I'm having a bit of a love/hate relationship with running.
I don't like struggling with anything which means I can be a perfectionist, I've never been a person that enjoys physical exertion of any kind. I'm naturally inclined to be lazy. That's my default "happy" setting. Therefore in my mind, I've always associated physical effort with feeling the opposite of "happy", my negative bias was set.
That's something I'm learning to unlearn now since I started this journey.
I'm learning that I like achieving goals and I like getting better at things even more.
I like the feeling I get when I've finished a run, knowing that I endured a constant battle with my mind especially when I'm not in the mood for it, telling me to stop, telling me I'm having a panic attack and just walk the rest, my calves ache, I can stop if I want, do it tomorrow, do it another time, catch up next week, fob it off. I'm good at that. Justifying all of the reasons that I should take the easy way out and face the difficulties another day.
I'm learning that if you push yourself when you don't think you can anymore, it becomes easier. Halfway through my run my calves don't ache anymore. And it'll be like that again, but maybe less than halfway through my run next time.
6 weeks ago I struggled to run for 60 seconds straight. Infact when I did my 90 second run some of you read about how I had a panic attack because I thought it was too much. Week three was hell. Week 5 was both terrifying and triumphant.
Today I'm running for 25 minutes straight with a sprint for 60 seconds at the end.
Don't ask me how I'm doing sprints after 24 minutes of running, because I don't know how. I had a stitch today and told myself I will slow down for the last 60 seconds but for some reason when I heard Jo say the word "sprint" my legs took off and it was over before I knew it.
This is so much more than getting out there and getting fit. This is a psychological challenge. I'm training my brain to think better, to think positive. Some of the time whilst I'm running, especially if I'm tired and my legs don't want to anymore, I don't "like" the physical act of running but I do really like being ABLE to run. The moments where I lose myself in the music and just absorb my surroundings are getting longer and more enjoyable. That wouldn't be happening if I wasn't able to run.
I think I love this.