Came across this YouTube video the other day, it stuck with me. Hope it helps someone else too. Check out ways to respond to people when they insult you:
1. Say nothing; the strategic nonresponse, defensiveness validates accusation.
2. Say, "okay"; acknowledge, don't agree... you don't need further input from them.
3. Say, "thank you"; you're done with them, you're thanking them for revealing something about themselves that can be useful to you.
4. Identify, verify, accept; this one is good when you have a relationship with someone and they knowingly or unknowingly insult you.
These responses seem counterintuitive, but the way he explains it makes sense. Basically, people who insult you are trying to get a reaction out of you, and when you don't give it to them, you are taking back your power.
Thank you so much for sharing this younique - I love it too! It can be hard to know how to react sometimes but this is great! By doing these things you're acknowledging the person so they know you heard but at the same time you're not reacting in a way that will give them the satisfaction! It's perfectly normal to be hurt by what someone says but reacting in ways like this doesn't show them that! Thanks again🙂
Yes exactly! I found another one yesterday that had an impact on me, I'll link it below. It's about standing your ground, not shrinking away and not letting them control or manipulate you. These are really helpful; it didn't even occur to me to look this kind of stuff up, they just started appearing in my feed. I must have been doing some similar searches online. Lol. I have also followed Chris Voss and his content, but that's more about assertiveness in negotiations, not how to react when you're being bullied or insulted. Good stuff!
Thanks younique for sharing that, its always great for community members to see some of the different options there are when responding to people that have hurt their feelings. I wonder if anyone has tried any of the techniques listed in the video and found them helpful before?
I think it's more than simply getting our feelings hurt though CarolinChangingFaces . Wouldn't you agree? Bullies are emotionally abusive, controlling and oppressive. They seek to discredit and demean people they have a problem with through insults and toxic behavior. Often people with visible differences are on the receiving end of that. It can really affect our self esteem and social hierarchy. So I think learning how to cope with difficult people and situations, learning how to respond calmy, confidently and assertively, has far reaching effects on our quality of life. Especially in the workplace or in our interpersonal relationships. I know for myself, after watching those videos, I was already able to see a change in how I responded to a situation that I would normally have felt small in. And it's really giving meaning to the concept of "leaning in" for me. Trying to be the bigger person is great, but getting people to see that we recognize their behavior and we won't tolerate it, is even better. ❤️
Younique, I agree when I was responding I was speaking more generally about how knowing options for how to respond to people in a range of situations can be useful for everyone in the community.
I was thinking about how feeling more prepared, by knowing options and techniques could help so many people which is why finding and sharing resources is so great.
Sorry I didn’t make that clear or if it felt like I was minimising the impact of people’s behaviour.
There is most certainly differences between comments that hurt and bullying or abuse.
No one should have to endure any kind of abuse or bullying.
I am glad you have found techniques that help and I am sorry that you have had to experience such difficult situations.
Sure of course CarolinChangingFaces ! The videos spoke specifically about dealing with people who intend to cause harm through their words. I identify those types of people as bullies. The main reason they get away with bullying is because the person being bullied isn't able to/doesn't know how to stop them. So being equipped with that knowledge can be immensely helpful. I understand not everyone has been on the receiving end of that behavior, so it can be hard to really know the impact of it. Thanks for responding to this post! I appreciate your feedback. 🤗
That’s a really helpful video thanks Younique. I found that one particular toxic person who seemed an expert at sniping at one person, often in front of a group, to demean someone, actually had nothing when I reacted differently to the 1-2-3 of snipe/defensive explanation by victim/final put down by sniper.
I found it in a book called How to cope with difficult people.
It’s to call out their behaviour in front of the group by simply saying “that sounded like a dig. Was it a dig?”
They do indeed respond with further ridicule and that’s exactly what you respond with, with this “now it sounds like you’re ridiculing me. Are you ridiculing me?”
This particular person who was horribly like this was lost for words when I used this, and then in the next moment blew up into rage and shouted and swore at me - in front of everyone - and revealed all of their nasty character to everyone.
These videos can be helpful. I've come across insults, abuse and contemptable attitudes from people, and I've come to the conclusion that it says more about them than it does about me, and I suppose you could write a whole book on why they are like this, but it's too complex and deep, and I think the best thing is not focus on such people and get on with making the best of your own life without worrying about mean words and attitudes from ignorant people, because they shouldn't be my problem, and obviously they have insecure issues , because if they didn't they wouldn't do it in the first place.
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