Today I completed my third run of week 4. In a fit of self-assurance, I decided to run up the big scary hill at the beginning of my route, rather than walk up and begin my podcast from the top. About halfway up the hill, when my chest started constricting, I realized I had forgotten to use my inhaler before my run began. But I figured it would just be good practice to keep plodding along.
It was a bit of a plod, to be honest. I missed the euphoric glee from feeling like I could run no problem that I had in previous runs. Even so, I managed the whole run, and tried to improve on my time a bit. I am so slow, that I hardly go any farther with the running than I did in the same time walking. I guess the speed will come with time.
So now all I have to do is rest up, wash my running clothes, and not psych myself out for week 5. Going from 3 minutes to 5 minutes wasn't bad. But 5 to 20 in one week? Deeep breath. In.... Out.... I can do this. And if I can't, well, I will just try again until I do. It must be doable or the program wouldn't have it.
Frank Herbert put it well in "Dune": I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
When the 20 minute run has gone past, I will turn my wheezing, panting body to see its path (and map my run). Where the fear is gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain, with my sense of victory and triumph.