I was running and I got caught up in my pants. I crashed down hard, face first. Embarrassing to say the least. Needed stitches on my chin and X-rays to make sure nothing was broken.
Because I have torticollis and an already asymmetrical jaw, I could sense the x-ray technicians having a hard time with getting the correct angle of my injury.
Rather than shrink and feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, I addressed it. I acknowledged my asymmetry to kind of let her know that I'm aware of it and it's ok. That I'll be patient.
When she needed me to turn my head in unusual ways, I mentioned the issue with my neck and she apologized. I didn't want her to feel badly, I just wanted her to know my limitation so she didn't keep trying to position me in a way that I genuinely couldn't move into.
So we kind of shared an awkward laugh when she apologized for my discomfort and I apologized for my limitation. I know she didn't expect me to say sorry but I wanted her to know I wasn't implying that she mishandled me in anyway.
This is progress to me. Maybe this doesn't seem significant to anyone else, but maybe it does, so I wanted to share this small victory.
I've said a million times that I never know how or when I should introduce my differences in situations that call for levity or a deeper sense of clarity and understanding... but now I've done it and I feel good about it. Maybe she and the other technicians judged me or snickered or whatever, but maybe they didn't. I'm just another patient in a long line of patients they see everyday; a person with differences but I know I'm not the only one and it's ok. ❤️
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younique
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Hi Younique! I'm sorry you fell, I hope you are better now and back to your normal activities. I also feel sad that we have to carry the "sorry for the way I look" attitude whenever a new situation or place comes up.
As a child, I suffered from agonizing torticollis which twisted the right part of my skull. I did not know what was going on because it happened slowly over time until I noticed the definite outcome when I was a teenager and hence more conscious about my appearance.
I attempted to kill myself twice five years after this realization as I started to enter social and working life, but I've always regretted I gave in instead of fighting for myself and be proud of my appearance: I betrayed myself when I need my own affirmation the most, but people's opinions and feelings gained over my own. I guess my biggest flaw was not my appearance but my character and now I know better.
So, I am so glad to hear that you just stated your difference with the X-ray people plainly and clearly! You are declaring your difference, not hiding it. You are letting people know it's ok to be different and then let's talk about the next thing. I think "normal" people think you feel miserable and suicidal for the way you look and feel worried and terrorized about it (and they might be right if you think of my own case), but when you open up and show them the "I'm OK" statement through your attitude like you did, then they loosen up and turn back to their business again because at the end, although some may want to keep being patronizing, most rather steer clear of other people's business.
...and yes, that's not a small, but a rather big victory! Apply this again going forward and let us know how it goes...good? bad? It doesn't matter, just let us know!
Yep same Solocat , it's been a challenge. It's funny because I remember specific pains when I turned my head as a kid, that I thought everyone experienced. They eventually subsided but now that I'm getting older, the pain has returned, just in a different way. Now I have a lot of tightness and neck stress. I do stretching and massage and that helps a lot. So I manage. Still, nothing I ever even want to talk about, you know. I'd rather it not be an issue at all. Think that was my problem growing up as I became more aware of my differences. I kind of refused to accept it and bottled it up. That's been hard for me and that's why this forum is so helpful. I never knew people who understood my point of view or had similar experiences and that was really isolating. It's good to be able to take a more self-compassionate approach. This is me. Do I love it about myself? Nope, and I don't know if I ever will. But I'm leaving myself open to that possibility. For now I accept it. And that's still just as important. Thanks for sharing your experiences, it's great to hear you're doing well. I think when we are able to acknowledge the extent of how our differences have affected our lives, it gives us the opportunity to heal from that trauma.
Younique!I agree with you wholeheartedly. It is so good we have this means to let out our experiences and feelings go. The sheer fact of writing about it is a therapy in and of itself as we are finding common spots of understanding.
As you said, you thought those things were only happening to you and that we should place blame, shame, or fault on ourselves as if we have committed a crime or did something wrong in the past. Also, people feel entitled to look at you "miserably", judge you, ask questions, and probe you.
So, I am happy we can find that in the end, we are not by ourselves. We are a collection of minds and hearts brought together by a common circumstance, but thinking, rational and compassionate people after all who will grow exponentially by bringing our goals, strengths, and unique talents to the discussion, with the added value that we are being honest, non-judgemental and caring.
Love your response Solocat . It's so spot on in every aspect you've mentioned! I'm humbled everyday by how similar our stories and perspectives are on this forum. It's such a validating thing for me, but I also think the insight, honesty and support we all share is simply amazing. 🎉
Wow i'm sorry to hear about what happened to you younique ....I hope your okay now. Stitches and x-rays doesn't sound very fun. Well done for addressing the x-ray technician and talking about your visible difference. You shouldn't ever be made feel to embarrassed or uncomfortable because of it especially in an environment where you're there to get help. I'm glad you came away from that experience feeling good about it and hopefully this is a confidence booster for you.
Thank you Hidden ! Yes I'm doing ok, it was hard but I feel good about it. I don't like attention on my body, and when people are in those kinds of situations, that's exactly what we're getting. Like I have to accept that these people can see the full extent of what causes me distress and i just have to be ok with it. Acknowledging it was helpful because I could say, yes you see it, I see it, let's get on with it. It's been great because I didn't feel victimized by it, or that situation, you know. Like it wasn't this burden that I had to carry on my own, I could kind of set it down. It's obvious I've been making this a bigger problem than it needs to be. But the entirety of our life experiences informs those moments that we feel upset. I look different and some people have not been ok with it. They've treated me poorly as a result. So I began to just kind of expect it. But how I feel about my own body is more important than other people's reaction or judgements of my body. I'm a person who looks different. Not having an outlet to talk about it created a lot of stress and anxiety for me. So now that I can, it makes it much less of an issue for me. And I'm excited to see how I can apply this to other situations in my life. I may never be fully comfortable around people, but hopefully the difficult feelings I have over it can be put to rest.
I hear what you're saying younique , it's understandable that after being treated poorly you would automatically learn to expect that from others. I'm glad to hear it's becoming less of an issue for you now and you've found an outlet to express the difficult feelings that come up.
Yay, let's celebrate those little wins! I'm happy you are now feeling good about introducing your differences in certain situations.
It's a tricky one isn't it?! I went through a stage a few years ago when I felt like I had to explain my differences to every new person I met. It got very tiring and I got the sense that it made people feel uncomfortable. I soon realised that they would probably rather just approach me like they would anyone else.
But, then I didn't explain my conditions to people at all. This became a problem when I started flute lessons. I never told my teacher at the time why I was finding it so difficult and why I kept making mistakes. I should have explained that my lip has restricted movement due to my cleft and my fingers are mis-shaped and short making it hard to play. 6 years into my flute playing I finally decided to mention it to my teacher and then she understood. I've been playing for 8 years now and it has been much better since explaining my conditions. Although it was tough, it was worth it!
It's hard to judge when and how much to say but I guess with practise we'll get there! I hope you're doing well now after your fall
It can be so challenging living with visible differences. I mean life is hard for a lot of people, but add to that certain conditions that lead to limitations, and it can be overwhelming. Not only our physical selves are affected, but also how we think and feel about who we are and how we fit in with the rest of the world. Not to mention how they interact with us as well. Maybe none of us know the best way to broach visible differences in public spaces. Maybe we have had trouble figuring it out, but they do too. So we are all kind of unsure so that makes it even more complicated. Sheesh.
I'm following a lady on instagram who just explored this topic in depth. Let me find the post for you.... instagram.com/tv/CQRDfnWl_M1/
She's incredible.
Thanks for the well wishes regarding my fall. I was doing great until I wasn't. For the first few days I was more or less fine. Bruises and stitches. No big deal. Some jaw discomfort, but it isn't broken or dislocated, so I thought it would pass. Well, it's getting worse. I can barely eat or talk. I don't know what to do about it since all the docs say it is ok. It's clearly not. Why is this a theme in my life. Lol. I'll figure it out but in the meantime, it's a pain. :/
Sorry I'm replying to this a bit late younique. I really hope you're feeling better now. It sounds awful!
You're so right though, there's many challenging aspects of living with a visible difference already. Trying to decide when and how to explain it to someone can be very difficult.
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How do people see me?(urgent)
Struggling to cope after botched laser procedure on face
First time posting - a bit about me.
Facial disfigurement only noticeable in photos...
