Help now please

People say to me to tell people about my problems,s but I'm scared to because of safeguarding and confidential thing I can't trust no one no more feel alone and may as well stay that way and just feel worse and worse if people cared about someone they would tell no one no matter what the problem I don't know if my problems,s are serious or not but I will never find out the only person I can trust is my horse she won't tell no one

20 Replies

  • Hello Mary

    Over the years I have suffered from depression, sadly I have learned to take the gypsies warning and only talk of my problems with my Wife and those who need to know within the NHS. I now feel that if you tell friends or others, even some family will look at the situation you are in as a sign of weakness, this sadly has been proven so many times since my first black dog at the age of twenty six, I am now sixty three !.

    Now I have a wonderful wife and a Collie who is brighter than His Dad.

    My friends and neighbours are very supportive, although they know of my disabilities, they do not know to what extent I suffer and they do not know of my black dog. The only black dog they know of me is my Collie and it will stay that way,so I will try as hard as I can to keep that upper lip and simmer when deepressed.

    Sadly one of the reasons I am alienated from my family is my RA and Mental Health. GROW UP BE A MAN COMES TO MIND,

    My disabilities and associated black dog have been used to slap my face throughout the last four decades.


  • They were words from a 19th century song I think. Something about a gypsy warning a girl to stay away from a boy who was trouble. I don't like any references to gypsies to be honest, unless they are positive ones, but I think that one is meant without prejudice.

  • Hello

    This saying is without prejudice, in fact it is to take advice, so it is a saying of tact


  • I just hate suffering alone but I can't tell no one nothing as I am too scared to trust anyone as they say it confidential and actually it not I can't tell no one anything just hate feeling like this

  • Mary you say you don't trust anyone. What are you most worried

    About. Do your Parents not know you are upset, they must

    Be very good if you have a horse . I like horses too.

  • I'm worrying about parents finding out and yeh my horse saved my life if it was ant for her I would not be here and who I am today without my pony

  • I think you know it would be silly not to tell anyone how you're feeling Mary x

  • I know but how can you trust anyone and it is right about the confidential and safeguarding thing

  • one important question to ask----is how much can you trust yourself? Can you keep yourself from harm? The professionals are there for those times when you can not keep yourself safe....

    I do not now whether it is a case of the counsellor telling you about the safegaurding issues simply as part of the "small-print" which you are now focusing on,,,,, or if the counsellor is especially concerned about you---- and has a genuine reason to believe that you are at serious risk of harm? Only you know the answer to that question....

    The professionals will not casually gossip in the same way that a friend might, and any info that is passed on is on a need-to-know basis.

    You have to ask yourself the question----how well can you cope without their help? And they can not help anywhere near as well as they might if you are secretive with them...

  • Of course it's right. These laws there are to protect both parties. How are you feeling tonight? X

  • Message me Lucy please I need to talk to you asap

  • Mary, regarding safeguarding, didn't you say you were 17? I think you should go tomorrow and trust this lady.

    There is a difference between confidentiality and safeguarding. Things will be confidential unless it will really harm you or another person for them not to be confidential (it is mainly how much they think you may harm yourself or another person ) For example if they thought you were planning to kill yourself then they would have to tell someone to try and stop you.

    However if for example the problem was that you were pregnant then I'm not sure that your adoptive parents would not need to know or if they were harming you in some way then you would not get in trouble for telling someone about it. Best thing to do is to ask her exactly what things she would have to tell someone else about and who she would have to tell. If you are self harming and that is what you are worried about people finding out then you should ask her for example " If I was self harming would you have to tell my doctor or my adoptive parents"? (as I know you don't have good relationship with them)

    I know you have not been able to explain yourself very well on here but you are trying and we have had conversations via PM.

    I'm a bit tired so apologies if this doesn't make too much sense. I am trying to help and I think if you like the lady it is a good start and you should trust her. I have to go now as tired but wish you the best of luck for tomorrow.

    Gemmalouise x

  • Sorry I am tired. I meant that I don't think your adoptive parents would have to be told about everything. The laws are there to protect you mainly and most things you say will be confidential unless you are very serious risk then they have to tell someone. x

  • OK will let u know how it goes tomorrow

  • Simply put there is no way anyone who safeguards will act without a lot of consideration before breaking confidence. That is why if they think you need help they will encourage and support you in asking for it.

    Most commonly, I ring and as a health professional can get them a GP appointment the same day, and I either send an electronic message and/or a fax outlining the discussion and reason for referral. Generally I'm composing it while sitting with the patient and they know every word I'm writing. The reaction is often surprise to learn I can get urgent review appointments organised (I'm very well known by local surgeries and they know I know my stuff with mental health) and questions about the terms I'm using such as "PHQ-9" and "blunted affect", which are all health speak terms to assess, measure and describe a persons mental state.

    This is the most important role of a safeguarder - to act to keep others safe.

    The person at school had to tell you the parameters (it is called informed consent), but like me will have received training (and possibly more than me if she is dealing directly with children) on making assessments of risk.

    Honest truth, you don't stay in these roles without being wise to the world. I'm never bummed out by my patients, my own depression is rooted in dealing with other staff!

  • If you are 17, then your GP would almost certainly judge you to have Gillick competency and your parents would not need to be told unless you wished them to be. In fact when I had my first depressed episode at 28, I had the opposite problem, I wanted my Mum there to help explain how bad this was, and the doctor didn't like this because my then husband was my legal next-of-kin, not my mother. We had to fill all kinds of forms in.

  • To the people on this site you are just maryp17.... we have no idea of your address , e-mail or can identify you in any other way so offer you support and advice. It may not be exactly confidential but as we can't identify you any further there is no point in us talking about you to anyone else. We can understand how you feel as many have been there themselves.

    My belief is that you need to place some trust in yourself ,heed the advice given to you on here, and go and see your doctor who had taken an oath to keep all that is told to him confidential. They will be able to give you the help and support that you need. Julie xx

  • The hardest thing in the world is to reach out and tell someone! The only person I trust since I trained as a counsellor is my gp. And do you know what, even she unwittingly has let me down, but do you know what, she isnt a god, shes human, and the way I see it, if she didnt care to some extent, she wouldnt be a gp. She used to see me with the kids,,, and I was always happy, keeping a big secret. I was suffering in silence, the level that you can bare. But when I crashed,,, I crashed big time. I lost my memory, I was in my most vulnerable time ever!! I didnt want people to see me, as I knew this wasnt me!!. I cried for hours, which seem minutes, the thought of taking my daughter to school and not remembering where to pick her up at the usual time. left me with fear!! So the only place I remember was, to head for the gp.

    What Im saying is, depression gets worse, as you leave it. Like i did. In the end you have to trust someone.

    The only way your going to combat this prejudiced, is to fck them and their attitudes, do they care about you, or pay your bills. No !!! are they important ,,,,NO so dont worrry about them.!!

    But one day,,, they will find out what depression is, because they will suffer one day.

    This change of attitude is only going to happen in time, not everyone is so ignorant. Your ill, like having tonsillitis.

    Accept this! Then you can move on.

    The gp will never talk, mine hasnt!!.

    If work is a worry, your doctor can say its stress related. If your ill, you cant be fired for being ill.

    So bite the bullet, make an appointment a double appointment, as you might need time to speak how you have been feeling. (not wanting to tell people and keeping yourself away from people is part of the illness.)

    You may have to try different drugs, to find out which ones work better, so do keep appointments. As its a chemical that is not being made in the brain, so they have to find the right chemical. Do keep the lines of communication open.

    If you feel worse, tell her, give it a month, for the tablets to take effect. then they might need raising month by month or changing.

    We are hear to help, we suffer do, but were dealing with living with it. Do things that make you happy. And like my clever son said to me, only care about those that care about you.xx

    Good luck and speak again



  • Mary please dont give up on people ! I did and I am a lonely 50 yr old now, having said that I enjoy the company of my Parrots¬ a Good thing about this site is no one knows who you are , they do not even know what sex you are unless you tell them! I feel safe talking on here where as I cant even talk to my DR so dont give up there will be someone you can trust! perhaps your DR? a fellow horse person ? a relative? if not write it down on paper and give it to a relative you trust stating you find it difficult to talk about it and tell them it is confidential ! all the best Derek !!

  • The hardest thing in the world is to ask for help. I have done it before and I have just tried again. The first time it was so scary and it didn't work out for me. I was terrified but my friend took me to see a GP and yes it ended badly but at least I tried. Now that I have moved away from there, I just went to see my GP here on Friday. Again, I was terrified but honestly, It was so much easier this time. She listened to the fact I didn't want antidepressants again and offered me an alternative solution.

    So even if you do tell someone and it doesn't work out right the first time. It is much easier the second time. To put it into perspective, it's like you learn to do something new, and the first time its hard, but then once you have accomplished it once, you find it easier to do it again.

    I too really struggle with trust. A GP has a legal obligation to keep patient confidentiality. You need to find a friend you can trust, and yes they can be hard to find but there are always people out there. If you think you can't and are starting to have really negative thoughts all the time or of harming yourself in any way then I would advise you to at least try telling a doctor who can't tell anyone. At least then you might find a solution to your problems or at least a better way to deal with them. I didn't ask for help then I started self harming. Now I can't stop on my own which is why I have asked for help. I regret it. I am a violinist and I have scars. If I ever perform, its all I think about. Ok so if people had listened and actually helped in the first place, perhaps I wouldn't have started. But If I had seeked help from the right person maybe I wouldn't have started either.

    So seriously, Get help before it is too late. The great thing about online groups is that its anonymous and no one will know who you are unless you want them to. So why not try that. Hope you feel better.

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