I thought I'd write up my weekly running report whilst I listen to some boring, dullard of a footballer talk about himself and saying things like "obviously, like I said, at the end of the day I seen myself as a footballer at the end of the day...." (Give me strength.....)
Anyway, the first run of the week was on Tuesday morning.....
Our investment banker friend was over from Zurich with his wife and came over for drinkies at ours last saturday night. "I'm gonna come with you on your next run Dan" he said. "Are you sure?" I replied "I go damned early in the morning"...."How early?" he asked....."6.30am!" He assured me this was NO PROBLEM! So we planned on a meeting point at which we would then do a 5K together. The wine flowed and much merriment was had by all and as they left to go home, we shook hands on the Tuesday run. On MOnday I night I texted my chum to see if he was still up for it the next morning and if he wanted to bow out then that wouldn't be a problem - "I'm in!" he replied. So that was that.
Tueday morning arrived and I dragged myself out of bed at 6am, nearly threw up at the smell of cat food as I mashed up Oscar and Tallula's meaty breakfast. I was drinking my cranberry juice and chomping on a few sweet dates when my phone went 'Bzzzz". It was a text from my friend. "Sorry Dan. You were right. It's way too early and I know it's lame but I'm gonna swerve this one. Sorry!" HA! Ah well, not to worry. Obviously I am made of sterner stuff (he is 18 years younger than me too and ran the London Marathon this year!). I set off and grabbed the 5K by the short and curlies and gave it what for! It was ICY COLD and I had gloves and a woollen beanie hat on, but I felt GREAT! Can't remember the time I ran it in, but I was pleased I managed to venture out in the dark, cold morning whilst my yellow bellied pal snored in his pit! HAha!
Thursday morning was much harder. I felt s*it having embibed too much glorious grape juice the previous evening. I dragged myself out the door and could only manage 3K as I felt tired and leaden. But at least I did a small run before setting off to work.
Sunday morning - this very morning - the weather was glorious! Sunny, cold but not so cold that I had to wear gloves and hat. I set off late, on my planned 7K route along the river. All was going well for the first 2K until I realised I was having a Gentlemen's Problem. Somehow, despite all the tight lycra I was wearing, my Gentlemen's tackle had slid to the left and was making running a tad uncomfortable. What I needed to do was to manually adjust my most intimate area, but there were so many runners and walkers out because the weather was so nice, I didn't want to look like some sort of pervert - so I battled on! BY the third K I was saying to myself "This is ridiculous! I can't run whilst Wally Weener is locked in the wrong position. It's time for an adjustment".
The path ahead was clear. Nobody was coming towards me. It was time to delve inside my lower garments and carry out Operation Free Willy! It took literally seconds and before long I was smiling from ear to ear as comfort had been restored to my Gentlemen's area. I was going dead slow today - well slow for me - as I wanted to really enjoy the run in the sunny cold air and not get all heavy legged. I made it home in 42 minutes and I wasn't too much out of breath. The "incident" had only briefly interrupted a beautiful run in the sun, so that was fine.
So there we have it,. My running week. Thanks for reading and don't forget chaps, make sure everything is sitting in the right place before setting off! Then life will be grand! Hahaha!