Just thought i would pop in and say hi to everyone. Also thought it might be nice to do a little update in the hope that it might in some strange way help somebody.
I had chemo feb 2014 after a very quick diagnosis. People who have read my posts will know that i didnt really have a nice time at all during chemo and it left me with loads of issues. The health and fatigue issues that follow chemo are something that i think we all find very frustrating, we all think the day chemo ends we are somehow cured when to be honest we are probably at our lowest and need to accept that our body is rebuilding from its foundations.
I really struggled with anxiety after chemo and was very down and lifeless. I think i got to the point of thinking "why bother" with everything. I was 46 and told i was going to die, then oh forget that you can live a little longer then oh you have to come to hospital every 4 months so we can remind you of it all.
Ive never really suffered anxiety in the past and i was shocked on just how controlling it can get. I also had uncontrollable nausea most of the time. I would make any excuse to not go anywhere or do anything.
Last September my GP changed and i had see the new GP about a cyst, he mentioned he wasnt happy about me being on any form of meds and that my bloods were all 100% fine. Therefore the hospital were just filling me with stuff i didnt need. I came off all the meds and started to feel loads better.
I dont know why or how but i sort of started to think i was just waiting to die and not trying to live.
Anyway over the last few months i have got myself an Audi TT and started to love just going out on weekend roadtrips. Ive done all the decorating jobs over xmas and we have made plans for lots of little breaks away.
The purpose of this post is for anyone really feeling the despair and fear that i did. Please have hope that it wont last forever. I have no idea what changed for me but i would bottle it if i could. It really feels good when you find yourself after months of blind panic thinking your locked in hell.
Sorry if i have rambled on but i just wanted to offer hope to 1 person.
The bear x