Should I get a diagnosis?

[Anonposter]

I want some guidance on what I should do. I’m new to the forum. I don’t have a diagnosis. Numerous experiences of getting stared at and laughed at despite keeping to myself and being kind have broken me. After these experiences, I started to lose confidence and question everything. I was a hermit until getting a retail job a year ago, which meant leaving the house regularly. This is when I started to notice disgusted reactions towards me. These reactions were new, and I didn’t know how to process what was happening. It was during a breakdown when I came across changing faces. At 17, I noticed that I had a small head and a short, narrow face. I’ve wondered if I had imagined it, but I know it is real due to the limited hairstyles I can wear. Other hairstyles have revealed to me the size of my head. Also, I’ve been conscious about my head size, face and side profiles for quite a while. There have been countless times, I’ve searched small skulls on Google, and that’s when I came across microcephaly. Would getting closure on this by getting a diagnosis, be helpful? I’m also worried about coming to terms with it if it is confirmed. How I do go to a GP and tell them about my concerns? I’m on the wait list for therapy, but my mental health is concerning at the moment. I’ve tried talking to mental health helplines, but support and understanding of mental health regarding visible differences is limited. Also, people close to me keep getting angry at my concerns Has anyone experienced something similar?

[worthytobeloved]

Hello lovely lady. My heart goes out to you as I can understand and sympathise with your painful experiences of being stared at, and of feeling 'not like everyone else'.

I'm sorry those closest to you are dismissive of how you feel, but at least you've come to a place where we all understand and will support you.

I looked up microcephaly, and came across an article called 'Microcephaly: After diagnosis, a life of uncertainty' about people in America who have this condition. In particular, I read the article by Cindy Ducharme and her husband, Jim, who have two daughters with this condition. Looking at their photos, they are so beautiful, and I can't see anything wrong with them at all. Likewise with all the other people in the article.

Maybe it would give you peace of mind if you could get a diagnosis one way or other, but I know you could have a long wait to be seen. I do hope you can access therapy soon, as it does help to talk. As they say, 'a trouble shared is a trouble halved!' There may be quicker ways to get therapy - for example, I was denied therapy because I was 'too ill', so searched around and found a free counselling service run by a church in my area. It was so helpful.

I'm also wondering if you're like me, and may be suffering from some form of body dysmorphic disorder, where we feel extra self-conscious about our looks, to the extent it can ruin our lives.

Like you, I found this website through Changing Faces, and have just started reading all the real stories. I was hoping for some magic thing that would change my feelings about myself, but so far all I've found is that the people have come to terms with how they look, and have amazingly gone on to make a success of their lives.

I noticed that you had posted once before about your painful experience of being laughed at at an interview. All these experiences leave us feeling fearful that we will always have this experience when seen by others (I certainly am). All I can say as a sufferer myself is that we somehow need to develop more self-esteem, and realise what beautiful people we are inside! As you said, you are kind and can't understand why others can't be too. I think we just have to feel sorry for them - they either have problems or just aren't very nice. Try to know what a lovely, kind, sympathetic person you are on the inside - that's true beauty, and that's what everyone will love and admire you for.

To finish, I was thinking about making an appointment with Changing Faces to be taught camouflage makeup. Maybe it might help you too to have an appointment, and get advice.

In the meantime, you have friends and supporters here on the website - you are not alone - we're all here for you.

xxx

[Anonposter in reply to worthytobeloved]

Hello, worthytobeloved. Thank you for your kind and warm response. Maybe getting a diagnosis will give me peace of mind, but yeah, I’ve heard about the long waiting times. I’m sorry you couldn't get therapy. I’m happy you found the counselling service offered by your church helpful. As for whether I’m suffering from body dysmorphic disorder, I'm unsure at times because I didn’t have these experiences before, but the mean reactions I’m getting make it seem otherwise.

The interview experience knocked my confidence; It left me feeling hopeless about the future. I’m trying to support myself, but I feel like I’m being held back by factors outside my control. Though I know I’m a good person, people’s reactions to me have left me questioning whether I have worth. It’s harder when you witness them treat other people with more respect and kindness. That sort of thing eventually gets to you because you can only validate yourself so much, but I acknowledge what you're saying, about how the poor treatment isn’t our fault. I have already called the Changing Faces support line to get some advice and support, and I’m just waiting to hear back. Thank you for taking the time to respond lovely, and remind me that I’m not alone.

Take care

xxx

[MaveB]

Hi there Anonposter 👋,

I'm so sorry to read about your worries. But, what a brave step you've taken to post on here and begin a genuine chat about your concerns! I've always found this forum to be a genuinely caring and safe place to share. I've had my share of ups and downs with a visible difference (details in my bio')

Reading your post seems to highlight three points. You're worried about your appearance, and how others perceive that, and that you could have microcephaly. You are feeling that your concerns are being dismissed by those close to you, and the combination of all this going around constantly in your head is affecting your mental health greatly.

Just to reassure you that you've explained this all very fluently here, and having now put all your thoughts across so well, is that a conversation you feel you could have with your GP in the same way?

Take care for now, keep chatting x

[Anonposter in reply to MaveB]

Hi MaveB,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I agree about the forum, it’s very welcoming, and the people on here are incredible. Regarding my post, you’ve summarised my problems perfectly. Thank you, you’re too kind. My writing is atrocious; I need to improve, but I could still explain the situation to my doctor. It is terrifying, but it could be helpful. I know they’re medical professionals, but I hope they can handle it sensitively.

Take care

xxx

[MaveB]

Your writing is great Anonposter, very fluent! (I'm a retired teacher ☺️) It's the conversation with a 'sensitive' GP that could support and help move you a first step beyond the cycle you're feeling in. There's hopefully a Dr at your local surgery you feel you can approach with a little confidence? Is there a friend you can take along to support you?

Take care for now, keep chatting x