Fed up

[Jessie23]

Tbh I don't know where to start but feel I need to vent. My life atm is a right mess and a catch 22 situation. I suffer with depression and have done for past 4 yrs now and been on that many diff meds I've lost count. 3 years ago I decided to get myself back to work after having kids it helped alot. About a year into work one of the lads took a disliking to me (he got finished due to cut backs then brought back in when things picked up) after he came back he started to bully me wrighting things on my desk and name calling. I reported it but nothing was done. After a month or so he got finished again due to coming into work late drunk missing shifts etc. Everything started to pick up again with me was in line for a promotion and felt nothing could go wrong untill my supv decided to bring him back. I had a chat with him expressing my concerns but he had assured me that he had changed etc (leopard never changes it's spots) anyway he came back and the bullying got worse i reported it only thing that got done was we both got final written warning due to me sticking up for myself. Bullying still continued as a result took time off work due to my depression overtaking again. As a result lost opportunity for promotion. It never stopped he would seek me out to name call me. I tried to talk to the now ex husband but he didn't understand. I wanted to leave but he kept pressuring me to stay in the end I left as I knew I was falling apart and pushing everyone away even my kids. As a coping mechanism I turned off all emotions becoming numb an empty shell. I ignored my kids I had no love to give. Weeks went on and I knew I had to do something about it I left my husband of 10yrs as felt he was also dragging me down and I knew I had to focus on myself and my children. Just over a year has passed since then. The 1st few months were grate I was focusing on me and my kids until things got bitter between my ex and me. He wasn't seeing his kids more interested in going out and women leaving me to try and explain to my kids where dad was and why he wasn't seeing them. I forced him into mediation it was either that or leave and not see kids again as he was popping in and out when he could be bothered messing with the kids heads. Things settled again for a month or 2 after till he started seeing his current gf after 6months of dating her her kids call him dad and he is adopting 2 of her 4 kids. 4 kids 3 diff dad's hard not to judge especially since she took one of her kids with her on 1st date. As a result again my kids have been pushed to one side he is more interested in her and her kids. He broke his mediation agreement as stopped doing one on one with them so I've told him to keep kids away from her till we go to court so th kids are getting dad's time. All along th way he is proving unfit introducing her to them after 10 days against my wishes Making my kids lie to me about her etc. It is all due to go to court soon and I can feel it all getting on top of me again. I have no friends or money to go meet new friends due to not working due to last job it fills me with anxiety thinking of going back to work. I also found out recently that th lad that bullied me had been done for stabbing someone I worry as that could of been me. There are numerous other things dragging me down also atm I constantly feel like I'm being dragged down as soon as I see th surface something else grabs hold and pulls me back down again.

[Hidden]

Hi I emphasise with you from the work aspect as I went through something similiar only it was my line manager who bullied me. I wasn't believed and went off sick. I got a written warning and tried to take out a grievance against her but it was rejected.

When I went off sick she picked on this man instead and he then went off sick too. She was moved away from managing staff but I have heard after a year or so was moved back. I presume she is still bullying now.

Bullying at work is against the law and if you left because of this then it could be called 'constructive dismissal' and you could have a case to take your employer to tribunal.

I am not surprised things are getting on top of you as you are going through a very stressful and difficult time. Not sure what to suggest there I'm afraid.

Maybe a trip to your doctors would help?

[Jessie23 in reply to Hidden]

I go to th doctors every 4 weeks because my mood is on a constant bungee it's normally the case my meds get upped or changed. I'm ok for a cppl of weeks then something happens ex death in the family. Whenever a smile is on my face something happens to take it off again. Maybe I'm destined to be unhappy/depressed for the rest of my life. Counceling wasn't much help either but due to go go back at end of the month

[Hidden in reply to Jessie23]

I have found in life that things tend to go in cycles. I can have a virtually smooth ride for years then suddenly over the next year or so everything goes belly up. All you can do is ride it out until things are better again.

Life is about change and it is never static for long so I doubt your unhappiness and depression will stay the same either.

I often think the secret of life is endurance. But hey no one ever promised it was going to be easy did they? Take care.