Rock bottom.

[Sapphire3]

I've just had to talk to a dictophone because I have no-one to talk to that I feel would understand me. I'd call Samaritans but I feel stupid. I started on Anti-depressants 2 weeks ago. If anything my anxiety's got worse and I've started developing new symptoms. I've completely lost my identity, I don't know who I am anymore. My boyfriend's about to break up with me, I'm convinced of it. My boyfriend's my world and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and if I lose him, which I will, I feel like I'll be losing my future as well as my current identity. He gave me a future to look forward to, something I hadn't had before. I've had enough, I can't function. i can't concentrate on my uni work. Everything's falling apart. I don't want to be here - I've never felt this so strongly until now. I'm so scared I'm going to have a panic attack, I don't want to end up in the hospital for the second time this week. I feel so hopeless. I feel so anxious. I really need to do something. Usually I'd get blind drunk, but with the tablets I'm on I can't anymore, as I've learnt. I've binge eaten and I'm still not satisfied, I feel so restless, but can't concentrate on anything. I don't know what to do, but I don't want to do anything stupid.

[dontgiveup]

Please hang in their,it won't always be so bad. Coming on here and talking about it is a positive step, I know how hard it can be to talk about it.

It usually takes a couple weeks before you feel any benefit of the medication. Try and give it another week but if you think it's making you worse speak to ur gp asap.

Don't let it win.

speak soon

georgina xx

[Gambit62]

Good to hear that you don't want to do anything stupid. And really good to hear that you aren't going to drink - alcohol is a depressive anyway. It may numb the pain for a while but it just makes things worse.

You sound as if your levels of anxiety are really high and when that happens, my experience, including talking to people who aren't depressed as well about times when they were very upset, is that thinking about death is a pretty common response. However, it's an incredibly scary one. Unfortunately though some of us get stuck in a loop where the more distressing the thoughts of being dead or 'doing something silly' are the more the thoughts come. It's not silly - it's just one of the tricks that our subconscious plays on us ... and it is something you can break out of because I managed to get out of that place.

Please do ring the Samaritans and talk through things with someone on the phone - it isn't silly - it is what they are there for and you won't be taking time away from someone else because they are there to help and right now you are the one that needs help. Your thoughts are going around in ever decreasing circles and being alone with them is the last thing you need right now.

[Hidden in reply to Gambit62]

I agree with this, a really sensible response.

[1darkangel]

The antidepressant do take about 4 to 6 weeks to fully start working and at first can cause an increase in anxiety but hang in there and try and be patient until they start to make you feel better. If it is too much to deal with go to see your Doctor and tell them and they might give you a short term supply of medication to help you sleep until your mood lifts.

[surf-fan]

Hi please contact the Samaritans they are brilliant . I felt like you , felt it silly to contact them and feeling I would be wasting their time as my problems were not bad enough . until recently when I phoned them , they were amazing and really helped me . they obviously couldn't change anything but made me feel supported , important and not alone in my struggle . I hope you begin to feel better soon . also know that you are not alone .

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hey sapphire. How have you been feeling today?