I had a laser treatment abroad for spider veins on and around my nose. I was left with second degree burns on one side of my nose. After a couple of weeks the scabs came off and I saw I have been left with several large and very deep pits/holes which are very disfiguring. I am not sure how much improvement I will see in the coming months since I have seen little improvement from weeks 2-4.
I am full of shame and deep regret. The first session didn't do much and they said I could come back and they would do more. I regret that decision so, so much. I am usually well informed and researched this clinic which had good reviews and top equipment. I feel unbelievable stupid. The doctor certainly shouldn't have done more so soon after and knew that, but I didn't.
I feel sick whenever I look in the mirror. I feel so much regret. Would by scars be less bad if I had known how to treat the wounds properly in the first place? I didn't know it would have been better to not let a scab form and to keep the wounds moist.
I am really struggling to cope. I have missed work and haven't been doing anything useful. I am avoiding friends. I have struggled with depression and anxiety but I was doing fairly well before. Now I feel my mental health spiraling out of control. I have a therapist but all I can do is sit there, trapped in my mind prison of self hatred and extreme regret. I think back to the decisions I made and scream at my past self.
I am embarrassed to tell people and I don't, but I'm sure people must be wondering what the hell is up with my face. I wish I could go back in time. I am really struggling to move past this. I have lost confidence that I worked so hard to build. It feels so awful that I did this to myself.
I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you it sounds awful. I realise that I can't say anything to take this away, but I do know that the sick feeling does lessen over time.
Take care, and be kind to yourself, what happened isn't your fault.
Thanks for your kind reply. On some level I know it's not my fault, but I do keep replaying decisions I made, such as getting the second treatment or deciding not to go to the doctor right away because I didn't realise it was bad or would leave a scar. I am working to come to terms with the regret.
Hi xluthierx,
For a start, you did fantastically well to raise this. You've said it, you've told the world how you fell. That's a phenomenal start!
*YOU* should not feel any shame. Why should you? After all, you didn't make any mistake ...
The regret is understandable. When someone explains risks to anyone, risks are only possible outcomes. They may never happen. If those outcomes don't happen, brilliant and, well, "that was an easy risk to take wasn't it?"
But when the risks turn into reality, then that is when things hit harder. it sounds like this is where you are right now, risks are harder to take if you know they WILL happen.
But that does not change the record. YOU have nothing to reproach yourself for. Why should you?
That is not the same for those that treated you. What can be done to correct problems? And if corrections are possible, how do you feel about that?
Please don't miss work because of this. I can assure you things will get worse if you do. I cannot tell you how you should approach this. this is because only you know in your own mind and heart how you feel about this. But if work are not in the loop in some small way, then they may wonder whether you can continue. And since this isn't your fault to begin with, that could be a double blow.
If and when you feel able, take someone you trust aside and talk, HR can be very good at this. If they know what is happening, they will worry less. But as I say, this must be your call. You know your situation better than anyone.
I wish you all the best, and if you need us, well, here we are!
CB
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Thanks for your nice reply. I am trying to see a dermatologist to see what, if anything can be done. I feel bad that I didn't do it in the first few days since I could have known how to prevent so much scarring I think. But maybe they can let me know about future options. Maybe I will have to wait a few months before I can do anything to improve them. But I am trying to focus on what can be done. I am loathe to have any more procedures, but am open minded to fixing the mistake carefully.
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This sounds like a good plan. What-Ifs aren't a plan; they are maybe's. I wouldn't worry about where you may have ended up. Seeing a dermatologist for an assessment, well that is a genuine plan.
You may have had the same scarring, whatever you did. How can you know, either way?
And if that's the case, then why add to your own worry?
But you're so right to look at options. Good stuff!
Be realistic with yourself. I know you must want things sorted now. Is this realistic? Is it possible?
Surround yourself with opinion you trust. And follow your heart, and head, on what you think is right. By "your heart" I mean, follow the course of action you think you need. By "your head" i mean, follow and check our who is doing what procedure on you. do you understand it? Do you fully understand the risks, and what can go wrong?
Remember scars can take years to fade. I have one on my arm from a cyst removal. My wife (who I've been with for 18 years!) didn't know it was there. They can fade to nothing.
So its good to understand everything.
in all things, have a plan A. but a wise weasel will have also have plans B through G up their sleeves.
I am thinking this must be a recent procedure? Is that so? If so, don't be tempted to rush into anything more. Get advice from suitable professionals first. Rushing at a solution could only make matters worse. Scarring always looks much worse before it looks better,
I can sympathize with you and relate to you. I have rosacea and after having it stable for many years had IPL done in March and April of this year only to see worsening of my condition. I now flush easily and have red spots on my face. The regret is just like yours, but slowly I am trying to come to terms with it. Some days I feel okay, some days I have the whole gamut of emotions-mad, sad, distressed, irritated and some days hard to function. And I get I did this to myself and it is hard to admit to the world that you “volunteered” yourself for this procedure only to have this crap happen. Your whole post resonates with me. Just know, we are both going to get through this and come out different but better. It is hard when it is your face that changed from what it used to be, I 1000% get this. You can message me anytime.
I really relate to your reply, thanks for sharing your experience. These procedures are supposed to make problems better, not worse. It's so hard to cope with the regret when you just wish things could go back to the way they were before. I know what you mean about every day being different emotionally - I have been alternating between being so distressed that I can't function to being quite positive it's not as bad as I think and will get better. Telling people about what happened and my struggles seems to be helping a bit. I want to be like the people on here who have overcome adversity and learned to love themselves even with severe facial differences, but the fact I basically did this to myself is adding an extra layer of shame and regret.
Yes, I have had IPL many times before and it has wrote,d perfectly. This time, not sure if other circumstance played into not good results-had COVID a month before with facial rash, peri menopause, my disease naturally just progressing and this kicking it off, iron supplements. Who the heck knows, sick of analyzing it to to death. And yes, just like you, I came on here to learn to accept myself how it is rather than regret, denial and hating myself in the mirror. Sometimes we go through things to learn a lesson, perhaps this is it? If you want to message me privately we can chat further as it is nice to know someone else goign theoguh what I am/have for past few months.
Hi xluthierx! It's a great honor to have you with us! I'm glad you have gathered the courage to talk about your situation, hoping to get some help. That's the 3000-mile very first step to at least address the issue.
There's always a lot of repentance and guilt after having a non-intended outcome for those types of procedures, so I understand you feel that way and I would not feel any different. I don't think we are in a position to judge our feelings. It's just something inevitable to have them. But, as one of my colleagues stated, it is not your actual fault. You did not do anything to bring it about, neither was this your intention, just all the opposite. But sometimes our feelings can't hear reasons.
Having said that, let me tell you: you deserve better. All else was the domain of chance, trial, and error, and doctors not coming out with the right solution, and now we blaming them and blaming us for the same reasons with nothing useful to take out of blame. Was it malpractice? Should you proceed legally? Are there other options? Is there a second medical opinion? It looks like you've gone through a lot trying to figure out how you came to be in the position you're now, but so far we can't come back in time or jump ahead into the future. It's just "us" in the "here" and "now", there's nothing else...You know, mistakes almost always come unexpectedly and unintendedly.
So, take time for yourself now and sit down, grab a piece of paper and think about what you can do to improve your situation. Please take a moment now to label your paper with columns like "Issue", "People to consult/call", "Possible solutions/options given by professionals, close family or friends, etc", "Means to achieve solution", etc. This is something that just came off the top of my head, but I'm sure you can come up with something that works better for you to improve your outcomes.
This is it. "In the end, all comes out alright, and if it doesn't, then it's not the end yet".
Hi Hidden welcome to the Changing Faces Community. Thank you for your post and for sharing with us about your situation. I am sorry to hear the procedure didn't go as expected, it sounds like things are feeling uncertain right now and I can hear that you have been going through some really challenging emotions which must feel difficult for you.
Its positive that you are speaking with a therapist and that you have felt able to be honest and open about how you have been feeling on here. I can see you mentioned finding it hard to cope and feeling like your mental health is spiralling out of control, if you do feel like you need more immediate support, we would strongly recommend speaking with your GP. You can also find details of organisations which can offer immediate support on the following link: changingfaces.org.uk/servic...
I hope this space feels supportive and you feel connecting and hearing from others in our community helpful.
Hi Xluthierx. I hope this helps. In 2018 i was bitten by a dog on the face. My scars were very red and seemed to be constantly inflamed. With the trauma of the situation that had passed, I accepted the advice of a dermatologist with the promise of an improvement that would be immediately noticeable. I felt very disfigured and unhappy with my new appearance, so I didn't hesitate to accept it. On the day of the procedure, the laser was extremely painful and I could feel that something was not going very well. But she assured me that it was: that it was normal. When I left the office, my face was all blistered in the various places where I had the scars and the next day they became giant blisters that took more than 15 days to resolve... At the end of those 15 days, on top of my scars, I had pits, indentations... I was much worse than I was initially. They were also pigmentated and it seemed that i had holes all over my face. I couldn't deal with it emotionally... I went deep down... Of course the dermatologist shied away from any responsibility and simply told me that it would take about 2 years to resolve the situation. Completely losing confidence in this first doctor, I consulted other dermatologists after this episode and they all recommended a new carbon dioxide laser. But this time I did a lot of research and decided not to take a new risk. And my advice to you is this, don't do anything else for now, especially laser treatments, as you risk getting even worse. After talking online with someone in a similar situation, i decided to take a multivitamin every day and later i applied an oil on the scars. They are still here, with some indentation, but I can say that they have improved by at least 50% and every year that I go I notice that it has improved compared to the previous year. Suing this doctor wouldn't bring me back to my state or make me happy... It just made me more cautious and think about any future procedure very well. I wish you the best. Just hold on, you'll be fine.
Hi, I just had to respond to your post as i can really relate to you. Also other members who have replied have really helped me with their advice to you.
I had very severe acne in my teens and twenties which keft me with a scar on my cheek. In 2004 I went along to a very reputable clinic to ask about dermabrasion but they recommended a permanent filler that they were promoting. They held an open day when a few of the staff had the procedure.
I had it done with no problems. The doctor who did it also put a bit in my other cheek.
About 10 years later i noticed swelling in my cheek. I contacted the clinic and they advised removal and they would pay for it. They had to do this as in the contract it srated that if removal was necessary it would be easy to do although i had read online of horror stories from people who had it removed.
I was fortunate in that i was sent to the top cosmetic surgeon in the UK based in Harley Street. He is the only one who can remove this filler easily bur he did explain that i would be left with a dent in my cheek. He said that the clinic believed the filler was perfectly safe.
I read online that the company who made the filler is now out of business and people in Canada have tried to sue them without success.
The dent in my cheek was really troubling me so i had fat transfer done on it. This worked for a short period but eventually wore off. I then went to another cosmetic surgeon and he said nothing further could be done.
I am now left with a dent in my cheek and have noticed as im getting older that my other cheek has a couple of small lumps on it. I think this is the filler (which wasnt removed) becoming more prominent through the derease of collagen.
So, i am now left with scars worsened by this treatment. I suffered with severe acne for years, now my skin is the best it has ever been i am left with these scars which i feel I inflicted on myself!
I have to remind myself that
1) i went to a reputable clinic and was treated by qualified doctors.
2) I took their professional advice to have this procedure.
3) I have done everything I can to rectify the problem.(I could have temporary filler but am reluctant to do this as the original filler causes inflammation).
4) It could have been much worse as i have read about people who have had terrible infections due to this fuller and have been left with scars much worse than mine.
I have got to the stage now where most of the time I accept the way I look and try to be kind to myself. I hope you get to the stage where you can do the same. Treat yourself as you would a good friend. Take care.
I just want to thank everyone for the very kind comments that really helped me during a difficult mental health crisis triggered by this event. I am doing much better now and have come to terms with the scars that I have. I honestly don't think about them much anymore since I am so used to them and covering them up has become part of my automatic daily routine. They started looking a bit better after 3 months but by that time my mental health had improved a bit anyway. Honestly I am just glad to not be suffering too much mentally anymore since the worst part about all this. Thanks for all the really helpful support.
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oh wow! What a fantastic update! I am so excited by this. it has out a good start on my day so thank you so much for airing it!
You'll always be welcome! the fact that people find others in the same boat helpful really helps me out too.... nice one.
Way to go, Oculto. Thanks for letting us know about the good things, those are as important too! Happy New Year and keep holding on to those good things!!
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Alopecia sucks :D
Hope this helps
Lip vitiligo, anxiety/depression/suicial thoughts from the many stares I get, people who look away from my face & bite theirs in concern
Idk
