Quiet before storm

I feel bad for complaining but I felt I needed to talk. I feel such a spongy sickness in my stomach from anxiety and depression. I feel like all it would take is one more straw to break the camel's back. There us a whole lot of empty promises on how I am going to be given less responsibilities at work soon. My boyfriend just whines about how no one has bigger problems than he does. Everywhere I look I see a deadend. I talk no one listens. I'm on medication for depression and stress already. Everything just appears like a heavy gloom of nothingness. I have reached out and now I am retreating- and no one noticed or cared anyway. This board has been so kind and helpful. Just having a place to go like HU is something positive,


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23 Replies

  • Hi there sorry your feeling stressed. Try and be very good to yourself and

    Do something nice for yourself if you can.

    Things will. Eventually change as nothing ever stays the same in life.


  • Thank-you Hannah. You are so right. The only constant thing in life is change. I would like to treat myself with something but I can't think of anything I want or would like to do. I suppose could seek some retail therapy on Amazon.com If I could find my way to the store I would buy a bouquet of flowers. But it might be next week until I can go to the shops. Thank-you for your reply.❤️💐

  • Hi Aspen thanks for reply. A bunch of flowers sounds very nice,

    Sometimes we have to take a minute and switch off from

    Everything In our life and treat ourselves with great compassion .

    Hannah x

  • Hello Hannah

    How are you today, we got our final trees for the Orchard today I will be planting again tomorrow, something to calm the naked breast.


  • Hi Bob ah that's great that you will be planting your trees,

    Must be lovely to live in the country.

    Weather was nice here today.

    Hannah x

  • These are the last ones, although we are having to wait for another thirty strawberries.

    It has been a sunny day and Pax has been out with His girl friend this evening, sad really sh will be going for the snip soon.

    The countryside Has its problems, next door we are onto a field and the farmer has planted Oilseed Rape, the colour hurts your eyes and causes every one to sneeze. The bees will not look a anything else when the stuff flowers So it has its disadvantages.

    Are you in a city or town ??


  • thirty more strawberry plants!😍🍓🍓🍓 Do you make preserves? Many years ago I had a patch of strawberries and there were some tiny tiny toads living among the plants. The toads invited themselves but were welcome guests as they eat slugs!

    I just looked on-line to see a field I Oilseed Rape! Wow that is blinding! He is planting it because he wants to help the bees?🐝

    I grew up in the countryside near the ocean. I remember the cows lowing at 4:30am and how steel grey the sea was on the winter. Now I live in town. But not too far. There is many wild birds to enjoy watching here!🐣

  • Hello Aspen

    Strange when you think about it, when we are down there is always someone in our circle that always feels worse than us. You really need to consider what would make them more positive in your outlook.

    If you find this to long go down to the last few paragraphs.

    Several years ago I used to live in a market town with my own beat of river where I was able to fish for trout. The problem was everyone wanted part of the action and they would poach and trespass on my land. Twenty years ago I planted a orchard with apples, pears and plums and Hazel had an extensive garden area where she in planted with trees, shrubs and plants.

    When our town flooded our house was basically flood proof and our next doors and street flooded from two and a half feet upwards to five feet in dirty water. We flooded from our next doors and we had just four inches in the house our garage was the regulation two and a half feet deep. We had been on holiday and had to return the same day to a house soaking wet. Eventually our insurance company decided they wanted to do a full flood recovery on our property and they had three Engineers to look at our home. as they could not decide what to do. Eventually they restored the property and it did not need it. It cost them somewhere in the region of £80,000.

    When they finished we installed £10,000 worth of flood protection to our home and the property became the safest on the whole river bank.

    Two years later the Environment Agency decided to do an extensive flood protection scheme. And guess where they wanted to do the work, on our land. They destroyed a garden that had been planted for flood protection and destroyed our garden. The EA are the biggest deceivers this side side of heaven as they changed their plans about six times the last the day before they started works. I will not go on anymore with this

    Needless to say I moved into a bungalow that has been adapted for my disability and I sold the property in the New Year.

    Sorry I realize this is long winded. What I am trying to say is, When something happens our life can become one big disaster. We were threatened out of our family home and the Law could not do anything about it. At the time people around us had bitched on and had managed to have the works foisted upon us, as our home was the one protected, Now a liability.

    People always can only relate to themselves and their own problems. It was totally a pointless exercise that they were destroying the land and possible safety of a house.y

    As well it is always a good idea to pass sh--t down the line, even when their gardens were also destroyed. Why bother with the safety of our home. This is what people are like and the EA was quite happy to play the part for them as it was distracting what they were doing in other places. This of course was human nature.

    What I am trying to say this above is human nature at a greater extent. You need to understand no-one is worse then them, you or I could end up lying in a heap on a road and people will come and visit you on the ward, generally do you wonder what they will say to you or I??.

    Terrible situation you are in, mind little Jimmy has a terrible tummy and my Mother in Law is in next door ward for tests for a bad tummy. All of above is a what humans are like, they generally cannot really relate to someone else s suffering.

    Today I have took delivery of several trees for my new orchard. This is what I do to calm my nerves. Our garden is our hobby and we have now started again.

    Look for an interest, something you enjoy and let the rest grumble, you will become more sane than them



  • Thank-you Bob for your personal reply. That is a terrible thing done to your former property and gardens. It reminds me of when the government was mining coal and bought my step-father's house for pennies. It is not like he had a choice because the community was no longer a home when they even started fracking for nickle.

    That is,wonder news your new trees came in today! Are they Apple trees?

    When I have a friend I trust with my feelings I just want a safe place to speak what is weighing me down. Whereas some people don't listen and say they have it worse than anyone they know. Why does everything need to turn into a peeing contest in the snow with him? I listen to him. But he won't listen to me. It would be lovely everyone's problems were irrelevant because someone else out there as it worse. I used to do years of volunteer work in 3rd world countries. I know 'real' problems. But that doesn't mean that anything in my present life that is triggering my depression and anxiety doesn't matter because others have less than me. I live below the poverty line. I have no cellphone, no car, no televison - but I have a full time job and manage to even safe a bit each month from being,careful with my money. He lives in his parents home but financially contributed towards it and he does all care of the garden and lawn which he hates. But he has a King size bed, private jazzcuzi bath and a flat size televison that looks like a movie screen. And i just had a mattess on the floor and a fish aquarium when he started dating me. But he is the only one allowed to say he has problems. My problems are not money because I budget very carefully - my problems deal with having too much on my plate work wise.

    I hope you, Hazel and Pax enjoy your new trees! Sincerely Bob - always good to hear from you.🌳

  • Hello Aspen

    These trees for planting now are four cherries, two Peaches, one Nectarine, one Apricot not not forgetting a couple of figs, most for indoors.

    The two trees we got yesterday was the Nectarine and the Apricot. They are special varieties that we can move indoors for winter and spring.

    We have a full Orchard here, that include apples pears, plums damsons and greengages. we also have a further two cherries that are as tough as old boots and stay outside. Most of the fruit we will eventually eat and preserve for the coming twelve months. Hazel makes jam, although the trees are still young so we will only get a reduced crop for the next three years. The fruit garden is my hobby and at my old address we had a very productive garden from the trees. It seems a lot of trees although it is not as we live in the north and we get reduced crops. because of the cold. We will loose trees for a time and the ones left will be the ones we keep.

    What do you do for a hobbie ??.


  • Thank-you for your reply. I always joy hearing from you. Years ago my hobby was gardening. I had flowers and vegetables and a water garden. But I lost my home when I divorced and never had a place to garden since. Studying Gaelic has been my hobby since I was a teenager. But just fun with my Rosetta,Stone and watching Gaelic programs on television. I stopped that during my recent major emotional storm that started in December with a panic attack at work. Things are much better now. But I am still not back where I want to be because I am so restless. I hope you, Hazel and Pax enjoy your orchard this year with you lovely new trees!🌳

  • Hi Aspen.

    Beware, if you argue about money now, it may mean you are deeply incompatible.

    I also wonder if you have problems with setting boundaries, which can lead to taking on more than you can handle at work, and taking on relationships which drain you. Do not confuse generosity of spirit which is valued and common amongst those who volunteer, with being a doormat or martyr to someone who does not appreciate your intrinsic worth. Also, try to differentiate between giving to those who deserve help with giving to anyone who demands it.

    Also, I think it is important to remember that if we all stopped buying things, then many third world countries would suffer a great loss of trade. So giving yourself the odd treat can be a good thing. Everything in moderation.

  • Thank-you for your reply. You nailed so many points I made perfectly. We don't argue about each other's money but he is in a constant battle with his mother whom he lives with about money. He has no job and has one that starts in two weeks. Only once did he successfully break trust,with money. He has no credit card and gave me an amount he said was a total of a down deposit on an expensive toy for himself. But he judged off by over hundred American dollars. I still paid it and asked for the money back. And I explained to him Inbuy him expensive gifts like his Rx glasses, and hundred dollars plus scope for some rifle and designer sunglasses But I chose to buy those. Just singing my credit card and not paying me back I have a problem with. His mother also owes me for the purchase of the funeral urn I bought. I paid for the printing of the memorial cards which was 100 dollars. And she said she would pay me back for the urn which was very expensive. She insisted she wanted to pay for it. But no signs that is going to happen. I make less than 70 dollars a day. And because he brings me leftovers from the meals his mother makes I guess he feels entitled or something? I am too sick to fight right now. I really feel ill.

  • We do not have our own money, it all is one pot as we are having to save for our new property. Generally we find if we had our own money that would be counterproductive

    If you love someone enough you need to be able to trust each other when it comes to money. With me I cannot carry money because of my condition. We all need to trust our partners. If we do not the relationship becomes weak and none trusting. We both do all things together and that is how it has been now for thirty years. When we married we decided to act like one and even friendships are looked at in the same way.


  • Hi there I know how you feel, it's a lonely desperate feeling. It's hard for people to understand as only we know those awful feelings deep inside. I try to keep as busy as I can so I don't have time to think!! Sometimes it helps! I wish I could give you some magic answer!! Friends are important and little treats. Reading and watching a good film. Doesn't take the pain away, but distracts you for a while. Hope ive helped s bit? I'm on 10mg of citalopram and may go up to 20? But it's not for everyone! Sometimes the choice is taken away. Anything get helps get you through. Thinking of you xxxxx

  • Thank-you for kind words and friendship❤️ It has been a rough time for me. The restless feeling and a suspended dangling feeling in my stomach. I only had 3.hours sleep and an overload of hours to do this week. You are so kind to be thinking of me. I only have my partner in this world and even though I tell him I need more- he thinks seeing me for two hours on Monday was enough while logs much more time with other special people in his life. it really hurts a lot. I have no groceries because he is my only drive to the shops. I feel so sick physically from the stress. Thank you💐

  • Hope u feel better! Was going to attach a picture of some flowers but don't know how to do it! So have some of these 🌷🌼🌸🌹🌺🌻💐

  • Goodness- thank-you so much!❤️❤️❤️

  • I am so glad you have found this site. Yes, having people who understand your problems is SO important and life-giving. I will look for future posts from you here, and will answer to help you, if I can. I think this site will continue to be a great help to you. I know it is for me.


  • Thank-you so much Annue- that is so kind and you.❤️

  • Dear 'Aspen ' ,

    I am concerned because you say you have no other way to get groceries other than him. Also, anyone who treats you so badly is NOT worth bothering with anymore.

    I know that is sometimes easier said than done. He and his mother are both taking advantage of you. Please, don't be taken advantage of by such people as them again.

    You have such a tender heart that it is easy to be fooled. I was the same way.

    Don't give up your tender and sympathetic heart, but do be on the alert for some people in this world that only seem to know how to take advantage of others.

    There are other people in this world who are looking for someone honest and loving, just as you are. Save yourself for a worthwhile human being like that.

    Get out of the house and do something with one of your friends, or even by yourself. Get out and be with people. This will help you more than you can imagine. Do you have any family that you are close to you that you could visit ? If you have ever belonged to a church or synagogue ( spelling ?? ) , go back to it now. You may find people who are very nice and also have some sense of morality and decency. That would be so good for you to be a part of !

    I / we will be waiting to hear from you when you are ready to share your thoughts

    with us again.

    Hang in there, " Aspen " !

    " Annie55406 "

  • Thank-you for your kind words and friendship. I don't have any family that I am close to. Big life events like when my boyfriend had cancer and needed his kidney removed, and my own stay in intensive care after my kidney needed an operation- I didn't tell anyone in my family. No one ever met or even saw a photo of my boyfriend and we have been together for almost 3 years. There were a few times in my life I made a sincere effort to reach out to them and they did not respond. When my brother had a baby I emailed him for a postage address and he never sent one. I know there was not any conflict between in my family - everyone just went their separate ways and starts their own family. Because I work every morning and every night - 6 days a week I find it hard to enjoy my day. I always have to make sure I am back to work by 7pm. I home normally by 10:30pm Then I go back to work in the morning. I never want to too far incase I can't be back in time for work.

    My favourite time of day is my afternoon nap- which I try to have around 1pm. I have a cuddly pet and a big fluffy blanket. I never thought nap time would ever be the thing I enjoy most.

    There was a time I would say cuddling with someone I loved was my favourite thing to do. I used to sleep so well. I once had a partner that always slept holding my hand because we were living in a hot climate and I was often to hot to cuddle but the sentiment was the same. My current partner never stays over at my home. I asked him if there is anything I can do to make things more comfortable for him - and he said he enjoys my home and it is very relaxing. I have a big aquarium that bubbles nicely. I always do a big cleaning before he comes over. But he might only come over once a week after work. Then I see him if I have a doctors appointment or he brings me shopping. And he might visit me in the afternoon once or twice a month. But he telephones me very often. He is over to the city with his mom now and said he will pick me up some groceries and treats. He is generous that way for sure.

    I was just thinking since he lives in a fancy huge home with an en suite bathroom with a jazcuzzi. And has a huge flat sized television screen and king size bed. And I have only a shower, double bed and no televison or fancy ice machine on my fridge- he just doesn't want to hang out here in my apartment. He says no to that but so often when he is talking to me on the phone I can tell he is in his bedroom with all his amenities.

    It just is not as I planned. He is the nicest partner I ever had. I like how he will come in with me when I see my doctor if I ask him.

    Thank-you for your friendship. It makes me feel part of a nice community because of you and the other caring & support people here.

  • Thanks muchly for writing. I really do appreciate it.

    I wish you the best of everything in the future. Don't lose track of this

    Internet group. I and many others want to know how you are doing !



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