So I had the absolute nightmare that was a cystoscopy.
Firstly, it's been hands down one of the most painful experiences of my life. After telling them beforehand how much pain I was in and how much my urethra hurt I thought maybe that would be taken into account. I had to shout out with pain and instantly burst into tears. It felt as though someone had several thousand mini shards of glass and was repeatedly forcing it up my urethra.
How is this supposed to be painless?
Apparently my bladder seemed okay and was fobbed and rushed off with a prescription for some tablets to stop me peeing 1000 x a day.
I'm heartbroken. I absolutely sobbed whilst getting dressed and leaving the hospital. I could barely even stand up straight. The pain was excruciating, mind numbing.
I pride myself on having a high pain threshold after breaking multiple bones at a time, having had polycystic ovaries and endometriosis for years and not once have any of those come even close.
Finally I got home after drinking water as suggested, I needed to wee. It was so painful I couldn't walk properly, I could barely see straight But trying to wee after that has been the worst moment on my life. I can't even put into words how much it hurts me. I genuinely cannot.
How can thsee awful symptoms be nothing? And why did this so called painless procedure hurt so much? I'm so crushed in a way that nothing showed. I feel crazy, like a super crazy mental bitch who no one believes and who gets repeatedly fobbed off.
The urologist also had the audacity to imply my pain could be due to pelvic pain syndrome- no offence Mr but I've suffered with all kinds of pelvic pain over the past 15 years and I'm 99.9% certain that it doesn't make your bladder throb with pain, and make your urethra and weeing feel like you've been set ablaze.
I couldn't even post last night afterwards as I was so depressed and couldn't stop myself from sobbing and hyperventilating.
Something is wrong with me. Something is really wrong with me. It's ruling my life. I feel like I'd rather just go to sleep and never wake up ever again than face a single day of this anymore.
So ive been given Solifenacin, and also my gp has been told to put me back on amitriptyline to "help"
I've got my scans in a week or so's time on the 12th - which I'm sure wI'll reveal nothing and send me even further into depression and also a gynecologists appointment on the 7th to beg and cry and get on my knees if I have to- for a laparoscopy and to please help me.
I'm usually a strong and tough person in regard's to this, because I have to be. Bit I really just can't take it anymore. I don't understand any of it or how easily the doctors just usher you away with no answers and no help.
Why won't someone help me?
I'm taking painkillers, on and off crying in bed with a hot water bottle between my legs. Maybe I should just accept that this is my life from now on and no one will help me.