Feeling spaced and fed up....

[Beth1986]

Hello ladies,

I hope you are having a pain free day.

I don't think anyone can help me with this but I had to get this out to people in the know.

I am really struggling at the moment with the amount of drugs I have been prescribed. I speak to my GP about the side effects often and he hasn't offered me any alternatives for the pain...but to be honest I still have the pain despite having handfuls of painkillers every day.

Daily I take 30mg Citalopram, 60mg Morphine slow release, 2-3 doses of 500mg co-codamol (depending how bad it is) 150mg Pregabalin, my contraceptive pill and also Zoladex once a month.

I am currently sat at my desk attempting to get a little focus of my screen. I spend every day in some drugged up daze which isn't getting any easier. I still have 3 weeks before my appointment with the consultant to discuss my MRI results. I feel rubbish all the time, I'm shattered, in pain, losing friends by the minute as apparently now I am boring and to top it all I can barely see the hand in front of my face.

I hate endo...I really hate it.

Beth

[Alouette]

Hi Beth,

So sorry you are having such a rubbish time, I have recently been upgraded to oramorph so I know exactly what you mean about being in such a daze! I have not idea how you are working on all of that and with your pain so bad, I commend you for that!

Something I have fallen in love with is my tens machine, it releases vibrations to the nerves where you place the patches which should be where your worst pain is, they don't stop my pain but they certainly dull it down some, and it takes your mind off the pain a little, might help to tone down on the pain meds. I have also heard acupuncture can help, which some GP's refer for depending where you are, may be worth asking.

Endo can be a very lonely illness, I've been stuck in the house for 3 months now, and you certainly learn who your real friends are, but the ones that don't stick around are not worth while, but the ones that do, they are very special people.

Hope things get better for you very soon,

A x

[Beth1986 in reply to Alouette]

Hi Alouette,

Thanks for your reply, it is so good to hear I am not alone!! I think that's the one thing I haven't been given but I am pretty sure the whole morphine family are much the same.

I think I will try the tens machine again. I tried it once on a really bad day and because the pain seemed to be everywhere I spent most of my time fannying around with getting them in the right place and it wasn't working at all! But I have heard lots of good things so perhaps I just need to be a bit patient.

God it is so isolating. People just don't get it. In fact I have found that the people I have had in my life the longest are the ones who have walked away. It is hard and I do find myself putting the blame on me but I know that if they were true friends they wouldn't care if all I can manage at the moment is hugging a hot water bottle!

Thanks for your kind words,

Take care of yourself,

Beth

[Alouette in reply to Beth1986]

Hi Beth,

No problem, the days are up and down, yesterday was okay, today I'm really low, in that stage where I am pushing my partner away because I'm so broken, why should he have to deal with it too! So I totally understand where you say you put the blame on yourself, it's so hard not to, but we all need to believe as much as we can that this is not our fault, it's not okay or fair, but it's definitely not our fault.

I've been lucky with a few friends, but since leaving work I have heard nothing from quite a few people that I was very close to, my daily life is stuck in my house at the mo, and whilst I love my house, I am going stir crazy more than I knew was possible!! As hard as it is at least you can know not to waste any more of your precious time with those people that aren't worth it.

I'm often wandering around with my electric tummy heater, it's heaven! I totally do not care who see's me in it - thriving in the old before time feeling!

You take care too,

Ally x