I lost my mum!

I lost my mum over Christmas which is horrendous and still very raw :( - The last time I ran I was up to week 9 which was three weeks ago, I thought right I will go and run some anger out today and only managed 5mins!!!!! I don't know if it's just because I'm exhausted (not getting much sleep as you will appreciate) or can I really be I've lost what I've gained in three weeks! I want to get back into as running gives me much needed Time to reflect at the moment :(


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26 Replies

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  • I am so sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and the family.

    As for losing fitness - part of it will be exhaustion from lack of sleep, and part of it will be exhaustion simply because it is hard work to grieve. It takes very little to knock athletic performance down, so it's not surprising that you don't feel as fit as you did three weeks ago.

    Given that you were on week 9 with 30 minutes uninterrupted run, I would suggest you slow right down and jog slowly for as long as you can. Slowly. Based on that, pick an appropriate week number for restarting your exercise. And remember - you've got a lot on your plate, and running is meant to be good for you. So don't use your apparent stepback as a reason to beat yourself up, but instead give yourself permission to take it as easy as you need to.

    I hope you manage to get rid of some of the anger and sadness. My thoughts are with you.

  • This is a lovely answer Tomas and the best of advice.

  • What a perfect reply, Tomas.

    Tanya, what you have been through must have been a huge trauma, and that twinned with lack of sleep ... no wonder you are exhausted.

    Be kind to yourself and don't lose heart - I'm sure your mum would want you to take time for yourself and get back up to strength, which you will in time. Keep your pecker up - and keep posting as you will always get loads of support here x

  • I could not have said it better, what Tomas said exactly. Just wanted to add on my sincere apologies and condolences, don't let running add to your difficult time, but just allow it to be theraputic, doesn't matter if its 5 mins or a 1 min, as long as it helps you.

  • Exactly. Take care of yourself...best wishes.

  • I am so sorry for you loss Tanya. Heed Tomas' advice, it's good, and be gentle with yourself. Let us know how you're getting on x

  • I'm so sorry to hear that, how sad. Be gentle with yourself, you have a lot on your plate at the moment, a gentle jog is probably good for you, but pushing yourself too hard won't help, especially as you are tired and probably not eating as well as you might. A good fast walk would probably be just as good, running will wait.. how about going back a few weeks as Tomas suggested, you'll feel better if you achieve a slower run that if you don't do so well a a faster one. Hugs xx

  • Look after yourself. I too think is Tomas spot-on.. Hugsx

  • I'm going to say something a bit different: I reckon that the next time you go out, you might surprise yourself and I see no reason to go back in the programme even if it takes you a few more sessions to get three 30 minute runs completed. I'd agree that pushing your speed is likely to be counter-productive (much as I am sure we can all empathise with the urge to run away fast for a while from all the difficult emotions with which you are inevitably struggling just now)

  • Oh goodness me I am so sorry for your loss :( Sending lots of love to you and your family.

    Tomas' advice is very good indeed and he is right that grieving in itself is an exhaustive process. So be very gentle with yourself and just ease back into your running slowly if you feel like it's going to help. You don't need the extra stress of overdoing it and ending up hurting yourself at a time like this.

    And on the other hand, it's okay to take a break too. You can always pick it up again when you feel ready.

    Take good care of yourself. xxx

  • Just adding my condolences and agreeing with everyone else.

    Look after yourself x

  • So sorry to hear about your mum, it must be really hard to focus on anything let alone exercise. I'm with Tomas too, great advice, don't be too hard on yourself. Sending you condolences , keep strong and work through your feelings.

  • My deepest sympathies to you and your family , a really tough time for you :( Thomas reply is spot on , dont be so hard on yourself :)

  • Just adding my condolences to everybody else's - truly sorry for your loss.

    I really wouldn't worry about your speed or distance at the moment, but I really *would* keep running - like you say in your post it is brilliant to give you some headspace and for me running has been a time when I can allow the thoughts and feelings from serious trauma to kind of exist in my head without them actually knifing me - I don't know why; repetitive physical movement does seem to help you look at your feelings more calmly and objectively. And even if it doesn't and you weep the whole way round, it's time spent looking after yourself, and that is VITAL at the moment.

    Keep going, and be kind to yourself.

  • I am so sorry - I too lost my mother suddenly over the Christmas period, over 20 years ago and it still causes a pang. Do make sure you look after yourself. Running is a great way to give yourself some head space and work of some of the anger - but go slow. Really slow. Endurance is the key here. Going slow for longer will make you feel so much better than dashing off too fast. That will just burn you out and add frustration on top of everything else. A long slow run will help release endorphins, which will be good for you just at present, so don't stop running, but slow your speed and shorten your pace. Try running in the rain, too. Sounds perverse, but I have often found defying the elements helps me when other things have all started to get too much.

    Do take care of yourself.

  • Just adding my condolences to you and your family.

    Losing a parent, or anyone close, is a hard time. You heve to do what you feel like and take things slowly, day by day. Some days will be better than others, running - along with other things that will occur - will affect you in ways you won't imagine till you're going through it. Focus on good days and events like a good run and put bad ones behind you.

    And as someone else said, we're all here for help and support. I'm sure there's a lot of us here who've been there.

  • Aw pet! very sorry to hear about your loss. You need to listen to your body and give it what it needs. When I lost my dear Daddy six years ago I slept and slept and slept. All the feelings can be very difficult to handle and I find that running tends to bring stuff to the surface very quickly. I think then that the five minutes was enough for you. Take things at your pace sometimes as well you just might feel agitated and find it hard to settle to one thing. I was like that. its ok to flit from one thing to another. You will settle down in time.

    May I again offer you my sincere condolences and can I wish you peace and contentment.

  • I'm so sorry to hear that Tanya and wanted to add my condolences and best wishes to those in the previous posts.

  • Aaaaw bless you. Sending huge virtual hugs. I lost mine just over a year ago. It's awful. I often think of mine as I run, and end up running with tears streaming, but I know she would be so proud of me, like yours would be of you. Be kind to yourself. Take one day at a time and don't be afraid to cry, shout, rant, do what you need to. Huge hugs. Thinking of you. Xxxxx

  • Totally agree. I lost my mum 24 years and my dad 20 years ago, but still the strangest things get to me. There was a picture/meme on FB a while ago that said a robin Is a lost loved one watching over you. My running route along the towpath is full of them at the moment, including at least one or two tame enough to eat from my hand. I'd like to think there's some truth and that's my folks looking down on me - and probably having a good old laugh!

    (Just edited that cos I clearly can't count after a glass of port!)

  • thanks for everyone's kinds words - I'm going to try again tomorrow xxx

  • Sorry for your loss. At times like these it's whatever works for you. Treat yourself with some TLC one day you might feel like a run on another day a long soak in the bath. At week nine you have built up a good basis for running memory. Just be mindful that a tired body can injure a little easier and don't push yourself too hard.

  • So very sorry for your loss. I'm sure your pain resonates with all of us who have lost loved ones. It will get better but it is a bumpy road. I hope that the running will bring you some solace. At the minute it really doesn't matter how long or how fast.

    All good wishes to you and your family.

  • So sorry for your loss.

    Take care of yourself, and I hope you find some kind of solace soon. Concentrate on all the good times you had with her. Virtual hugs xx

  • Thanks everyone - I'm going to see her tomorrow :( xxxxx - it's so nice to talk to strangers as there is no influence or opinion - thanks everyone xxx

  • Best Wishes Hun, when it gets tough take it one breath at a time. x

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