Hi my partner walked out a week ago due to my lack of affection not sleeping in the same bed and lack of sex and intimacy due to my endo. He's not replied to any of my texts and won't talk to me. We have been together for 9 years and 4 years ago I found out I had endo. Lately I've been distancing myself due to the pressure for sex. I've explained to him that it's not him it's me and that the pain scares me. We tried cuddles but he seemed to get turned on by even that and then I felt pressured. I really thought he understood and for a long time he's been nothing but supportive but I guess after a while that must get to a person and he's had enough. I just wish he would speak to me so we can talk it through. If he had told me his true feelings we might not be in this situation right now.
My partner left due to endo : Hi my partner... - Endometriosis UK
My partner left due to endo
Hi Sarah
Sorry you're going through this.
You already have enough to contend with in terms of Endo without your partner being inconsiderate and making things worse.
I'm also wondering whether the current Coronavirus situation has contributed to your partner's behaviour.
At the moment, with social distancing disrupting life generally, our lives are already so different, more pressured in many ways, either through changes in working, finances, living arrangements and leisure, that people can be responding in all sorts of ways we might not expect.
I don't know about your own situation, in terms of whether you're at home more and your partner had also been at home more, or was looking for more sex as a distraction or outlet for frustration or boredom.
We're all having to cut each other more slack than usual, and be more tolerant of each other...and it could be that increased anxiety and stress is magnifying this one issue in your relationship, either for better, or not.
What I mean is that if he's persistently being inconsiderate of you then is this a relationship you really want to be in?
Did he ever go to any of your Endo appointments with you? Or educate himself about Endo and how it affects you?
Perhaps some time apart will be helpful to you to help you connect with what you feel and what you want. The same goes for him.
Thankyou for replying. I have been very distant for the last couple of months but maybe the situation at the mo isn't helping. I just seem to hurt everywhere all day everyday and so when he wants hugs or kisses I've been quick to just push him away. I understand if he needs space but a message just to say that would be nice. He knows about endo I have shown him videos but I don't think he understands the impact it has on a lot of people's relationships and that it's not just me. I think he might be taking everything personal and thinks that I don't love him or want him here
Sorry you’re going through such a hard time, especially in these circumstances.
Is there any treatment you haven’t tried or are you having to wait for the virus to dissipate?
So far all they offered me is the mini pill. I'm waiting for a laparoscopy and endo removal and coil fitting too. But with the situation at the mo that won't be for a long time
Four years is a long time for an op to treat, was the pill working up until now?
Yeah till about the last year that's when our relationship issues started I just don't think he can take much more x
Can you talk to your GP about it, see if they can suggest anything else in the meantime? The impact it’s having there should be some allowance.
If you still want to contact your boyfriend to see if he will talk, what about a letter rather than text.
Trouble is these days people expect medical things to be happening all the time and the person seen to be active in this. Unfortunately with this condition it doesn’t seem to happen and it’s making the medical world understand how debilitating it is.
Maybe if you can arrange an appointment, even if it’s telephone, your boyfriend could be there and involved.
Sorry if they are not viable thoughts and hope I’m not making it worse.
Yeah that could be a good idea. At the moment the best thing for me to do is leave him to have his space and hopefully he will eventually reach out to me once he's cleared his head.
Thankyou for your reply and I will def get an app for gp xx
Hope it all works out for you, take care 😊
Hiya lovely sorry things haven’t worked out relationships can be a roller coaster with endo especially when it comes to intimacy I’ve been in your shoes the pushing away when everything hurts from your pelvis to your bum a simple hug,just being laid on having sex I took an approach of accepting pain for a while but then went on to using natural lubricants to changing sex positions and changing my diet to decrease pain which has helped me considerably though it’s not perfect.i think the best thing would be to talk through your feelings sleeping in seperate beds can’t be helping your relationship that appears to me that he’s not accepting boundaries which we are all allowed.if we aren’t in the mood boundaries shouldn’t be pushed but I can’t say I’ve not been there I have it’s took me a hell of a lot of talking because sometimes we have to repeat our feelings as you may know if doctors don’t listen then sometimes we even need to push those close to us even my kids think I exaggerate sometimes they are at infant school so I don’t blame them they just don’t understand I hope you can pull through
Thankyou for the reply. I wish he would talk to me but for the past week he's ignored all my texts and calls. His brother is coming to get some of his stuff later as he didn't take anything with him. I know he's prob hot stuff to deal with but a simple text of I need some space or I'm not coming back ever and it's over would be nice.
Maybe I shouldn't of been so offish and pushed him away but he's always said it was OK and he understood.
X
so sorry you are going through this emotional turmoil we are here to chat x
Thankyou x
I'm sorry he's not being understanding. It's tough to go through all this. Maybe you could get someone else like his brother to talk to him if he won't answer your calls and texts.
I have spoken to his brother when he came to collect my partners stuff and he was very understanding but he also said that at the mo he doesn't think my partner is ready to listen or talk to anybody. I'm cutting contact completely for the Forseable future with him he's made it perfectly clear by ignoring me for the last 7 days that he's not interested. Hopefully the lack of contact will spark something in him x
Yeah hopefully it goes well for you x
Thankyou hun I can't see it personally but I guess one way or the other I need to move on for my own sake xx
It's no problem. And that's true, if he's not going to be understanding then moving on is best x
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Having a life changing illness is so so difficult and its support you need. I think cutting all ties for now is something you need to do. He knows where you are and its very immature of him not to send you a short message. By right he should be taking to you, you deserve that. Always here if you ever need a chat. Take care and stay safe 🐥🐣🐥...xox
Thankyou x
I’m so sorry Sarah.
You do not deserve this.
You are loveable and amazing and incredibly strong.
My fiancée left me for the same reason and same issues. Couldn’t accept my endo didn’t want to support me. I was devastated - and humiliated - but I let myself grieve and heal and reminded myself that being single is so much better than being in a relationship where you are not loved, liked and respected.
DM me anytime - but please know that you are special and deserve a wonderful guy and your ex is Not that.
I’m sorry Sarah 
I agree with Ollie. Try to picture what you would do for your partner if the roles were switched. Maybe you’ll get to speak and either make up or get closure at some point. If he leaves, maybe someone meant for you is coming.
As far as your health, I felt very similar until I had excision surgery and changed my lifestyle completely to a holistic one with the low FODMAP, anti-inflammatory, and AIP diets, massage, breathings, and movement when I was in less pain. Herbs really helped. Maybe look into NAC. Hope you feel better soon. Everything will work out!
Hi sarah,
This is absolutely awful,
Maybe after all these years he just wasn't worth you pain, try to find support without him, you never know if you are not under pressure to have sex etc tou might be happier xxx
Hi Sarah,
I am sorry to hear about this happening in your life. A few years back I have gone through the same thing, my husband walked out on me for exactly the same reasons. One of the things that really helped me was to put everything in writting the old fashion way with a long letter. Writte yourself a letter and him everyday for a while so you can process it. He can decide to read it over and over again or keep it there and read it whenever he is ready. (My ex husband told me this helped him a lot as you cannot end up in an argument in a letter contrary to phonecalls or txt) Tell him you are in a journey to get to know yourself better so you can be 100% for yourself and him. I suspect you have recently been diagnosed with endo? It took me over 2 yrs to accept and get to a stage that I know my endo and I can distingiush when is me talking or when endo has taken over my boddy & mind because it does that. It will not make sense to you now but you are the priority not your relationship. Start everyday with this though and when you heal that relationship or any other will fall in place. Hugs hugs and more hugs!
Hi I was diagnosed 4 years ago. This is the second time he's left since then the last time he was gone for 2 months but we sorted it out and I thought he now understood and was supporting me. The way he is at the mo of I write him a letter he's likely to throw it in the bin. He's one of those men that can't handle conflict or stress at all and will just hide from me and ignore me for hod knows how long.
Yesterday I sent clothes to his mums where he's staying because I can't do this again it's mental torture. My son who is autistic also doesn't need the stress.
For now I'm gonna leave him be and try to move on. I can't see how if you love someone you could treat them like this its cruel and unfair I could never do that to someone.
Thankyou for your reply it has helped me a lot to read all these comments and any advice is always welcomed x
The letters are for YOU to get things off your chest. If you send them to him it's his decision whether or not to read them. It's great therapy to get the thought and feelings down on paper, even if all you do with them afterwards is burn them.
Ahhh yeah good idea thanks hun xx
I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. I completely understand how you feel because my boyfriend also just broke up with me unexpectedly. He says that it has nothing to do with my pain during sex but I feel like it does. It’s a different sort of feeling I swear. It’s nothing you can control which is the worst part about it. He was being so understanding about it all and I even told my gyn that I didn’t feel like it was having much of an effect on my relationship. She told me that if I did get to that point she would do the laparoscopy on me (I’m only 20 which is why she’s hesitant, but I have all the symptoms and the genetic factor). Needless to say first thing I’m doing once this stuff clears up is requesting surgery. It’s time for me to work on me. I really hope for the best for you. Your post made me feel less alone in all of this. Thank you.
Ahh bless you hun and so young too. If ever you need a chat you can private message me seeing as we are in the same boat could help each other x
Hi Sarah how are you feeling today ?x
It hurts as I sent his stuff to his mums and still havnt heard a thing but I can't do this with him right now its cruel. Got to find a way to move on for mine and the kids sakes. Thanks for checking in on me x
Yes your right just wait for him to get in touch surely he will be in touch due to the children he can’t just escape from their lives like that .try and take care of yourself focus on your children ,face masks and bubble baths if you can I always find self care gives me some kind of control x
The thing is even though he's been in their lives for 9 years they are not his kids so I don't think it will bother him hun x
Oh no !thats awful surely he must be bothered or no ?that’s heartbreaking for the children when they have been in their lives so long surely he was some kind of father figure.if me and my partner would split up today I wouldn’t think he would do that as I have children with an ex too.maybe just give him time surely he must think of their feelings .if not it probably is for the best you need someone who would support you in all your circumstances Even if the relationship ends surley he could be some kind of friend to your children 9 years is a very long time to just drop out of a child’s life and it would do more harm than good x
I thought he looked on them as his own he always said that. But somehow I think he will just drop us all. My son is autistic too and even though he's high functioning he finds all this tough. My partner knows that too. I think at the mo he's stuck in a selfish bubble and it's a novelty to be away from us maybe a kind of release of all the stresses me and my son included. I don't know but whatever he's feeling he needs to consider how we feel too xx
I’m sure he will come to his senses and try work something out with you even if you do separate that would be the right thing to do x
Maybe he's done this sort of thing before when things are not going great and usually makes contact with apologies and that but I'm not sure if I can go through all that again. The last time he was gone for 2 months. Has to be a point when enough is enough for both of us. X
Oo that’s not nice!your right it’s almost childlike I would have to say if he left for months on end again I’d be inclined to call it a day you can’t go on in a relationship like that every time things get rough .I mean there’s been times when my partner has said I will go and stay at a friends house if things got a bit tricky and I always said even if you left for one night that would be it I would not allow you to do what you want cause things get tough things have to be resolved together running away won’t do anything but make it worse and hurt me more.fair enough sleeping on the sofa but not leaving the house.interrupting the children’s routine aswell as they are used to seeing him it’s unfair
Good woman yourself. You are much stronger than you think... Thats awful he hasn't even contacted you abot your children!! You can do this on your own. This guy doesn't deserve a wonderful woman like you. Go girl you wont regret it. I done with 4 children and it was the best thing I ever done. Stayin a relationship with someone so selfish is wasting your time, emotons etc 🙏👏🏼👏🏼🙏
Hello Sarah
I am so sorry you are going through this. It really is hard for men, or anyone who doesn't deal with Endo, to really understand what it's like. I have been in the same situation with my partner for years now, and even though he tries, he doesn't fully get that I am in constant pain, and can't always be present the way he wants me to, or even the way I want to be.
I don't know what is going to happen in your relationship, but I do urge that you keep being strong and keep taking care of yourself.
I am here if you need to talk.
Take care.
Thankyou so much. I'm going to try and leave him to whatever self pity he is in at the mo. Hopefully when he's out of that he might sit and think or have a talk with me if not I know where I stand and that 9 years of what I thought was a loving relationship quite clearly was a lie xx
I can't even imagine what it must feel like, I think I would be just as confused and hurt.
Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, and when these thoughts of doubt come, allow them to go away just as easily. Being mindful has helped me deal with disappointments, and may be useful to you as well.
We're all trying to make peace to what is happening to us, and how it affects our lives.
And we're all in that struggle, so I hope we can all get there soon.
Me too hun. I'm trying to concentrate on me and the kids it's just hurtful that he can't even give me a justified reason xx
Maybe it's simply because there is no justified reason. He may just not be as strong as you are in handling everything that is happening. And often we look for a complex explanation when it is just that simple, which doesn't make it less painful.
All the answers you need are within you, and once you catch a breath, I believe you'll be able to let him go, and focus on yourself and your kids.
Hello Sarah,
I'm so sorry to hear this, and I'm sorry that you are sad. There are plenty of good couples counsellors who might be able to help you to both be happy.
However, it is very wrong to push someone for sex when they know that it will cause them pain and when they know that sex is unwanted.
There are also plenty of men and women who would, I think, have more empathy than your partner has displayed.
I hope you can figure this out soon and get some help for the pain
Thankyou hun. I just feel like it's my fault at the moment and maybe I should of dealt with things a bit differently but I feel better than I dud a few days ago so I know time will heal the pain. As for the endo I'm on the waiting list for a lap, endo ablation and coil fitting.
If I thought for a min he would go councilling I would mention it but he won't he's not a talker and doesn't share his feelings not even with me xx
I worry that you think it's your fault. Obviously I don't know your partner, so it's hard to comment, but big red flags are waving. You absolutely will find someone magnificent and worthy of you 
(any partner who doesn't talk can't be a good partner). I hope you get on well with all your procedures x
I do worry it's my fault absolutely and it's really getting me down. It's been 16 days now and still no contact from him. His family won't talk to him and he's allowed to stay at his mums doing what he wants. I don't get how someone can walk away after 9 years and just shut themselves off like that 😭
This is the second time he’s walked out on you? I think that you don’t need him in your life. You and your kids are the most important things. You’ll move on, it’ll take time. A man who loves you will stand by you, and that’s what you deserve, not someone who doesn’t know what he wants. Especially when he’s in your kids’ lives.
Stay strong; it’s hard enough dealing with our illness. You don’t need him making you feel worse.
My situation is different from yours, but we are all ‘endo sisters’. If you ever need to chat, feel free to message me.
Nisha
Thankyou xx
Hello lovely, I’m sorry that you’re going through this especially with COVID added on top.
I couldn’t imagine dealing with my symptoms and having to deal with relationship issues on top and I feel blessed that my partner is understanding. I have learnt from the times when I felt my partner was distancing himself from me that I have to put myself first and try to find solutions to my pain so that I could not only deal with that but with my relationship.
Maybe take this time to read about the anti inflammatory diet, castor oil packs for immunity , meditation for lowering stress as this affects our condition. Take this time to look after your health so it doesn’t stop you from other things.
Take care of yourself.
Stay well
Thankyou hun I will look into it xx
That's shit , what a total tool. I'm sorry for being blunt but its true! I am the same as you, and my hubby would never do that, and I dont mean to sound a twat but arent we all meant to be isolating atm so he shouldnt have left anyway!!!!
Chin up sweetie if hes not going to support you when you need him the most you are better without him!!!
Thanks hun I'm sure I will feel better as the days go on I'm just angry at the mo especially not having any closure he's done this really cowardly x
I'm totally with you on that ,you should be bloody angry. Like cant believe someone would do this to the person they love, especially right now when we are all scared about Mr Corona! You really do deserve some one far far better !! In a few weeks you will realise you are so much better off without the idiot! Keep smiling and keep safe, lots of love xxxxx
Thankyou hunni xx
Im sorry its awful. I was with my partner/husband for 16yrs the last 5 were rubbish wen my endo took grip (ive only had real diagnosis last year 4years after he walked) he eventually gave up on me n told everyone i wouldn't have sex. Hed already made a new life with someone problem free. He started believing it was in my head as drs said i they couldn't find anything wrong.
I know its hard but deep down is it what you guys would want because youll try again the pain will get worse and itll get to a point youll split again.
Im with someone else now and said from start ive got problems yes its hard n same feelings start up BUT hes known nothing different. My ex had me when i was normal and i suppose it must be hard. (My ex was a dick though)
My pain n symptoms are even worse now than when my ex was here..im glad hes gone because i done stuff as i was letting him down n thats what normal ppl should do. But i was physically being torn apart and in days of agony. Thats not how i shouldve felt i had to feel and now i have support n hugs n feel normaler because he gets it.
I had laparoscopy november and my symptoms are already bad showing again. So im never going to be free but least i dont need to worry about making others happy.
Good luck n big hugs...its a hard journey
I'm so sorry that happened to you and I'm glad you found someone that understands. I spose I'm in the anger stage at the mo rather than the upset. I also feel really let down by him as he always stated he understood. Never thought he would be this cruel.
It's hard to know he's just dropped my kids too after raising them for 9 years.
Xx
I am so, so sorry to read this and I cannot begin to think what your going through and your feelings with your partner walking out. I think that he should of talked things through with you first especially as it’s such a hard time at the moment. And for him to not answer your texts is just cruel. With regards to the intimacy you are having a bad time and will feel like not wanting to because of pain and that is bound to have an effect on it but you can’t help that. I think the different positions to where you feel comfortable may be one to look at and just take things slow if you were to feel more in to wanting to be intimate with your partner. I find this that certain positions are better than others, that’s the thing there is so many ways of things to do. I hope you manage to talk with your partner soon. Bless you.
Thankyou hun xx
I really hate this for you. My hubby and I found out I had stage 4 endo when we were trying to have children. Several surgeries later, I’m infertile and sex is a hell no. That was six years ago. We haven’t been intimate in 4 years. We sleep in separate beds but only because he snores terribly. He is very understanding and has seen the endo bring me to my knees. Luckily for me, he has a very low libido. I let watch all the porn he wants and he does what he needs to um do in private. But I strive to be as loving and giving in our marriage as possible; finding ways to share hugs, kisses or even back rubs and foot massages when he comes home from work. I feel pretty certain if he weren’t as laid back as he is, I too would have been alone. But making a commitment to one another was for better or worse. I hope your man can come to appreciate that.
Thankyou hunni so sorry about the infertility. Glad you and your husband have cone to a great arrangement that suits u both. Hopefully one day we will talk about all these issues but if he leaves it too long as its been 8 days already then there will be no going back at all x
Sarahlou1801 I think that for your own wellbeing you should focus on something else. I would feel very unhappy and crashed in this situation.
It might be very hard but personally I would try not to contact him again.
Could you get new friends, start dating again...You might think, it is not a good time right now....Well, it might be never a good time....but this would help you to forget, focus on something else, ease your emotional pain....
You should always think I am worth more...rather than "beg" take me back as in this way you let your partner know that you will be there for him, waiting like a little dog.....
When I say meet other people, meet other men I do not mean that you should be getting intimate with them.....as this is personal choice and many couple wait for a long time, 1 year, 2 years or even longer....but simply do not discuss it in private. I mention this as you might be worried about this aspect of a new relationship.
The right man would understand and treat a commitment seriously and do not walk out if the weather gets bad...
Hi sarahlou1801 sorry you are having to go through this, you will get through the other side, if I could sing it would be 'keep your head up, keep your heart strong' don't know who sings it but a positive mantra may help. Lots of love and hugs xxx
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