Losing the will to live...

[jayneeb3]

Hi everyone, sorry for this but don't know how much longer I can carry on feeling like this. I had my right ovary removed in October, where it was discovered I had endo, I had clusters removed and my womb was attached to my bowel, which took two hours in total. This explained the pain I had been experiencing, which fell on deaf ears at the time. 3 days after my op I started with, what I thought were migraines as I had visual disturbance along with neck and head pain. Was told to let things settle down, a routine eye test, 3 weeks later, showed I had swollen optic disc and was referred back to my doctor, who went into overdrive and arranged an emergency appointment with the eye clinic, 2 days there a ct scan and mri ruled out a brain tumour and I was referred to a neurologist, I have had more test, and bloods taken a lumbar puncture reveiled the pressure on my spinal fluid was high and that I had a minor inflammation too. Electrical studies were performed on my vision and although they did not indicate it, if I have a repeat of the symptoms within 5 years I have MS. I have to see the neurologist again in August to see how I am doing. I have finally got my doctor to take blood tests to check my hormone levels which have come back not showing anything, although she has said my symptoms would indicate menopause. I am 46 in six weeks time. I have just had bloods taken to check, iron, B12 and bladder function. I still have the pain I had before the op and are now saying it could be IBS. Before my op, yes the pain was hard to live with, but never felt as tired as I do now. My job is a chef and yes its hard work but nothing that didn't stop me having a life outside of work. I have said to my doctor that I expected, wrongly or rightly to be told we have discovered you have endometriosis and this is what we need to do to treat, help you with the symptoms or this is how you can expect to feel because of it, but nothing. Apparently I have been through a lot and most people wouldn't work while this was going on, I returned to work 5 weeks after my op, still with headaches and visual disturbance, and in some pain. I had no choice I haven't found a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I am permantly tired, weepy and generally low. Not me at all. I know we are all suffering but if this is me for the rest of my life what is the point of just getting through. I have no children or partner and because it is now 7 months since my op everyone thinks I am fine, I wouldn't tell them otherwise. I just feel so alone, sorry. Can anyone show me some light at this never ending dark tunnel.x

[crystal_willow]

It is so hard to go through all of that without live-in support like a partner. You are clearly a hard worker who could do with a break for the sake of having a break.

I have worked in kitchens and my ex was a chef and I know it is a very demanding and high stress job and Chefs don't always take their holidays. Please,if nothing else book yourself some time off and make some plans to do something fun.

I can't say exactly what, medically, should be done to reduce your pain as my experience of endo is mild and your situation is specific to you but it sound like you life has been a road of work and health recovery with not much room for anything else.

It is vital to make time for you/fun, especially if you are feeling alone as it is tougher to arrange fun when you feel alone.... that makes it more important to structure some enjoyable activities into your life

If your emotional wellbeing remains low then your GP can offer some support by giving you some appropriate medication or/and referring you to talking therapy like Cognative Behavioural Therapy. It can be really helpful when dealing with this kind of low ebb thinking/feeling and can teach you how to figure out useful coping mechanisms for these difficult times.

*hugs*

Crystal x

[jayneeb3 in reply to crystal_willow]

Thank you for your hugs, my days off have been worked around, hospital and doctors appointment., it feels like its never ending am taking a week off at the end of June and hope the weather will be better. Will speak to my doctor, I have been offered anti depressants but really don't want to go down that route but will ask about therapy am due to see them in 2 weeks time.

Many thanks

xxx

[crystal_willow in reply to jayneeb3]

You are welcome xx

[jennyf]

tryba well women multivitamin from boots and evening primrose oil it stops the crying. your hormones may be a bit part of it. im jusr starting the menopause and i have bn struggling . the vitamins do help xxc

[jayneeb3]

thank you Jenny, I am taking evening primrose and a multivitamin with probiotic xx