HECKLE COMPLAINT!!

OK. We have the stereotypical white van man. The ubiquitous builders. And I suppose in some areas, the "Ok yah" brigade. These dastardly folk can be known to spout forth rude comments to the ladies out running, despite the offending swine never once referring to their own ghastly, overweight, greasy existence.

It may be because I'm confident in my appearance, but I NEVER say anything negative to anyone out in the street. If anything I am the complete opposite. Whilst out walking the other day to look at the crowds and funsters around Twickenham Stadium on the opening day of the World Cup, Mrs Dan and I passed a chap putting a sign up outside his house. It was a roughly made affair - a cardboard box, opened up into a big square which he had nailed to a post. On the cardboard he had written - "Rugby Parking Β£15". How enterprising of him I thought. Earning a few quid for the use of his drive. I cheerily said to him "Eh mate! You should charge twenty!" to which he laughed his head off!

I DIDN'T say ; "Β£15 quid? You 'avin' a laugh mate?" or anything else in the negative arena. Why? Because I like to think I'm a nice person.

But I do get annoyed at being left out. Three times per week I take my well toned, slim and fit body out along the Thames clad in lycra and have NEVER ONCE had a heckle from a lady!! Where are all the lady van drivers smoking fags, leering at us chaps? Where are the lady builders in Hi Viz and big white helmets shouting things like "Oy oy savaloy! Nice arse!" or "Is that a canoe in your tights or are you just pleased to see me! Waaaahh haaahahaa!!! Goooooo'on my son!" ????

Actually, I jest. I would hate it. I once decided to take up pilates because my GP said it would be good for back. I joined a class locally, in Richmond and it turned out I was the only geezer there! Not one of the ladies talked to me over the 6 week period. I tried conversing with them (being a friendly chap don't you know) but they were too involved in their own sex to bother with me. I felt intimidated oddly. I then thought - "This is what women must feel like when they're amongst male dominated groups" - and it made me re assess things. How hard it must be for ladies in this situation. Of course there are stronger types who don't bat an eyelid at this sort of thing, but us sensitive types need a bit of lurrrrve!!! I wasn't getting any lurrrrve at the pilates group, so I left!

Then I took up running. BOOM!

But ladies, don't pay any attention to the wan***s who heckle. They're probably taking a drag on their fag as they're saying it, booking themselves an early ticket to their local A&E Heart Attack Ward! Where as YOU....YOU are doing summat. YOU are lengthening your life. YOU are getting healthier. YOUR bum is getting more pert (I've seen evidence). And your children will thank you when you're older because you'll still be around to enjoy their lives! You won't be the ones gasping for breath in a hospital bed because your 60 a day Players No. 10's have torn your lungs to shreds at aged 59!

So once again ladies, I take my hat off to you for getting out into the fresh air and doing something positive towards a better YOU. Keep doing it. I'm your biggest fan!!

See you by the Thames soon. I'll be the one with a bum like a peach, legs of steel and a big smile on my face!

Yer pal

Dan.

22 Replies

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  • Well said!! I just learn to ignore now!!

  • Don't quite know how to respond to your post but yes, I laughed out loud! As a lady myself, I have been running for around 3 months and have never been heckled so not sure it happens much. Even builders and white van men seem to be civilised in Northamptonshire, even the refuse collectors just say "good morning"!

    I trust your toned physique could attract the attention of a group of women outside the pub anytime soon though, so please report back in for our amusement! πŸ˜€. Julie

  • Ah Dan, just because we don't shout out doesn't mean we don't notice and appreciate! πŸ˜‰

  • I for one certainly take good note of any runners of the opposite gender . . . Alas in my people carrier lugging a small army of children behind me in the car, a heckle from me would not have the desired effect :)

  • I noticed your peachy bum the very first time I met you πŸ˜‰

  • spot on dan :D well said

  • The difference Dan, as we know on this forum, is you are a total gentleman and always will be. The sort that heckle are anything but. You will never be uttered in the same category. After all your our Dan. X.

  • Awwwwww what a lovely post xx

    By the way "nice bum"

  • Thank you Dan. :)

  • Great post

    Look out next time you're on that Thames pathway - I'm sure us girls could organise a flash-heckle for you!!

  • Brilliant stuff Dan, made me laugh ! I should confess that some of us ladies do 'windowshop' as it were but we are more subtle about it !!

  • Haha, I bet all the ladies are appreciating your toned derriere as you run past, even if they don't say it out loud... ;-)

    I have to say paragraph 4 made me laugh out loud! Very witty.

    Thanks for making me laugh! :-D

  • Of course you look fab in your running gear Dan! a fine figure of a man! :) we're just too shy to say so!! :)

  • Aaaaw!! How canny are you pet?! Lush post pet!! Come and run in Warwickshire so I can have a nosey at ya Lycra!!!! ;)

  • Great amusing post but with a serious message.

    Never been heckled but think it would knock my confidence.

    Jukes xx

  • You have a beautiful bottom, Dan. Not as beautiful as mine though.

    Heckling is unfortunately just one of those things that happens occasionally, I just ignore it.

    Though I remember a particularly surreal incident, ages ago, when I was walking (not running) on Clapham Common and man shouted at me 'Cerda! Cerda!' [followed by snorting noises, then in case I didn't understand Spanish] 'Piggy! Piggy!' A bit rude, no?

    Can't think why I am recalling pig-related incidents, today of all days.

  • Oh my god! That's so unbelievable! I would have jogged over to him pointed to him laughed and gone "heart attack! heart attack!" Then showed him your rather lovely bottom as you jogged away in your civvies!

  • There is nobody up a 05:00 to heckle me :)

  • Me too! 4am! Although I did once when I went out about 5am have a lovely gentleman move off the path for me and clap me as I ran past and cheered for me.....I almost burst into tears right there!

  • Don't tell me you didn't edit those tags.

  • Damn.....busted.

  • As always Dan I love you posts they make me chuckle.....I am up and out running at about 4am so there's no bugger around to heckle me they're all in bed πŸ˜„

    However I can assure you you're Lycra clad and toned bum does not go a miss with us ladies we are merely more polite than to shout rude things we merely will have a very good ogle....so have faith your rather lovely bottom is being ogled πŸ˜„

    Ps what was going on in that Pilates class? What a bunch of stuck up cows! If I saw a bloke join a Pilates class I'd be straight over to him and introduce myself.

    thats what I think to myself when I see people running.....whether it's men or women old or young fast or slow - your gonna be around to see your grandkids and that's what's most important ❀️

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