Hi so I'm supposed to be visiting my sister Monday as my parents are there for a few days. I've not seen anyone for over 2 months since my op and diagnosis. I've been emailing them with updates of hospital appointments as they live miles away. My sister had a little baby boy at Xmas and this may sound strange but I keep thinking if she hands me the baby when I walk in ill burst into tears.!! I have kept away from babies since being told I'm infertile with blocked tubes. I'm waiting to hear from fertility referral so I know they'll ask me about it and ask if I'm better now which can irratate me as I have to remind them I have good and bad days as the painkillers aren't a cure! I have told them I'm on anti depresents and my mums reply was be careful driving if you feel drowsey and that ill rattle with all the pills I'm on. Really surely she could of tried to share a word of comfort. My mum doesn't ask much which can anoy me but my sister told me after I had a big moan, that she doesnt talk about it cause she's upset and doesn't want to get upset in front of anyone. It feels like she doesn't understand but we've not got the closest relationship so I think I sometimes takes things to heart. It doesn't help when I tell her I've had bad days of pain and may never have kids and she replies by telling me how she's done this and that with her grandkids!! I have 3 sisters with 5 children so always feel left out. She visits my sister for 4 days then normally pops in for a coffee on their way home. I understand the kids are lovely and they are obviously more exciting then me, but its really not helping me. I'm struggling with pains today so just wanted to get home and hide from the world and now I'm sat here not knowing if I should go Monday or will being with a baby freak me out! Will my mum just wind me up even more, and why should I drive half an hour with pains shooting down my leg !! I know I should make an effort but think I'm going to find it hard to get motivated. How has everyone else found being around a baby? My niece is older and my friend has a little girl same age who I've seen and been ok just a little wobble when I got home which was ok its just the baby thing! Maybe I'm just worrying cause the pains doing my head in high on codine and its not budging!! Any tips for dealing with family would be helpful. Thanks for reading just needed to offload what is going round and round in my head. Xx
Family visit.: Hi so I'm supposed to be... - Endometriosis UK
Family visit.
lillyflower 
that's really sad. Family are hard work when it comes to endo. I had to move back home to my mums and she doesn't even get it, I don't complain about my pain to anyone but then if I did they;d get fed up so canny win. it will always hurt you seeing babies and people pregnant. I have a friend having twins which was naturally as well. How old are u? if u don't mind me asking. Im 31 just diagnosed with stage 4 had a lap in nov, but no relief from so find out my options next thurs but don't have many. I see babies in my work a lot and always have to look at them and imagine how it would be if I had a child of my own. Im single and have issues with sex to so if I cant even have sex with someone how am I going to try for kids. I hope u go on Monday as u may regret not going but take it easy and if they get on ur tits then just leave and go home. My family are a pain in the ass to and would love my own space sometimes. Huge hugs xxxx
Hi, thanks for your reply, I'm 35 and that's the age limit for IVF so there's no guarentee ill get funding if its possible as 36 next month and ill be too old. I had to laugh when my hubby said we needed some bedroom action for a baby, I reminded him that wasn't needed with IVF! Poor boys been without it for quite a while as its the last thing on my mind since all these pains got worse. So don't worry sex isn't the only way! I hope your appointment goes well and read up on all the possible options they may give you so you know what you would like to happen. I wasn't prepared when my gyni asked me what I wanted, I thought he would tell me! Your right about just leaving if my family get on my tits! And will be a few months till they visit sister again maybe Xmas so should make the effort. I hope ill wake up more positive after a good sleep. It's been a hectic week of work and had to just work through pain today which has left me drained. It's nice to hear its not just my family that don't realise how much this all effects us. I do tend to put a brave face on and joke about things but inside I ache for a normal life and my own family but got to make the most of what we got , well if I keep telling myself that maybe ill start to believe it soon! Thanks xx
Hello I hope ur feeling a bit better today, if ur not don't go on Monday if u don't feel up to it, ur family could be visiting u. None of my friends visit me its always me going to them and I get fed up with it now. Huge hugs and just relax today. Im having a sofa day as on my period n feel utter crap. xxx
Yes they could but they only pop in for coffee and it feels rushed as want to get on their way home as its nearly 4 hour drive! The only way I see them longer is if I go to my sisters over half hour away. I sometimes feel stubborn and don't go but then I moan and think well I should have gone! Oh families what a nightmare at times! Mum just called to say taking niece out in morningso I can go after lunch then they're out for swimming at 4 so I've only got a few hours but maybe is a good thing! At least I can escape home if I've had enough!
Hope your having a nice rest , I know I tend to feel better after a day to myself doing nothing! I know its annoying when you feel you do all the visiting and no one else bothers I'm pretty fed up with it too x
If u go I hope its ok for u and u can enjoy the couple of hrs. Huge hugs xxx
Thanks hugs to you too x stabbing pains going mad so codeine and hotwaterbottle tonight and hope it calms or I'm not leaving my bed! Had a good few days till Friday thought New pills were working but maybe its stress! Fingers crossed for a good day tomorrow x thanks
Oh no hope u feel better 2moro xxx
That all sounds so familiar. Babies are really hard to cope with, and other people's reactions make it worse. In my experience most people seem to think that because you can't have your own, you'll be grateful to be an on demand, unpaid childminder or only too happy to spend every minute of any visit with them. Only those who have struggled with fertility but been lucky get it at all.
Also, I'm not close to my mother either and it really hurt to see her doting on her grandkids in a way she never did with us, which makes it worse I think,
My advice would be to go with your gut instinct, if you feel like going, go but if not stay home and look after yourself.
Hugs xxx
Hi Lillyflower,
Sorry to hear you have been having such a bad time of it. My advice would be to go. Having been told I could not conceive naturally as my tubes were too blocked, I remember the sorrow I felt all the time, especially around babies. That being said there are an awful lot of babies in this world, and it is going to be pretty hard to avoid them all!
My family are pretty supportive, but still don't fundamentally understand the pain and emotions I regularly go through. I tend to not talk in detail with them about things, but if you don't see your family you are giving them even less opportunity to be there for you.
I don't know if this helps but I went on to have 2 successful ivf cycles. My first baby was born when I was 33 (funded), 2nd when I was 35 (we paid for). When I saw my gynae last week to book in my next laparoscopy he said I was still young if I wanted more ivf (I am now 37). Given that he did both our previous cycles I trust what he says.
My laparoscopy is to try and remove adhesions and laser off the endo in my tubes. This could help my fertility,although I am actually having the op to try and ease pain. We didn't go down this route initially as thought ivf would be more successful. Could this be an option for you? Finally have friend with only 1 ovary and bad endo in her tubes, and she has just become pregnant naturally!
So I would say don't give up, and best wishes.
Hi thanks for your replies, having a lazy day today so feeling a bit calmer, and being fathers day does make me feel I should make the effort. I'm not to bad seeing babies I'm just not sure about holding him which I'm thinking maybe I could just try to avoid it. For some reason its the not holding your own baby that seems to get to me but as you say can't hide from thatforever! I'm going to see how I feel in morning as the stabbing pains makes it uncomfortable to drive too so that doesn't help. Seeing my parents with the grandkids and how much they enjoy them is lovely but it does seem to make me even more left out upset that while I don't have kids I'm forgotten about! I had sort of exepted what they're like but since being diagnosed I spose I thought they would try and make an effort to see me but nothing's changed. You would think I'd have got used to it but I spose I'm always hoping maybe next time they'll make an effort!
That's great to hear how successful IVF has been for you and does give me hope. As I have hydrosalpinx in tubes I was told they would need removing and have read the fluid is toxic to embryos but ill have to wait for the fertility referral to find out more. I think not knowing if I have any option of IVF makes it harder as I don't want to get my hopes up but trying to think positive.
I'm worried that IVF hormones may make my pain worse too! I hope your op goes well and you get some relief. And if it helps fertility that would be good too but great to hear your doctors comments. Thanks hearing you have 2 babies from IVF has made me smile I'm so pleased for you and hope I have some of your luck xx positive stories are always nice to hear and keep me hopeful x thanks x
Oops just sn ur other reply lol. Glad ur feeling a bit calmer. xxx
Hi Lillyflower
Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel, I too am facing up to the probability of a life without children, I have extensive stage 4 endo including on my bladder and bowels, multiple ovarian cysts one being 15cm, 2 blocked tubes like you and everything's stuck together, oh and a desperately low amh of 3 and afc of 4, meaning Ivf success is very unlikely and although I get 3 goes on the NHS in my area, my hospital tends to refuse treading for patients with such low numbers so I might not even get my goes
It's made even harder by the fact DP has a daughter to his ex, it kills me seeing him hold her, she lives in a different town so he travels every week to see her and spend the night at his mums, I went with him last time as his brothers were there with there wives, and children, I felt so left out seeing everyone with 6 kids in the house, DPs only being 18months and Im the bitter infertile woman, it was a big deal for me going too as its an hour and a half drive and I need to be near a loo all the time due to my damaged bladder, also on multiple pain meds including maximum tramadol codeine and morphine
I have so many negative emotions surrounding him having his daughter, I know it's really wrong, but it's like a kick in the guts every time I see him with her
Looking into counselling soon
Lots of love
Lilly xx
Hi Lilly, sorry to hear that you have a lot to deal with. Councilling sounds a good idea, as I can only imagine how you feel seeing your other half with his child. I do understand being surrounded with family and children as I have 10 nieces and nephews so all family occasions revolve around the kids. We are the only ones without children so I don't think any of them can relate to how it feels. Your very strong to deal with all of this and I'm not surprised you have negative emotions I totally understand. I haven't had any tests for fertility so have no idea if it will be an option yet. Can they help with any medication to raise levels? Is there anything they can do to help? Keep strong and I know how it feels to need to have a rant so message me any time as I do understand xx sending hugs xx
My heart goes out to you,I felt sometimes I was an alien,as most everyone of my age was settling down,but one day a friend said to me out of the blue,your so lucky you can just go where you like,so however you live your life someone will always think that their life sucks and doesnt measure up to others.Try and find something positive about your life and latch on to that.Do not worry about others just try and enjoy what you have Crystalgirl
Hi all thanks for all your comments, I did go and it was ok tried not to think about babies and just played with my niece, so kept away from baby cuddles so although his little face gave me a bit of a lump in my throat I was ok. I thought I might get emotional but I'm sure the anti depressants have numbed my senses! No one asked how I felt but once I mentioned about still waiting to hear from fertility for referal appointment they asked a bit but when I said I'd get one go if were accepted on NHS and then it would be expensive and my mum said well its not worth spending all that money! Really? I know I've said we couldn't afford it at the moment but I wouldnt have put it quite like that! She also said yes someone I worked with had IVF and had twins then sister said her friend had luck too, well that's great but they didn't have endo and it sort of felt they assume it will work and didn't ask how I actually felt about it. Maybe I'm just a bit touchy and over thinking it all but well I'm glad I went as can't feel guilty for not making an effort but was glad to get home x
It's a real comfort to know even if they don't understand I know you all do so thanks x
Family support
One in Ten
Work just dont understand 
Laparoscopy shows little Endo growth but I'm still living with chronic pain. What do I do?
