Hey guys. This post doesn't really have a main point, i just feel like i need to talk.
my depression is really bad right now. i just feel so horrible. i want to stay by myself all the time, i cant cope with social situatons and fake personalities. i'm no fun to be around. there's always someone better. i feel like nothing is going right for me. One of my best friends of 5 years doesn't even want to speak to me anymore because i fell out with him because he said hed be there for me and he wasn't, and anytime i see him i just feel like crying. I keep making excuses to leave classes and break/lunch, like i need to go to the GA's or the toilet, so i can be alone in a cubicle. i just feel so lonely. none of my friends get it, and i just dont want to be here anymore. i know in previous posts ive seemed relatively posative and wanted to get treatment (i've still yet to go to the doctors, there was complications with my mum) but i just dont see a way out. i dont care about anything anymore. i just hate everything because im scared of everything. i know im only a teenager, but my life is so bad. i apologise to everyone for everything, and i still get nowhere. i apologise for things that arent even my fault. i give out compliments, im nice to most people, yet no one really pays any attention to me. I wish someone would realise im living in hell. i always feel so tired, and im always in a state of derealization these days. its difficult to understand anything hen you dont even understand why youre not a plant, or something. Im sorry if im rambling on, i just need to vent i suppose.