Help! :(

Hey um so I'm 21 and live in Aus.. I was diagnosed with Endo at the end of last year and have had surgery to burn it off..

My issue now is that I can't have sex without pain. It only usually happens at the beginning (as he goes in).. I'm scared all the time and fell so useless because I can't give my boyfriend sex.. We do other stuff but I want to be able to use me...

I'm also worried that because of this he will leave me.. I don't think he would cheat on me, i think he will just have enough and leave.

I don't know if this pain is endo or if it is something else..

Any advice would be great!! Thanks all.

11 Replies

  • Hello Emily :) Dyspareunia, painful sex, is a side effect of endo so I would say its that. I had the same fears with my partner but he reassured me, you need to tell him your fears so he can put your mind at ease. And you don't want to hear this, but if he does leave then he's not worth it really is he?

    With the pain, your endo could be back in that place again, if you have pain at other times, maybe go back to see your doctor and see what they can do to relieve the pain during sex. Also, have you different positions to see if it hurts less? All the best, hope I helped! Xx

  • Hey, thank you! I've told him how I feel and he has reassured me that he wont but I still have that fear. I agree with you there.

    I don't have pain other then my usual cramps but this happens as we start and I don't know what it could be. I have researched it and found a few things, they say it's a mental issue, that my mind is doing it but I feel as though it's more then that..

    We have tried different positions but it still hurts.

    Thank you for replying to me, you have helped :) xx

  • Hi i did have this problem at the start of sex and found it was because of dryness at the start. Not sure if this applies to you as well. Take care

  • Hi there, painful sex was my only symptom, deep in my pelvis , this was the cause for my lap I had my endo removed six months ago but the pain is still there, I think that pain upon penetration isn't so much endo related but either psychologically related i.e expecting it to be painful or other underlying issues, or other issues perhaps dryness ect , do you have pain just with penetration or also while actually having sex and where is you pain located also these can depend on the root cause of your pain x

  • Hey, I had a lap done about 4 months ago and they removed the endo, mind you I've had really bad cramping ever since and I'm now on the zoladex implant. Now the pain I have is at the beginning (as he goes in) and stays until he is done (if I can make it through the pain). Most times I end up in tears and he stops straight away, other times it hurts at the start but then it goes away.. I've been told its a mind thing nbut I feel like it is something more then that. I've been to a sex therapist but I feel like she hasn't done much to help. The small things she said to do eg. candles, nice music, touching and things like that, have helped maybe once or twice and although I relax myself it does nothing..

    I can't explain the pain unless i'm feeling it (if that makes sense). Off the top of my head it feels like sharp stabbing pains, feels like he is hitting my uterus. Other times, such as last night, I get a really bad burning feeling.

    It's both really, at the start and during it..

    Thank you for replying x

  • I know exactly what you mean regarding pain I don't have pain upon penetration just during sex and it feels the same way horrible stabbing and pushing my insides . I know it sounds silly but have you tried lube , I haven't had zoladex myself but i have seen a few posts with women having dryness on it , I find also that different positions increase or decrease pain dramatically , I've heard the mirena can also work wonders for some women with painful sex , I've also hear acupuncture is good which I am booked in to try , unfortunately with endo there's no one fits all and so many treatments work so differently for all of us , perhaps you could talk to your gyne as zoladex may not be for you? X

  • Hey, yes we use lube but it doesn't do anything. We are to the point of being completely covered in it and still nothing. I've tried different positions but they don't do anything either. I'm lucky to have 1 or 2 nights without pain but then I burn instead.. I see my normal dr next week so I'll be asking him (again) but I won't see my specialist for another 2-3 months x

  • I wasn't due to see my specialist until November but have been having pain again so I am due to have an ultrasound and my doctor has said that i will be seen sooner , perhaps they could move your appointment to as you are having issues and need to change your treatment maybe . It's so awkward with Endo and painful sex they never seem to be able to do much it's all just trial and error , I really hope you find a solution soon, in the meantime don't give up Goodluck x

  • Unfortunately I have to wait that long as it's when I get my last zoladex implant. It's really hard as I can't have the usual test (swab, Pap smear) due to pain. The specialist doesn't know what's wrong..

    Thank you! X

  • Hi Emily_m, I've been suffering from this symptom (along with others) for over 5 years. I don't just have pain with penetration though, the next day my stomach swells up and is agony. It's definitely hard and makes you feel useless and unwomanly (if that's a word !) I've been with my partner for 6 and a half years and we just talk through it. I say if something hurts, and we stop. I have to say it's a bit of a passion killer, I don't think anyone wants to hear they are hurting the person during this moment,

    But I've not found anything else that can help it really. I don't know if there is and would be also interested if anyone knows, as however much I try to convince myself sex isn't's a bloody good bit when it's pain free!

    I know this probably isn't much of a solution, but just so you know your not alone :-). X

  • You poor thing! I don't usually get pain the day after, I just have endo cramps. I feel like crap all the time knowing that I can't make my partner happy. He's a good one though, if I look like I'm in pain he stops.. I usually push through it to please him but then he feels horrible for putting me through pain. I always end up crying over it and he doesn't understand why. When I explain he just tells me to get over it.. The problem with that is he doesn't understand, no one does unless it's happening to them...

    Although it's not a good thing, I'm glad I'm not the only one, thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts :) xx

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