That was the last comment I made on my blog yesterday, as I had been really struggling to find a way of being positive about the final run of Week 5.
It took me a long while (I've been grappling with it since I checked Week 5 out last week) but, with the help of many of the kind folk on this site, I finally got my head right late yesterday evening and set out this morning quite hopeful, rather than despondent.
The alarm went off at 5 am and as is my wont, I was up and out the door in ten minutes, pleased to see the expected frost hadn't materialised and made the ground icy. One of the decisions I'd made was to revert to Laura instead of my late practice of compiling an appropriately timed playlist, and so through my ears came the familiar tones, explaining what was in store.
"As if I don't feckin' know ya cow", I said out loud. To myself!
After the warm up walk I set off, keeping to my usual pace. I've been fortunate in that I've had little or no pains, twinges or aches in my legs so far but noticed them complaining almost immediately this time, however after a couple of minutes I put it down to my mind playing tricks on me and once ignored, the soreness eased off.
When Laura came on to tell me I'd done five minutes, I felt so good (it seemed to come so quickly) that my confidence got a real boost. By the time she told me I was halfway through and I'd turned for home, I already knew I was going to be okay. Then she made a comment that made me glad of my decision to revert to her podcast (and why I titled this blog as I did) as despite the fact that I've said it myself often and read it on this site even more, it really hit home. It really IS mental.
It was that bit where she says that your body has been trained to do the run but this was about training your mind for the longer distances. It struck me that you can tell yourself something time and time again and even know it to be true but until you experience it, it's not real.
It was now very real to me. That also applies to when I've read people say they find the second half of the long runs easier. I have to say I couldn't for the life of me see how that could be so, once again, I do now.
When the lovely lady told me I'd done fifteen minutes, I actually started to ruminate on carrying on past the 20 and notching another five minutes, that's how good I felt. Even when her 18 minute timecheck coincided with a slight niggle from my achilles, I considered doing the 25 but decided that because as I mentioned, I'd had no problems with my legs whilst actually running before, I decided to heed the advice of those who say I should listen to my body and dropped the idea, opting instead to try and sprint (okay, maybe sprint is a slight exaggeration) the last minute or so, so speed up I did.
As I slowd to a walk and it was done, my first almost involuntary reaction was a huge smile. I was so delighted, not only to complete it but at how it had gone. The smile was then replaced by what may have looked to the casual observer like a show of emotion, however I assure you it was only sweat that had rolled down my face and into my eyes.
It really did mean that much to me.
So now I've finally checked out Week 6 and can understand why so many have said they found it the toughest of the lot (see the poll) as the last thing I want to do is stop and start. Already I'm thinking of repeating what I did for the first two runs of Week 5 and going off piste a bit, by doing two straight 20 minute runs instead of what's asked in runs 1 and 2, followed by the required 25 minutes for run 3.
What a difference a day makes, eh?