I was born with a C shaped nasal deformity and had rhinoplasty hoping it would give me a more symmetrical looking face in 2006 instead I ended up looking worse.
I’ve had to fight depression and anxiety for the past 12 years as well as suicide thoughts. I have two children so try to get through each day for them but I’m severely depressed.
Mostly I feel I can’t relate to anyone who doesn’t have a facial defect or other noticeable deformity that causes them to get stared out.
I’ve grown to greatly dislike society and only leave the house to take my youngest child to nursery.
I no longer expect things to improve in anyway because they never have, not looking for advise just people who can relate.
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lonely-f-1983
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Hi.sorry to hear of your distress and bad surgery which dI'd not help.
Is there chance of a better surgery?
I have had numerous nose surgeries plus other facial surgeries and procedures over many years. One nose surgery was a disaster. Which made me suicidal and destroyed my spirit .I did find a specialist that said he was able to help with 2 to 3 surgeries needed to attempt to correct the damage.The second of those went wrong and a years wait until helpful surgery.that was limited in results.
I saved and searched and searched for better surgeon.I finally had surgery he could do but he helped a little as so much damage.had a number of procedures since.Do not give up.
I would have killed myself if unable to get any help but took lots of searching etc.
Please tell me if any help may be possible with a special surgeon?
I am in the same situation even worse, my nose was symmetric and nice and I just wanted slimmer bones between my eyes, the doctor decided to small my nose without asking me and left me with a horrible nose and scars, I was a face model at that time but since then I'm depressed. Boys whenever they sit close to me they just stare at the scars on my nose. I don't want to live with this face anymore.
I increasingly have that view of not being able to relate to anyone without some kind of disfigurement. I "only" have a skin condition but it is all over my face. Its non contagious but in the 1800s people didnt know that so if I had been born then I would have been separated from society and put on a leper colony, I used to think this sounded cruel but now it doesnt seem so bad as I find the hardest thing is not being able to find people who can relate that I can hang out with. Its so frustrating as in the age of the internet you would think it wouldnt be so difficult but finding people who are in the local area with similar issues willing to meetup is pretty much impossible. I dont know that I dislike society because of it as I think the attitude of most people - bearing in mind we are just flawed apes - is on the whole understandable. Doesnt make it any easier to cope with people's behaviour though. The hardest part for me is work as it cant be avoided and most jobs are in brightly lit offices dealing with people face to face. Also im naturally competitive so its impossible for me to just shrug off the fact that my skin problems mean I cant do nearly as well and that i wonnt get particularly far up the chain of command.
So sorry to hear of your story. Knowing how difficult it is at times to face the world, maybe at this stage with your depression, it may be a good idea to speak to a professional you can talk to, so they at firstly help with this. You need your strength to cope with everyday life and when you are feeling so vulnerable, it is not fair on you or your family. Then when you feel stronger, that can be a good idea to then look at your options. Feeling so low can muddy the waters, it makes it difficult to assess the situation clearly, which is what you may wish to do. There may be surgical or non-surgical options to improve matters. Wishing you the very best.
Firstly don't give up, there is help out there. I personally have cleft lip and palate and I have certainly had traumatising experiences but I have made lots of effort to get help and I find friends and most people friendly.
You have children (I don't) and this would certainly point to a lot of achievement. You have/have had a partner and hopefully your children give you joy, they are certainly a reason to make steps, however small that will help you feel better.
Simple things like walking through a local park, observing nature, playing with your children, perhaps simple cooking with them.
I would suggest you look at Byron Katie's work, you can find her on YouTube, podcasts and using the search term The Work of Byron Katie. She has an approach akin to Buddhism which can help anybody examine their thoughts and find peace in letting the painful things we tell ourselves release. It is a practice that you can use throughout the day until it becomes part of you, it is very helpful, Katie herself was severely depressed and now works without charge to help people. It is not called the work for nothing, it is extremely liberating.
Of course surgery may help, but working on how you feel and what you think about all day is equally, if not more important.
Try and make small steps, anything is better than nothing.
I really hope that something I have written is helpful to you, do find your determination and resilience. They are there.
Hello lonely-f-1983 and welcome back to the Changing Faces community. It sounds like you've been having a really challenging time with your visible difference and depression. However, it's also clear that you have people within the forum who care about you and are supportive towards you. I wonder if you have any strategies you use to deal with other people's reactions? Perhaps if you have the time or energy, you could compare them with some of the tips in the Changing Faces self-help guides free to download from changingfaces.org.uk/advice...
As it is I don’t have any strategies I just get angry and upset, I don’t leave the house much these days although I’d like to start going out again with my children it will have to be gradual because I’ve been housebound mostly for a couple of years.
The best way I’ve found for me To cope is by avoiding eye contact altogether with other people, I just focus on my four year old and try to ignore any people, that’s the only coping strategy I have.
Hi lovely, I am in the same situation as you. I have young children too. I have had 2 surgeries and look so much worse. Every day I regret what I've done to myself. How are you coping now?
Hi lonely f 1983. How are you doing now. If its any consolation I have rosacea which basically a blood vessel inflammatory problem, has made my cheeks and forehead bright red and it also bring pimples. I hate it and feel so uncomfortable around everyone including my family. People who don't have a visable difference just don't understand how sole destroying it can be. Here if you want to talk
I am depressed due to a botched surgery on my face and there is absolutely no way to fix it. At least you can fix it - it is just a matter of finding the right surgeon and getting the funds. I recommend going to Turkey for a nose job. The surgeons there are so much better than Americans at nose jobs and it is cheaper. Hang in there.
I have been a recluse for a year and a half now after being severly botched from eyelid surgery I don’t leave the house at all I have had revision which have made me worse I hear u at least you are fixable try and think of it as a temporary situation
So sorry to hear this. Have also been severe botched after eyelid surgury. In te same situation as you, have not left the house for 1,5 year now. Also got severe nervedamages after op. Have you tried to contact Dr Raymond Douglas? There must be someone who can help us.
Im so sorry to hear i have had consultations in the states with massry that cooperates woth him . Ive had unsuccessful revision and i have no money now for more !
Hi, are you still on here? Your post was written so long ago. I’m just going through this now, but mine is more severe. I won’t go anywhere without a mask. I hope you are doing better now.
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