If I had a pound....,

[Hells83bells]

If I had pound for every time someone asks me, " when are you having a baby?"- I'm crying inside.

If I had a pound for everytime someone asked me " new car? Planning a family?"- im crying inside

If I had a pound for everytime I have had to make up some silly comment up to stop the difficult silence when I have been asked if I'm having a baby.- I'm crying inside

If I had a pound for everytime I'm told by the incentive relative that at my age, my biological clock is ticking- I'm crying inside

If I had a pound for everytime I have to fake a smile and a " congratulations" when I'm green with envy everytime a friend tells me they are pregnant. I'm happy for them, but crying inside

If I had a pound for everytime I've wanted to bury my head under the pillow and not face the world because I'm pain- I'm crying inside

If I had a pound for everytime a gyne tells me " endometriosis may effect your feltility" but " it might get better if you get pregnant"- hello?! I'm Crying inside

If I had a pound for pound everytime I wait each month for the syptoms which might be pregnancy related, only to come on my period again, for the 3rd time that month.- I'm crying inside.

I'm crying inside not knowing if the pain will go away and whether I'll be ever be able to be a mum.

[Impatient]

It doesn't ever stop. Once you get past a certain age it's "Have you got kids?" or if out and about with nephews, nieces and the children of friends it is assumed you are their mum.... OR you are the grandmother !!!! Yowzers ...that cuts to the quick when you 1st hear it.

It really is mind over matter - other people will not stop being rude or insensitive - but it's how YOU handle it that makes the difference.

You have to change how you react both externally and internally.

Stop letting it stress you out...that doesn't stop the problem and the only one suffering more is you, if you let it get to you.

Get your own back for their rudeness and tell them straight.

"No I am not pregnant, I can't have children." - that puts them in the embarrassing situation of having to apologise. They hopefully won't make that same mistake again, even if you're not yet done trying - at least an abrupt answer ends the issue as far as the other party is concerned.

or "If it was any of your business, I would have told you if I was pregnant."

Think of a few choice and cutting replies that you can practice in your mind - because these types of questions usually catch you off guard. So prepare ahead and think through a few possible ways to reply.

And don't worry about being as rude or hurtful to them as they have been to you.

If it teaches them a lesson in manners, so much the better.

And most important of all. We can't all be mums. Prepare for both possibilities. Clearly you are trying for a pregnancy - but don't forget the rest of your life by putting every emotion in to the getting pregnant issue.

It is NOT the only goal to have in life. If you make it the only goal and it turns out not to be achievable what have you got to fall back on?...nothing, and it will hit you very hard indeed.

So do make the effort to keep up with outside interests and clubs and social activities, do carry on making plans for holidays - decorating the house - learning new crafts or hobbies, do not stop leading as full a life as you can afford on your finances, and available time.

The more other things you have going on in your life the bigger the cushion of support is there for you if you do have to resign yourself to not being a mum. You have other activities, commitments, and goals to occupy your thoughts and time too.

They could involve children - volunteer with after school clubs, brownies, cubs, youth clubs, cadets, take evening classes in subjects that interest you, charities always need volunteers for events and fundraising or charity shops or animal welfare.

There are so many ways you can already be putting your natural nurturing skills to excellent and valuable use, and LEARN more to prepare you for parenthood should that turn out to be case eventually.

If you cannot afford the time now to put towards other activities - you really will struggle with parenting which takes up so much more time. And if you do happen to end up with a family of little folk - these clubs and groups can get dropped to allow you more time with your own brood, meantime you have certainly built up a lot of experience which can be put to great use as a parent. Best of Luck.

[givemeananswer]

Yes, I too can relate. Dealing with this while working retail in a cosmetics department. You feel you owe it to your employer not to be rude to the customer, and some of them may genuinely be trying to be friendly. But I had scores of clients that were just downright rude. And there's part of you that just wants to let them have it. Looking back now I probably should have made print out of the whole story to enlighten them of what endometriosis is. I mean if we didn't have it we might not know what it is. Slip it in thier bag along with their purchase. And include how it makes a person with this incurable illness feel when they're trying to conceive and possibly experiencing miscarriages, false alarms, battered hearts. Let them know that you know they mean well and that you feel it is your duty as a sufferer of this relentless disease to spread awareness so that if you do manage one day to have a child and if by chance your child is a girl that maybe by spreading awareness, the medical community will take notice that more needs to be done to find a cure so that that daughter perhaps if she is burdened one day with the same illness. Then maybe more can be done for her. Let them know how you wish you were with child but instead it is just one of the symptoms of this illness to bloat from inflammation. And that you are tired of trying to conceal it with a smile. When what we really need is hope.

[Starstellar7]

I feel for you and know how you feel. It's very difficult especially if you are feeling hormonal to deal with these situations. Why do people feel it's acceptable to ask others what is obviously an extremely personal question? I wish you well. X

[Annabel22]

Beautiful x

[Hidden]

I'm really sorry to hear your situation and do empathise. There's really nothing I can add to Impatients post - it's completely the approach I took (occasionally my partner had to remove me from particularly obnoxious commentators - I remember once being asked at a wedding by the groom's father if I felt I had failed as a woman for not having children - ffs, what century are we in?!! (by that stage I was no longer getting upset, just had trouble not going stratospheric) - other than to say adoption ultimately became the route we decided to take, ahead of further medical treatment, IVF etc. It's not for everyone but it worked out fantastically for us - our son is utterly wonderful!

[Confused1991]

So sad I got told there is a high probability I won't be able to have children & at the age of 22 I'm still trying to get my head round it. X

[wizzleandmolly]

I know how you feel.

A couple of years ago I had conceived for the first time and my husband and I had only told a few family members and a couple of close friends.

My 'friend' had told her finance 'which was fine' at the time and I think they may have told there family members which I wouldn't be to impressed about as we was keeping the pregnancy quiet..

Any way a few months later after I had miscarried and my husband and I went to my 'friends' wedding.

I was washing my hands after using the facilities and my 'friends' new mother in law came up to me and said "congratulations". Either she had been told that I was pregnant before and hadn't been updated about the miscarriage or I looked pregnant which to be honest i could have done as I still had a tiny bump.

Any way I just starred at her and didn't know what to say, I then think she realised what she had just done and was really sorry.

Iv'e since fell pregnant and lost that one too.. I still have people saying one day it will happen or not having children isn't the end of the world but when they have children of there own its easy for them to say isn't it..

I find it very hard inside to deal with sometimes but try my best to focus on other things too which does seem to help a little..

I wish you all the best anyway...

xxx

[Hells83bells]

Thank u all for replying. I haven't ever posted on a forum before and how lovely it is to hear from other ladies who ACTUALLY understand. Not quiet the same as talking to friends without children who say " well none of us know if we can have children really". I know they are trying to help but not really sure they understand that we can't really get away from the thought we might not be able to as there is constant pain.

I was having a particularly "down" day when I wrote my first post so I really appreciate all the support. I don't think it helped because at work I work with clients who don't look after the children they have and a lot are subject to child protection. I feel like screaming at them sometimes and keeping all their babies! ( joke)

You are totally right impatient. I Need to change my mindset because unfortunately it's not something I have any control of. X