Darkness lifting to show true horror

I'm on maximum dose venlafaxine and clomipramine. The past few months I've felt like the usual darkness that suffocates and saturates me has begun to lift. Like smoke, drifting away. Only to reveal the ugliness that is reality. All the emptiness and fakness of people. No real connections to anything. The true exhausting effort it takes to fake a smile, to fake a caring look on your face during a conversation. I have begun to actually hear the words people are saying, to really hear them and it's vile. There is so much broken and negative surrounding me I can't begin to imagine fixing things. I'm not even sure I want to, I prefer the darkness if im honest. Please tell me that the darkness lifting is not a sign of recovery and that this world in front of me is not reality?

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  • It's great that your darkness is starting to lift. I wonder though if depression is still there and affecting how you see the world. It takes time to get truly better. It took months for me to go from when I started to feel better to actually feeling completely like my old self. That said though there is a lot of negativity in the world but we cannot fix it. We can only change the way we behave and hope that by being positive we can help others to see the good in life as well. If there are particularly negative people who are getting you down at the moment perhaps try and ignore then for a while until you feel strong enough to cope with them. Remember we can't change what happens to us only how we respond to it.

  • Hello S, You must remember that depression lies. If you feel it's lifting and yet you see people and the world as a dark ugly place then you probably aren't having a true recovery. There is no denying the world can be awful as can people but not everyone. Try to find some good and true people to be around no matter what stage you are at in your depression. It will be a help to you. Also people who are mean are probably in their own pain and it's not caused by you.Be good to yourself. Pam, who thinks you should see your Doctor.

  • Hi Mazda 2 here, I've suffered from anxiety,Depression and OCD for the last 4years and although I've been on various anti depressants I still have my good days and bad days. It all started 9 years,plus,when I lost my voice, not being able to communicate with people is the pits we all take things for granted just open your mouth and the sound will come out,but that's not the case. There isn't any group I can join near me that people who suffer will understand.i get frightened going out on my own and having to many people near at once freaks me out and that even includes my own family which I'm ashamed to admit. Its them times when you just want to run away as,far as I you can go but I know that's not an option why is life so hard.

  • Hi sclarkstone, My dark thoughts at this time come in the form of a wall that I unable to climb & which is forcing me more & more into the blackest hole I've ever imagined. Each time I climb up the wall at least one more row of bricks appears to keep me down. I truly wish you a more positive frame of mind than mine & that you can tackle any wall before you knocking each row of bricks out of your way, bit by bit. Hope this makes sense.

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