Argh I don't know how to explain it. First off, I feel things in a different way to other people - I'm not even kidding, it's like I'm some kind of alien. What I think tastes good, other people hate. What I think feels good, other people don't. What I think smells okay, other people don't. You get the idea. Also, it takes way too much to overwhelm me - like, I've gotten so used to bottling up my feelings that I can deal with almost anything and be okay.
Secondly, I don't know the word for it, but until I'm really comfortable with people, I barely say anything or interact with them well - but once I know you well enough I become a the most annoying extrovert you've ever met - but many people don't see that side of me. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I was bullied badly and at one point I literally had no friends and people'd yell stuff down the corridors at me, and I'm afraid that if I'm myself (I'm really, really weird, btw) then they're going to lash out. The times I'm not completely dysfunctional around them, I become confident and they mistake it for me being cocky (which I am around my friends, but it's kind of different).
And then I think it's something I'm doing wrong so I beat myself up about it. Once, I plucked up the courage to talk to someone about it, and she started crying and I felt so bad - so bad! - and we were at that 'becoming friends' stage and we'd spent a few hours in town that day, and since, we've been quite cold and I was so stupid because someone actually wanted to hang out with me and then I blew it!
Sometimes the feelings verge on self-loathing, especially when I'm alone. Things get so much worse when I'm on my own.
If anyone had any ideas, I'd love to hear them
Written by
JustDatWolf
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6 Replies
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I am very sorry you are feeling this way. I recent wrote a post on 'self- loathing' and recieved a tremdous amount of support and advice. You sound like you have a vibrant personality. I know how you feel about 'blowing it' by telling a potential new friend too much too soon. You probably get so excited to meet someone you find really interesting and want to tell her everything because you felt comfortable around her. i bet other people on this for will have much better things to say than me- but I wanted to say that I care you are feeling so sad right now. And I really hope you feel better soon.
Thank you! It doesn't matter if other people have better things to say - it makes me feel better that other people understand what I'm feeling and that they care
Hello Wolf
It is very important, if you are bullied is too see your Form Master/Mistress and discuss the position you are in. Sometimes schools prefer not to accept that their is bullying happening in their School and if this is so your parents would also be advised to see your Headmaster to prevent these problems getting out of control and bring the instigators to book as you are at school to learn and if you are being prevented from doing this it could affect your future education and adult activities.
Many people who are bullied at school have a period of self loathing and this ca get worse as the bullying becomes worse, you will feel you are unworthy of peoples acceptance. This in turn can also affect the making of friends and can also affect your feelings of keeping them interested as you as a person who is worth getting to know. This can make you feel uncertain when talking to other people and sometimes this stress can cause problems with your voice and body language that sometimes can be picked up from your Peers you are trying to talk to, so it is important that you try and sort out this problem out before it gets worse.
Your problem of being over the top with people is a further problem caused by your lack of self worth and the overreacting when making friends this is part of the self loathing you feel. Hopefully once you settle things should get better as you realize things are getting better in your life
One thing that may be a good idea is see your family GP and it may be possible that they can assist with the approaches with the school and family.
The bullying went on at my old school, but I was kinda stupid and didn't tell anyone. Now I'm at a new school and I got a fresh start and things are better
Do you think you have these different reactions to things because people tend to disagree with your opinions all the time, or because you have noticed for yourself that your tastes are different? I know some people who will almost always disagree with me out of habit, just to be argumentative, (my sister being one of the worst) not because it is what they really think or feel. I think it is a sign that they feel the need to be different themselves, or feel the need to be competitive. I have stopped making statements about my preferences with them as I know it almost always creates friction.
However, does it really matter if people like what you like or not? We are all different, and we should embrace our differences. It makes for a stronger society.
I don't do it to be argumentative, I find that my opinions and other such things are very different to other peoples', and while people accept that when we become friends, I still find it somewhat frustrating.
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I just need advice 
Help I need advice 
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I need someone to talk to
I just need to get this out
