No sex drive - is this normal?

Hi, I was diagnosed in nov 2014 with stage 4 endo.

I am still awaiting my first operation which will include alot of bowel involvement. I take the pill cerazette which causes random bleeding and I take citalopram for anxiety which started before this diagnosis.

Since ,my diagnosis I have become very shut down when it comes to anything remotely sexual. I dont want sex, to be touched. I don't feel sexy at all and I am even moving away from doing things just for him,as it makes me feel uncomfortable. I went through a stage of forcing myself to have sex, but ended up just wanting to cry. Will I ever feel normal again? Is this part of the adjustments to the diagnosis? I am depressed, should we see a therapist? Feeling lost and scared x

5 Replies

  • Hi - the most important thing at the moment with stage 4 endo is that you are being operated on by an extremely skilled specialist team as this is not the work for general surgeons. Is it a specialist centre? Look at my post on finding a specialist to check. x

  • Hi, yes I am being seen by a specialist centre in Portsmouth. I had an mri and I am now waiting for the follow up appointment to plan my op that will need two surgeons x

  • You are in good hands. Endometriosis can make you feel very isolated and even guilty in an unjustified way for the effect on has on those close to you. But at the same time, without even realising it, you can also feel a sense of resentment that others don't understand and so you pull away from anything physical because sex is so inextricably involved and affected and is supposed to be enjoyed mutually. It is so important to talk to your partner so he understands what you are going through rather that shutting yourself away from it emotionally which will cause a void, when you need support. Click on my username and have a look at my post on endo and its symptoms and read it with him and ask him to understand why sex is impossible for you at the moment and that you need to get your surgery behind you without putting yourself under pressure about sex. If you have a strong relationship it will be better for being open about how this affects you so that he can support you x .

  • Hi sorry to hear things are so tough. It does sound as though you may be depressed but the medication you are on is also prescribed for depression but it depends on the dose. For some people just being on anti depressants can affect their sex drive too. Right now awaiting major surgery it is completely normal to feel how you are and you are bound to be feeling ambivalent about your body generally. Having some therapy would be a good idea as talking therapy is known to be the best treatment for low mood/depression. You can either get a referral via your gp and be put on a waiting list (waiting times vary enormously) or you could find a therapist or counsellor working privately - look on the UKCP or BACP websites. There are also specialist psychosexual therapists who are specifically trained to support couples/individuals around lack of sex drive/ issues in sexual relationships sometimes you can access this via the nhs or relate. However I would have thought this would be better to consider further down the line after you have recovered from surgery. Good luck :-)

  • Hi Karen

    Thanks for your reply. I have had a long chat to my supervisor at work and i have a doctors appointment tomorrow where i will ask for some help with counselling and perhaps raise up my dose of anti depressants. I am feeling worse by the day and its hard to sleep, concentrate and stay positive. I am hoping this is just a phase i will go through and with time i will come out the other side.



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