How will I ever meet someone who will accept me with this?

Hi lovely ladies. I've noticed that a lot of women on this site are lucky enough to have a partner to help them through this and more importantly stick by their side throughout the tears, pain and horrible moods (especially if on injections)

I was diagnosed this year with endo. I'm 40 and single at the moment. No kids. I feel like my life has come undone in the last year due to the complications from endo and the side effects from medication. I wouldn't wish myself on anyone during my zoladex treatment, and have lost my sex drive too. I had to move in with my parents! because previous to this I was living by myself but needed someone to nurse me after my lap op etc. I'm feeling really low because I used to be fit, active, feel attractive, interested in men/sex, independent. Now I'm always feeling low and uncomfortable and unstable. And I really don't want to be single forever but I can't see how on earth I can get out there dating when I feel like absolute rubbish.

Sorry for the rant.

I just wonder if there are any other ladies out there who are single, lonely and feel a bit hopeless and undateable when stuck with endo problems and medications :(

7 Replies

  • Hi Hunni I felt exactly like you do now 2 years ago after my marriage ended mainly because of the way my husband treated me when I was ill. My confidence hit rock bottom after a lap and the injections and felt so low. 2 years on and some weeks I still struggle. Nearly 40 still in pain with yet another operation looming in the new year, no kids and trying to manage 40+ hours a week job is really hard. I took time to be on my own for a year to rebuild my confidence and accept that I had a chronic illness but it didn't totally define me and actually I deserve to be with someone and be happy. Not easy, take one day at a time and surround yourself with friends and family. On days where I struggle but manage to go to work I think blimey - you're amazing and praise myself. Days where I can't manage things I think blimey - you're amazing but can't be superwoman all the time! You have to be kind to yourself. I joined and once I felt ready to meet someone I was up front at the start. Why hide it. And do you know what he is absolutely amazing. But if he hadn't wanted to be involved with me then fair enough. I had to think that if I met someone who had similar health issues would it put me off? Honestly - of course it would make me think again but if I really liked him I'd be there and look at ways we managed our relationship. Let's not underestimate ourselves and the fact that there are some wonderful men out there. Talk to some friends about how you feel. Get support. Recognise how blooming amazing you are and all the fabulous things you've got to offer. Xxx

  • During my endo adhesion journey many years ago my eight year relationship ended due to my partner at the time taking off into the sunset with a younger female (sound familiar!). He went on to have children with her which as I had lost my tubes to endo and adhesions would have been more painful had I been maternal, which thankfully I was not! At the risk of sounding bitter and twisted I have long decided that after two violent relationships and the fact I am living with daily chronic pain and some embarrassing symptoms involving my bowel and bladder and am mid fifties. I am now very happy living alone with my rescue stray cat who is always there for me whatever I look like and however I am feeling. I personally find that dealing with this condition and being menopausal, does not exactly put me in the mood for love, so I have learned happiness is has four paws and never looked back!

  • Hi Cooka, I know exactly how you feel. I am 41, single and childless. Been battling with stage 4 endo, cfs/me and ibs since 1996. My partner and I split up in 1996 and I haven't found anybody since. It is a tough time, and I'm sorry I can't give you a more positive answer. One thing I will say is that I have begun to realise that life isn't all about having a partner and children - whilst this may seem harsh (and believe me I would jump at the chance to have a partner and children) you have to live life for you and make each day special for you in some way. You are beautiful, wonderful and amazing xx

  • Thank you lovely ladies for your kind words. I helps to know that I'm not alone in my situation - which feels pretty helpless sometimes. (Especially since I had to move in with my parents because I needed someone to support me through this challenging low time). Sometimes the thought of having to "start all over again" and find a new place to rent etc seems all too exhausting. And worst of it all is that I do not want to live alone. At this stage there is not much of an option B at my age (40) because friends are all married. Oh well!

    Again thank you for your kind encouragement :) xx

  • this also happened to me once I got my head straight the rest just fell into place. I have now been in my new home for 3 months and love it my partner lives 300 miles away but he comes up every weekend without fail we've been so lucky to spend the last 2 weeks together celebrating our first xmas. considering in april this year I didn't feel any reason to live anymore you have to believe me when I say the key to everything is in yourself. you control your own happiness and destiny. I have every faith you will arrive at a place you never imagined possible soon enough . just keep positive thinking xxx

  • I'm 36, divorced and childless. Ive have stage 4 endometriosis for over 20 years and I struggle on my own. There are many of us out there so don't be depressed. I know how it feels as I still take antidepressants and all kinds of pain killing cocktails to keep me sane. I also wonder who can accept me with all my issues, but I try to be optimistic. Most times i fail, but i keep trying. It is well my dear. Keep on pressing on.

  • Hi,

    Similar situation with me my long term partner of 5 years already had 3 children but had none. we knew there was something wrong but when it was confirmed I had stage 4 endo it swiftly became apparent that this partner was not supportive and didn't really feel the condition effected US and not Just ME. the relationship ended and I went through and extremely dark time, whilst having hormone therapy which just magnified it. some days I felt suicidal why would anyone want me? I cant provide children I cant to the sole thing women were put on this earth for. my friends seen me in dismay and decided we'd have a weekend away it gave me some focus and something to look forward too on my dark days I kept that focus. when the trip finally come around I had started to feel a bit better. letting my self go ans my troubles behind me. it was on this trip I met a fantastic man who when I told him my troubles his first response was 'we'll sort something out' I never imagined this would ever happen. he is amazing and 6 months one he has seen me at my best and worst. I am up on the couch to day with really bad pain he is making my breakfast and fussing about me being a truly amazing supportive partner. DONT GIVE UP HOPE, there is always someone there for you when you least expect it sending you lots of love and positive vibes xxxx

You may also like...