Non existent sex drive

Hi, I'm hoping I'm not alone with this one, since the beginning of this year I have had no sex drive at all, I'm in pain most days with the Endometriosis, sex is not at the top of my list. It has however become the unspoken issue in my marriage, my husband says that he is fine with it, but then we argue about the smallest things, it just seems to be something I can't fix right now.

I should also mention that I'm peri menopausal

If anyone else has struggled with this, it would be helpful to know I'm not alone.

14 Replies

  • Bless you. It's not easy to maintain a sexual relationship with your partner with endometriosis. How can we possibly feel like having sex when your pelvis feels like it's on fire and your back hurts so much you want to cry. Also another turn off is knowing the pain during and after.

    My husband bless him is lucky if it happens twice a year and I have to be fair he is as good as gold about it. At first it was a little tense between us but sitting down with the consultant, talking between ourselves and him reading this page has been a big eye opener for him. Patience is the key. You will both get there.

  • Thank you, it helps to know we are not alone with this

  • Im not sure about the whole menopause but im only 18years old and for the past about 5 months I have had no sex drive at all.

    While sometimes I try and push through because I want to be close with my partner most times I just try and avoid it. It's sad because I am so young and it was a huge part of our relationship and now it has been ruined, no you're not alone! I hope you can figure out something that will help you.

    Maybe try different things such as surprising him or planning date nights to set the mood, all the best x

  • Thank you, I hope it gets easier for you also, thankfully it's only happened in my 40's, not in my teen years, it must be awful for you...

  • I am so pleased to read your post. Me too! I'm peri menopausal and although I love my husband very much that side of our marriage is becoming a real issue. I don't think about it don't want it and although he says it's ok his moods aren't! Then there is the excruciating tummy which often strikes me next morning after. I worry about him going off with a younger woman but still have no interest in sex. It's got to be hormonal. I've read that meno can cause this. Hope it improves for us both soon. Hang in there.

  • Thank you, and yes it's their moods that tell a different story! So many of us are going through similar problems, thankfully we have this forum, it's been a god send to me, take care

  • You aren't alone. I'm 27, been married 3 year and together 10 years from school. It's so hard to have a sex drive when your womb feels like it's filled with glass and fire. I always get pain either during or after which most includes bleeding which I get embarrassed by. My husband is supportive however I do push through and endure pain to try and keep the physical side of our marriage alive. We have found which positions I basically can't do and work around the ones I can. We're trying for our second child which as you can imagine is hard sometimes but hopefully if we're successful it will be worth it.

  • I think this is a lot more common than you imagine & much more understandable to this community. Its a tough one I live out in my marriage also. Theres no easy answer but communication is the key. I used to think it had to be 'all or nothing' sex wise, so ut was mostly nothing until my husband told me quite frankly something is better than nothing! So thats where we go to now, a bit of something!


  • Thank you, You made me smile

  • I am the same. Seem to have lost my sex drive as I know the result of having sex!! Bleeding, excruciating pain even more than normal. My husband is understanding now but not at first. It takes time to adjust xx

  • I can't believe how many have replied to my post, thank you, it makes it easier knowing that others are going / have gone through similar situations,

  • Oh Hun you are so not alone. Totally understand....I leave it months before I have sex with my partner....he doesn't understand really how i feel either.....I find getting in the mood helps....but i have to really try xx maybe see what could possible get you in the mood and fins a position that is not so painful xx

  • Just thought I'd say I total understand what you're going through too. We just got married so should probably be at it like rabbits but it's so painful afterwards that it makes me scared to try. I do find various positions better than others but it's very much trial and error. Xx

  • Hi, I totally know what you are going through. Since I was diagnosed I have steadily become less and less interested in sex. I don't feel like it often at all ,in fact sometimes the idea of being touched makes me feel anxious or like I want to cry. Gradually I have felt unsexy, and completely opposite to how I used to feel. Its so hard on our hubby is very sexual and always wants to touch me or hints at me doing things for him. He is very patient but sometimes he can be moody, or refuse to do things for me and I know the reason is that he is frustrated. the more frustrated he gets the more I withdraw. When your in pain such a lot and feeling tired and run down its hard to be motivated and feel nice about yourself. I struggle as a week before my period I feel unwell, and during as well as a week of spotting after.....What time does that leave you to feel sexy and walk around in skimpy underwear?!

    I sometimes find that if I dress up, or have some alone time I can try to make my mood better, like take time to have a bath, shave, and do make up and dress up different to usual, with nice music on I sometimes feel not like I want it, but not totally against it if that makes any sense. I have considered therapy but kept thinking it would pass. If anyone has any tips or experience I would appreciate the advice too!!

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