Husband thinks I'm boring

[condaw10]

Thanks to my sister in law who graduated a few months ago, I was really motivated by her and now I'm on w6r1. I'm so pleased with myself to get this far, yet my husband thinks I'm boring, I think it's because he feels he's lost his alcohol drinking partner. I really can't drink alcohol the night before I do a run and he doesn't get it. In some ways it's made me more determined to finish and go further on. Has anyone else had these vibes off their partners or is it just mine.

[Slinkyminky Graduate]

Used to have an ex partner who was like that; hence very much an ex!

Is he normally supportive etc? If he is then it may be a touch of jealousy that he's not also doing it and still set in his normal rut.

Maybe suggest he does couch to 5k too? So you can both have a healthier future.

[Noaky12 Graduate]

Not on the no drinking front as hubby doesn't drink anyway so he's more than happy on that aspect but he does accuse me of being a running bore & doing nothing but talk about running. He shows no interest at all in coming to support me at any running events.

Well done on getting to w6 thats fab progress. Good luck with the rest of the plan. Oh & fantastic pic too! ☺

[Realfoodieclub Graduate]

It's sometimes hard on partners when there is a change of lifestyle. I always think a little give and take, when I started I used to ask Mr Rfc what going out plans were for the week and wiggle my runs to fit in. Nowadays I'm happy to have 2 small (125ml) glasses of wine before a run and I can make them last for hours if I need to for the sake of my run. Since Jan we have both been cutting down to hardly any and that has made organising my runs so much easier. It will,probably feel like a big change for him, as time went on my hubby was just so pleased for me because running has brought to much to my life he's more likely to ask when I'm running to work his schedule around myruns now a days, but sometimes it takes a while to adjust.

[givman]

he s the boring one love!!

dump him and marry a runner...im available !! lololol

[melly4012 Graduate]

Well done for getting to week 6!

Sorry to hear that you don't feel so supported. You will have lots of support here if you need it! Like Slinky says, could you perhaps suggesting doing some running together with your husband? You're doing the right thing by being healthy and lots of people have running as their 'thing' and time to themselves so maybe you could frame it to him like that?

[Irish-John Graduate]

When only one person changes in a relationship, the entire relationship changes. Whether that's good, bad or neutral I can't comment. My own experience is that I feel a hell of a lot better about myself since starting running and am less prone to be taken advantage of. Just my tuppence worth though.

[Curlygurly2 Graduate]

As RFC says, little changes, share a glass or two with him, and gently point out that it's only 3 nights out of 7...

[ju-ju- Graduate]

He should join you, sounds like he needs it!!!

[LonelyWalker Graduate]

I went one step further before I started and stopped drinking completely last year. My husband really didn't appreciate that either! I've tried to get him involved in running but he is resolutely stubborn and tells me off for pressuring him. He tells me off a lot!

But the running has made me as a person so much stronger and not just in my body. It has changed me for the better and it will you too, believe in yourself and rise above it. My husband lumps it now and doesn't complain nearly as much, hopefully you can find a stable point too.

[Hillrunner2201]

I have experienced pretty much the same as this! However, it helped when he had to stop drinking temporarily for a medical problem. We both really needed to move on from drinking 3-4 nights a week and he's lost 2 inches from his waist just from doing this.

[rammsteinqueen Graduate]

I don't drink much at all - think I have had 3 drinks so far this year boyfriend doesn't drink either. If he is that bothered about it then I would suggest to him you have a drink with him the evening before you don't run the next day. He should support you though, not call you "boring"!

[GoogleMe Graduate]

If someone finds it difficult that what someone else has in their glass isn't alcoholic... they are the ones with the problem (or maybe he's worried he'll drink 'your share'... I've seen that problem but developed strategies to help) But it might be worth trying to make sure that the *time* together isn't compromised.

I didn't have support from my husband who had said before "There's only one thing worse that cross country running and that's cross country runners" - and actually he's not wrong there. For years it wasn't just that I wasn't well enough to run but the impression I got from within my own family and beyond of the running mentality was not a good one, not one I wanted to be part of. And still don't. Thankfully, I found the NHS C25K podcasts which showed me the way I wanted to go.

I was definitely not going to be one of those people whose conversation was all about fitness... but my husband used to get up and leave the room if I even mentioned running.

Things are much better now. I think he is proud (and envious - because he needs to do it) of my weight loss and I've heard him telling other people that I run. I prioritise going for a walk with him over going for a run. I go swimming (which I find deathly dull) because he will swim, if I go etc etc. It's actually a bit like Sisyphus and the stone because he has 1001 excuses (and a few reasons) not to do things. I have said that I need to look after my health to be well enough to look after him when his risks come home to roost...

There is no doubt that change, even a positive change like running, presents challenges and the outcome may not always be 100% cosy. Spotlights can be shone in previously dark corners of relationships.... and I am sure it is true that couch potatoes can become the selfish fitness fiends I find so offputting.

Clearly your husband is the wrong place to look for support with your running. Fortunately you have this forum which makes, in my experience, a more than acceptable substitute.

[pollyp1 Graduate]

I haven't but I used to work with problem drinkers and it's very common, if both partners drink, for one partner to try and sabotage if the other starts to change their drinking behaviour for the better. You're right - he probably feels he's losing his partner in crime; but that is his issue, not yours. Stay focused on what you want and what is important to you. He'll either eventually come with you on your new journey, or he won't. Regardless you need to do what is right for you without any assumptions about whether he will change or not. Good luck, rooting for you!

[ench0 Graduate]

Time to change the husband, running is what matters JK Hope he'll come around, it could be just jealousy as someone mentioned earlier.

[mcgurranhouse Graduate]

Fortunately mine started the programme just before I did so we didn't have that problem. However he is now semi-injured and runs slower than me so he seems to prefer to run without me which is sad

[ench0 Graduate in reply to mcgurranhouse]

It is actually easier if each does it at their own pace. You might have a bad day, or your husband might have an injury, so if you only run together both of you will miss the schedule. If your training day aligns, running together might be seen as occasional benefit, but it is safer to stick to your own time/schedule.

[mcgurranhouse Graduate in reply to ench0]

That is very true - when he is at his best he is much faster than me - Parkrun PB 23.22 but when he isn't feeling great - 27.58 - I think it is demoralising when I am running ahead of him! I just like his company - a bit sad after 26 years of marriage!

[condaw10 Graduate]

Thanks everyone for your replies, it's great to know people are on here for support. I think a lot of you are right and its a bit of envy because he knows deep down he should be doing some sort of exercise himself and isn't, he can't do running because he has bad knee problems but he has mentioned cycling but not actually done anything about it yet. Also I agree that my lifestyle is changing and hopefully like Realfoodieclub said with time it will become more normal to him.

[misswobble Graduate]

I have this scenario but I just do my running and don't involve him. I gave up drinking too while my husband drinks my share these days. I think maybe they might prefer things to be about them. You stick to your guns, just crack on with things. He either comes round or he doesn't, sadly😕 it is disappointing though

[Pilgrimrunner]

Well I'm teetotal. It's a waste of money and time.

He's just chaffing because your empowering yourself...I bet if you look in other areas he perhaps tries to control you. Beware of him sabotaging you, planning nights out, parties etc.

I once knew a woman who was desperate to loose weight for medical reasons, her husband sabotaged her because he liked her down and depressed.

Be strong.