Need Help

[Walden80]

I have a loved one who is depressed and has PTSD from childhood and adult issues. Does anyone have resources on how a person can help?

My loved one has become very despondent and argumentative, and isolates herself from people. And to be honest, my approaches to help have not only failed (I have my own issues, too) but have made things worse for her. Im not s doctor and I am still trying to understand her problems.

I’m trying to find a resource where we can discuss a way through this, and empower her back into her old activities. She is very smart, loving, and capable, but she’s lost confidence in herself. How do I start this transition?

Thank you for your help.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Walden80, thank you for posting on this very caring and compassionate community. I was so sorry to read your post about your loved one and how she is suffering, you obviously care for her a lot and want to help. You seem to think that you are not helping but this is far from the truth, you are there for her and that means a lot.

Do you think you can persuade her to see someone, a health professional who can diagnose her and start to help her, that will be the beginning of the resources you talk about. Also on this site we have 'pinned posts' that can give you and her an insight into help. The members themselves are an excellent source of assistance too, because they understand where she is.

The very best of luck to you both on this journey.

Other members can you also support this caring new member?

[Cara78]

Start by giving her a cuddle and mean it. Look into her eyes and tell her she is worth it. U have to mean it 100% she'll feel it. U might have to do it more than once😊😙🤞

[Walden80 in reply to Cara78]

Will do. 😊

[Cara78 in reply to Walden80]

😉

[Cara78]

Encouragement all the way. Every human being wishes to be encouraged it's sown into us!

[Lolly9]

Hi Walden80

There in my mind I am wondering if you are my partner. He is experiencing exactly what you are.

It's strange writing this because I am the reason for him being in the same place as you are but yet I'm about to give you some advice, crazy hey.

Although maybe we can help one another. Just reading your post already makes me want to try even harder than I am to get better, obviously for me but also for him.

I can see you clearly love your girlfriend very much, you wouldn't be reaching out for help if you didn't, and you must know she knows you do. That may even be the problem sometimes. Whatever it is she's been through to be in the place she now is obviously causes her much hurt and pain, and usually when we feel like this we begin to self hate, to isolate ourselves from happy safe environments, in some ways I guess it's a form of self harm which I know is not nice to hear, nor does it make sense.

Your girlfriend is hurting deep inside and clearly going through much turmoil. Continue what you are doing, it will be enough and she will be grateful even if not shown but the best thing you can do for you is try to educate yourself on what depression, PTSD and anxiety is, what can cause it and what can trigger it, then I guess try to avoid though things where possible. It's not always going to be possible, some days she will just feel shit and probably for no particular reason but that's the power of mental illness at times.

What helps me feel better?

Support Group: I have recently joined a weekly support group. It's a safe environment to be in as to where I can be myself, relate, express and feel ok to feel how I do. There is no judgment, I can talk about anything even things I wouldn't talk about with my partner. It's a small group of around 5-7 when we all turn up so it's manageable. So maybe helping her find a local support group. You can usually find them online or at your local NHS Mental Health drop-in centre or local Crisis.

Walking: I love walking but someday I'm so panicked or down that I find it hard to move from one spot but my partner takes his time to be calm and slow with me. Usually results in him holding me in his arms and rocking me until im calm and can stand up, then manages to get me out. He'll never talk about what jist happened but is always happy to listen if I want to talk about it. We then walk it off until I feel better.

Persistence: be as you are you sound like you are already doing a great job. All you can really do is be there for her, keep showing her the love and care, some days she will really feel it and believe it and some days she may not but her subconscious will be storing all positive things that you show and share with her and she will know you mean it deep down inside. You'll be doing more than you'll know.

Self help: joining groups whether it be support groups, creative groups ie cooking, walking, swimming, pottery, painting, creative writing, there are many out there and free. Also a local drop-in centre for Mental Health as they usually have all the information in your area. Find a local help centre who specialises in PTSD and who can help find your girlfriend the correct help. I myself suffer from PTSD and went to a centre specialising in this and they had many courses, therapies, and self help advice. There are some amazing compassionate courses out there but if you find she doesn't want to be with others in a group environment, you also have audios books. Try 'Mindful Compassion' by Paul Gilbert comes in audio and in book form so whatever she might prefer and will listen to or read. This book really helps me, it has exercises in it that can really help. There's also a website called 'Mood Juice' which helps with past trauma, anxiety, depression and a few other things, again you can do exercises to help her through this.

The main things I find help are routine, eating well and regular, early mornings early nights, exercise and educating myself on my mental health issues.

All that said I have to want to do it to ever see any changes in myself. My want is sparked these days by seeing the toll and effect it has on my partner constantly and also that I'm sick and tired of feeling this way, so am doing all I can to try and change my patterns of life.

There are groups out there for you too, places where you can feel support and relate with others, also they are good opportunities to share advice. Again you can find on the website and at local Mental Health drop-in centres.

When my partner decided he wanted to learn more about my condition of manic depression, acute anxiety, body dismorphia, and PTSD he said he watched YouTube videos, he said there is a lot of information out there which has helped him to try and understand.

I also sent him this as I felt I could relate to the explanation of feelings within depression youtu.be/-eBUcBfkVCo(Not working as expected?) Andrew Solomon has a great way of explaining things.

Anyway I hope this all helps and please if you want to continue this conversation feel free to ask any questions anytime.

Best of luck, she's very lucky to have someone who really cares about her as much as you do, as am I to have my partner.