W4: I hate my brain but I am starting to love my calfs

[venturieta]

That was the most difficult week since the first one. Getting started is not easy: inertia, as we well know, is difficult to overcome. However, as the workouts progressed, I started to enjoy the routine of leaving home to exercise.

But Week 4 was difficult in a way that I honestly wasn't expecting. And I know it has less to do with the increase in running time and more to do with my mental health - my doubts about myself now have this burden of stress to which we are subjected. My insomnia came back with a vengeance. And leaving the house to run this week was to fight a very powerful voice that kept screaming in my ears: "you will not be able to complete the workout". Even today, having completed the previous ones, in the middle of the last five minutes of jogging, I was absolutely sure that I would have to stop, that I would have to walk the rest of the time, that I was not doing well. And yet every time I told myself I was going to stop, at the same time I refused to do it. "I'm going to run until the app tells me to stop." "I am more stubborn than my stupid, derrotist brain." And in the end, I did it.

Today is exactly one month since I started the program. Here in Brazil we say that the year only begins after Carnaval. When March started, I thought: I will try to run in the park three times a week, who knows if by the middle of the year I will be able to enroll in a 5K event. So much has happened in the world (and with me) since then. But I keep running. And I am still healthy, probably more healthier that I was a month ago. As difficult as the process of getting off the couch and trying to run is, I realize how privileged I am for being able to do that with all that is happening right now. And I am grateful (I am not religious, but I have found myself thanking my body, my will and even the universe, I guess) for this.

Next: the infamous week five.

[Blackshoe76 Graduate]

Well done venturieta! It sounds like week 4 was a real challenge! And you successfully faced it! Well done!!! 👏🏆🍾

[venturieta Graduate in reply to Blackshoe76]

Thanks! It really was.

[UnfitNoMore Graduate]

Stubbornness can be a great asset 🤣. Great job on a tough week. The voices telling you that you can’t do this are, as you’ve proven, liars. They don’t go away quickly... but they can be replied to! Some call the voices a central governor, trying to avoid getting injured by avoiding pain, and while many scientists don’t agree with this theory, I do think there’s something in it! One day the voices will switch tactics... you’ll be on your rest day and they’ll be saying “let’s go run” so loudly!

With everything going on in the world it would be so easy to stop... but it’s also a big reason why we shouldn’t... being fitter and healthier with a good respiratory system is pretty handy right now... and that fitness increases so quickly on this plan.

Well done for keeping going through this week... relax, be proud, and just tell those voices “you were wrong... and I can do week 5 too”

[venturieta Graduate in reply to UnfitNoMore]

Thank you for your kind response. It's really tough to rationalize with yourself when you have to run, breathe correctly and all that. But today I was able to do it, and if I am not happy with the results, I'm quite proud for finishing week 4.

[Weavil Graduate]

Well done Venturieta. A brilliant piece of writing that sums up all our struggles (internal and external) at this time. Congratulations for keeping going. And the brain does do 'wonderful' things sometimes...

Keep at it, you're doing an excellent job!

[venturieta Graduate in reply to Weavil]

Thanks! I hope my brain will be as kind as you all are to me someday.

[Hidden]

Parabéns! I look forward to hearing how you have get on.

[venturieta Graduate in reply to Hidden]

Muito obrigada!

[ladymacbeth01]

I have only just completed week 1. I hope my stubborn brain can keep me pushing like yours. Well done 👏👏👏

[venturieta Graduate in reply to ladymacbeth01]

I am not so ahead of you. No matter how hard this week was for me, I knew I was going to leave the house and try to run. This was not obvious at all in the first week: I was constantly doubting myself, I thought it was one of my many failed attempts to exercise. My brain tried to argue with me saying that I was ridiculous, that I am not an athlete. And now, a month later, I can run for sixteen minutes, double the first week!

I am still not an athlete, but wow.

I wish you luck and a lot of stubbornness too.

[grumpyoldgirl Graduate]

On the forum, we often call those negative voices our gremlins. Well you showed those gremlins that they are not in charge. You are. Well done!

And thank you for a beautiful, insightful post.

[venturieta Graduate in reply to grumpyoldgirl]

Thanks, I loved it. From now on I will incorporate the term 'gremlins' into my vocabulary when I speak of running.

[grumpyoldgirl Graduate in reply to venturieta]

😁👍